Still...

We had horrible storms last night. Tons of rain and terrible winds. We are still trying to assess our tree damage in our yard. We do seem to have some though and we are concerned about the biggest of the trees in our yard. There are a few branches on the ground under it, but the thing that concerns us is that there are branches now hanging nearly to the ground. They weren't like like yesterday. We tried to see if there was something split or detached and we can't see anything, but why are the branches hanging more than six feet lower than yesterday? We just took our picture under this tree this weekend so we know there was plenty of room to stand under it. We just can't see any injury, but these branches go up about 20 feet.

So the barometric pressure changes didn't make Jake come out. The midwife rubbing my belly yesterday and trying to talk him out didn't work. I did go to work this morning and I left about 1130. There were only 2 ORs with cases and there was enough staff for six rooms plus me as extra so there was no point to my presence. I walked and walked at work. I lifted things and just did my job in general. Nope. My OB was about the only surgeon working today and he kept asking me if I was in labor yet. Nope. I came home and had to force my husband to have sex with me. Yeah, I mentioned sex and the next thing I know he is stripped and in bedroom wanting to know what is taking me so long to get in there. That seemed to wake Jake up, but that is all. He said if he had too he could probably do it again later. Of course he is now sleeping in his chair after get his back adjusted because he is in so much pain. He isn't supposed to do anything for at least a couple of hours. Like he needs any encouragement! Anyway, then we went out to lunch for Mexican and I ate food as absolutely spicy as I can tolerate it, and I can do hot food. That just elicited a bunch of kicking. Then I went shopping and wandered around and around the store. I never registered for or bought any burp clothes at all so I thought I better go pick up some clothe diapers to do the job. I seemed to end up with quite a lot of stuff for just some diapers. I just kept thinking, this will be the last time I will be able to go shopping at will all on my own. So all that walking didn't help either. I did buy a sling to carry Jake that I thought looked like it would work pretty well for dog walking, rather than taking the stroller for a 10 minute walk! I got some other stuff too.

Yesterday I drove down one of the worst gravel road I know, twice. I should go now today since it rained last night and then again today. Problem is, the road isn't as safe now... So I think I will take another long walk with Molly. Thank God it is cooler today because I am getting to be miserable most of the time. I was actually able to sleep for four straight hours last night without having to go to the bathroom and I apparently rolled over without waking up too.

I am scared and keep wondering what I have done and question my sanity. I cried for two hours last night. I was so tired and stuff needed to get done. Mike didn't do shit. He spent an hour on the phone with his dad going back and forth from the breezeway watching the weather to watching TWC. I was just pissed. I was very frustrated because I wanted my husband's time and help. I am worried about how much he is going to help me. He obviously doesn't do much to help me now and that frustrates me. Here I am 52months pregnant (or feeling like it) and I am cleaning the floors, scrubbing the bathroom and doing dishes.

I got some news today that wasn't what I was wanting. There is a photographer about two hours away that I really, really want to take Jake's newborn pictures. She does absolutely amazing work and I didn't call her soon enough. She is extremely busy with Senior pictures right now and is "double booked." I want her to take his pictures more than anything. They wouldn't tell me no for certain but they weren't sure we could be worked in. Since you most of us don't know exactly when we will give birth she won't schedule anything for you ahead of time. So I have to call when Jake finally comes and maybe, just maybe she can work me in. There are several photographers around that do a good job, but these pictures are so far above and beyond what they do and she doesn't really charge more. I don't know if we are going to do this again. I don't know if we just figured out what we needed to do to get pregnant on our own or if Jake is just a very precious gift from God, a one time thing. I don't know. I don't know if we will have this opportunity again and I want to have these amazing pictures to cherish for the rest of my life. Stupid me for not calling sooner. (although I haven't know the photographer's name for very long, even though I keep seeing her pictures around).

Anyway, I have laundry to do, a walk to go on, and I will probably find something else to scrub. Scrubbing something always seems to help when I am upset. Plus I still haven't finished Jake's baby blanket. It has been way too hot to be having yarn in my lap!!! I won't be going back to work again until the end of October!! I can't believe it. I almost cried as I was gathering up my things today. Even though I complain a lot about my job, I really do love it. Some of the people piss me off, and there is a ton of stress, but I do like it. At least some things should be worked out by the time I get back with the schedule and the surgery center sucking the life out of us.

I see my doctor tomorrow afternoon, unless - God willing - something happens between now and then! Please don't let me make it through the weekend!!!! So maybe I won't be writing for a bit!