Eleven months!

We had a busy weekend. I feel like I got a fair amount accomplished. I still don't feel very settled here and it bothers me. There are still a lot of boxes that need to be unpacked. The thing that bothers me the most is not having pictures up on the walls. We kept waiting to decide where to put what and I gave up and just started putting things up. There are some pictures in the hall that need to be rehung but they are up for now. The people who lived here before left a lot of nails up. I can't believe how high all their stuff was hung. The tallest person in the family was no taller than me at 5'5".

That makes it feel a bit more like home but I don't know. I just don't know where to put everything and Mike isn't being much help. I don't know why I thought it would be any different unpacking than it was packing, but somehow I thought he would help me more. I'm just having a really hard time with stuff not have a permanent place and needing to still do so many things. I really want to jump in and start doing work to the house and yard, but I just don't think I can do that yet until stuff has a home.

I did take care of one thing outside. We have a narrow flower bed that runs along the front walk. It is pretty long and it wraps around the front step and continues along the front of the house. I pulled all of the volunteer stuff and mulch up out of the area to the door and I planted irises. I have always loved irises and I have wanted my own. I bought a ton of them and got about half planted. The next area I need to work on has nasty white rock and the black weed barrier that didn't seem to work. It looked stupid because these two areas meet. So I will pick up all the rock, pull up the black stuff, and continue the irises along the front of the house. I spaced them out like you are supposed to, but some day it will be like a fence between our front walk (which is really wide enough to be called a patio) and the yard.

I still can't help but be in a funk. I am feeling very lonely for some reason. Mike has been working a ton and it feels like I have been too. I never seem to get to spend the time I would like with Jake and he can be so much fun right now. He will just giggle and giggle when we play. We went swimming in a kiddie pool I got him and he loved it. I don't know if I could handle being home all the time with Jake, but I sure feel like I miss so much. That makes me sad. He will be eleven months tomorrow. Eleven months! Crap, where has the last year gone??? I'm trying to figure out what we will do for a birthday party and I can't decided how many people to invite and which people. I can't decide what I want to get him as a present.

(I try and try to get this little boy to wear a hat outside and he rips it off in a split second. But he will wear it for half and hour while he is playing in the house!)

a trip to grandma's house

Yesterday was my mother's sixtieth birthday. I called her while I was waiting for someone to show up at daycare to drop Jake off. She sounded pretty good. I know it was a hard one for her though. After I finally got to work and I looked at our light schedule, I asked my charge nurse if I could leave early so I could drive up and surprise my mom on her birthday. I got out of work after a meeting I had that was interesting. I went and picked up a pizza, got gas, got Jake, ran home and packed him some stuff, and then we went and picked up a birthday cake. We headed on out. I waited a bit and then i started trying to call my mother. I couldn't get her over and over again. I kept thinking she was in a meeting. I decided to try her house. It would be like my mom to call in sick on her birthday. She calls in sick every week anyway so why not then. I couldn't get her at home. Then I think she is playing hooky and went shopping somewhere. It involves traveling a couple of hours for her to shop any where so I am cursing about that. Then there is about an hour stretch of road where you have no signal at all. I am sure hoping I didn't waste gas and time on this trip at this point.

So we get to her town. I have to call Mike to tell me how to get to the prison because it is right by the train track. He tells me and I eventually find it. It is four my mom is supposed to work until four thirty. Her car is not in the parking lot. Now I am really mad. So I drive by her house. Not a soul. Crap!!! By this time I really need to pee so that didn't help my temper. I called Mike and started venting. I started heading toward a gas station so I can go to the bathroom and my mom turns around the corner next to me. She doesn't realize for a minute that it is me waving at her.

It was worth the trip. My mom was tickled to death. She was so excited to see us. She liked the camera we bought her. I think she might be able to use it. She tried to stall our being there as long as possible. We ate dinner and Jake was a little stinker. We had cake and I told her we needed to go. Jake was not behaving at all well at this point. He is tired even though he slept the whole way up, THANK GOD!! So I pack up his stuff and she is trying to keep us. She made me take her picture with Jake out front. He wouldn't cooperate very well, but hopefully there was one decent one out of the fifteen I took.

Then we made it out. The interesting thing to me was that it was a pleasant visit. She did not make one of "her comments." I was quite shocked actually. I thought maybe she would have a comment about the camera, but she didn't. She loved it. I was really surprised. She said it was the best present of all for us to surprise her with our visit. It almost made me forget how visits with my mom go. I wish they could all be like this visit.

The drive home kind of sucked though. I drove a tad fast trying to get home. I wanted to get to the road I was familiar with before it got too dark. There are so many deer and antelope along this trip. I really hate dusk when they seem to be out. I did have to come to a hard break. I thought it was a baby antelope or deer up a head in the middle of my lane but it turned out to be a coyote. Not that I really wanted to hit that, but at least there wouldn't be more to run out in front of you like if it were deer or antelope.

So I will have to mark it on the calendar that I had a good visit with my mom. Sadly, there probably won't be another mark like that for a long long time.

Sunday

Jake and I went to church today. I haven't been going much because church is at 9:30. Nap time is basically the same time. I know there is a nursery but I don't want to leave him there. He spends at least nine hours a day in that area of our church and on one of my two days a week that I get him to myself (meaning no daycare) I don't want to leave him there. There was a special service today celebrating the organ player. He has been playing at the church for twenty years and he is wonderful. So we went. Jake loves music. He bounced around to that organ while I was pregnant and he likes it still.

Today these twin girls came and sat in the row behind us with their great grandparents, grandma and mom (who is four or five months pregnant). The twins are one week older than Jake. They came about six weeks early and were born on my due date. So there were lots of baby noises in our area. The girls were noisy at a low level constantly. Jake made some noise but a couple of times he was very noisy. I got up and took him out. We went out in the fellowship hall and I let him crawl around for awhile and then things were better. When the service was over I had two people very rudely tell me that the church has a crying room and they provide a nursery for a reason. I was shocked. We also had countless people tell us how glad they are to hear the youth of the church. Our congregation is pretty old. I would say the average age is probably about 65 - of those at the service it might even be older. They keep having meetings and trying all sorts of things to bring in younger people and families. Anyway I didn't hear anyone say a thing to the family of the twins. I am pretty upset about this. I try to be considerate of others. I know there is nothing more annoying than trying to listen and someone is letting their kid scream. That is why I take mine out. How are kids supposed to learn if they don't practice? I obviously don't mean children as young as Jake.

This really upset me. I don't know if these people thought all of the noise was coming from my child or not. One of my coworkers keeps inviting me to come to services at her church. They have a new minister. It is the Methodist church in the town that I now live in as opposed to the Methodist church that I go to in the town we used to live in. The two towns are connected and I actually probably live farther from the church in this town than the other church. But now I am really tempted to go. The one problem is that service is still at 9:30. She did say that when school starts the time changes and I'm pretty sure she said at 10:30 or 11 so that would be better. I don't know. My best friend's daughter was there with me for one of the people and she was also horrified. The next thing you know her grandpa was told and grandpa is one of the pillars of the church. He wanted to know exactly who those people were and he wanted to have words with them. I didn't tell him. I actually didn't know who the one fellow was. But anyway...

So that has had me down all day. We went shopping after church, like everyone else in town, and that was a horrible experience. I ended up spending over three hundred dollars and it didn't seem like I got that much stuff. I did buy formula though and thank goodness I have been able to breast feed this long!!! The nurse at the allergist's office said Jake would need to drink rice milk and I assumed we could start that at age one. I have been drinking it and using it on cereal since that appointment but it very plainly says not to give to children under the age of 5 without consulting a doctor. So I need to double check at our next appointment which is just before Jake's first birthday. It seems as though I might have typed this before... Anyway, I sure hope we can give him the rice milk because it is a lot cheaper and a whole lot less stinky than Nutramigen! I haven't blamed Jake for not wanting to drink that stuff.

I mentioned in my last post we have had a rough week. I kept telling them at daycare he was teething. They kept telling me they thought he had another ear infection. He does have a nasty nose and he is pulling his ears but both of those can go with teething. I keep telling them that the doctor said he will pull his ears for a long time and that it is now a habit not just a sign of an ear issue. Well his eye teeth broke through. He now has twelve!!! teeth through the gums. He still has a big blood blister over one of his molars that he is working on. Now I'm just wondering if it will make it through before he turns one or not. This child will be able to have steak at his own first birthday party!!!

Big weekend

Getting out of town was a good thing to do. I don't go do it enough. It was really nice that my sister and nephews could come up. I don't get to see my nephews enough and I certainly want the cousins to get to know on another. My nephews really enjoyed trying to teach Jake things to say or noises to make and he thought they were great.

Jake is not the best traveler. He slept most of the way down, but not all of it. He woke up as I was getting into heavier traffic and cried the last forty five miles or so. It was great. Traffic, screaming baby. Two of my favorite things. Actually traffic wasn't that bad and I took the back way down on a toll road so traffic was actually pretty light. It was worth the 34 miles of tolls! I went home on the interstate and it was horrible. I had more than fifty miles of construction and at one point the traffic completely stopped. That was about twenty five miles north of Denver so it wasn't even in the city. I'm not even sure why we were stopped. I watched vehicle after vehicle take the ditch and go over to the frontage road. After about 20 minutes I did the same thing. I probably would have been there between a half hour and hour if I hadn't so I was glad I did. So in the midst of this standing still on the way home Jake woke up so that made it even worse. He eventually settled down and played some.

We stayed in a pretty nice place. We had a full kitchen, two bedrooms, two bathrooms and then a living room with fire place and of course a sofa bed so it worked well for all of us. We were able to easily get carry out and have all the boys sitting at a table to eat. It was great and we didn't have to spend so much time waiting and it was less expensive since we didn't have drinks and tip. Plus there wasn't any whining in a restaurant to put up with.

Jake got to go on his first train ride followed by his first bus ride all to get us to the zoo. We spent six hours at the zoo and it was great. I haven't been to the Denver Zoo since I was in high school. I don't think it was the most exciting thing for Jake though because he could hardly see anything. We did get some nice up close and personal views of the lions and he liked that. He says "kitty" pretty well and now he can roar like a lion. That and make monkey noises. My youngest nephew has the tendency to wander off and that kept being a problem because there were a ton of people there. The hard part was taking the bus and train back, especially because we missed catching a bus by about two minutes and then we had to wait for 20 minutes and everyone was so tired.

We went to the Children's Museum the next day and I wasn't sure what to expect but I think everyone really had a good time. I don't think my sister was thinking her boys were going to enjoy it as much as they did, but they sure did. It had more stuff to do than we expected. There was even a nice area for the littlest guys and that was great. Jake loved it. He had a huge fit when I took him out of the baby area to go find his cousins. We even went back later while they were doing some other stuff and he was just happy as can be.

I got a little bit of shopping in and got some things we needed. I was able to go to a grocery store where I could get some things for Jake that I found on a few allergy websites. It was nice to not have to pay the higher prices and shipping! Now we will just have to try some of these things and see if he will eat them.

My sister brought me tons of stuff. I could barely get Jake and I into the SUV. She brought us a picnic table for Jake, another car seat, a little bike for him, a little grocery cart, books, toys, and bags and bags of clothes. I bought four big tubs to put the clothes in and they just fit. They are a bit big for now but it is going to be great to have so many really nice clothes when we get to 3T and up. We are practically set which is nice.

Jakey got to go swimming for the first time and LOVED it. He was kicking around and just having a ball. We were in the pool for a bit and his lips starting getting blue so I took him out. I wrapped him up and less than five minutes later he was trying to get away from me to get himself back into the water.

The week has been hard though. It has been really busy and we have had a couple of really bad nights. One big thing has changed and I'm not sure how I am dealing with it. Jake has started taking formula. They kept offering it to him at daycare and all the sudden this week he stopped throwing the bottle back at them. This is good since my milk supply (both my personal one and the one it the freezer) is diminishing. It is really hard though. In some respects I am excited. I am tired of being a slave to the breast pump. But this is also something I could do for him that no one else could. So it is making me sad. Part of me wants to keep going for a long time and another part of me is wanting to skip the weening and just be done with it all. I am looking forward to being able to have some peanut butter or peanuts and when I am not at home. To add to my week I have been a touch hormonal. AF stopped by for the first time since having Jake. I feel like all my moodiness from all the missed months has been saving up for this visit. Mike says I'm not that bad, but he values his life and body parts so he might lie.

I just keep wonder what happened to my baby because I suddenly have a little boy. I wonder when he will be

walking. He will walk holding only one of my hands. He has been pushin

g around the cart my sister brought as well as another toy he has and it is killing me. I know he is still using assistance but to see him moving upright without a person is really something. It scares me too. I keep looking around and wondering what he will get into, trip over, bonk, grap, or even worse, climb, next.

We are outta here - almost

We never go anywhere. Our jobs don't allow us much freedom to escape. This weekend Jake and I are making a break for it though. We are driving down to Denver tomorrow and my sister and her boys are driving up. Jake hasn't gone on an overnight stay away before. (we stayed over at my inlaws once but it was because I was on call). I am so glad to get out of town. I have been looking forward to this for quite awhile.

I don't know how much stuff to take with us though. I hope I get it right (I always pack too much). My sister is loading her SUV with stuff to pass on to us so we have to have plenty of room in the back. I love free stuff. I am a bit worried about the trip, however. Jake has been screaming a lot riding in the car and that is just around town. At first I thought he didn't like his new car seat and then it seemed to be fine. I am wondering again if there is something uncomfortable about this not inexpensive car seat.

I wish Mike was able to get out of town with us but it is no husbands. Not that he could get away anyway. He has made all these promises about what he is going to accomplish while we are gone. I am hopeful that he will get half of what he has said done. The garage is still completely packed with stuff - some that we actively need, but I can't physically get to it. There are cabinets up in the garage that he is going to take down to make room for his work bench and he has promised he will put them in the laundry room. I want that more than anything. There is no storage in our laundry room and I want to be able to put the soap and the rest of the household cleaners there, up out of a little boy's reach. I was able to type "little boy" without crying. He is growing up so fast! You can even see one of his molars in this picture.

I haven't seen my sister or nephews since Christmas so I am excited to see them. We are all going to stay in the same suite so we are going to get our share of each other really fast. Jake is such a terrible sleeper. I hope the boys don't keep him up and then in turn he keeps them up. I am excited and my car is even fixed. It had to have some work done that Mike couldn't get the parts to fix without going through the dealer and they flat out told us they would charge us this horrendous amount for the part to buy, but if they fixed it wouldn't cost anywhere as much. Does that make any sense at all??? It cost half what they quoted us for the part to have them fix it and put in the exact same part. I don't get it.

2 years

Today is our second wedding anniversary. Our lives have changed so much. Mine more than Mike's. I'm a little worried that Mike is afraid to take care of Jake on his own. I had to work last night and Mike took Jake over to his parents' house as soon as I left. He stayed there with Jake most of the time but Grandma fed him and changed his diaper. Mike said he played with him most of the time, but I worry about that.

But anyway, two years and we have been together just shy of ten years. There were lots of times I never thought we wouldn't make to this point. Wow! I wonder if this is what Mike saw for himself ten years ago. I will have to ask him.

Happy Fourth of July!!!

Happy July 4th (at least it was still the 4th when I started this). This has always been one of my favorite holidays. I'm not entirely sure why, but I would say it is probably because it was one of the time all my family would get together at my grandma's house. We would at Easter too and that wasn't such a big deal to me. I don't know but the 4th was almost as big as Christmas and honestly it might be my favorite holiday now. (I tend to get sad at Christmas because I miss those family get-togethers so much).

I happen to live in a state that allows fireworks so things have been nuts around here. I don't know how people can afford to set them off every night but some of the neighbors seem to. That isn't so great when the baby is trying to sleep and at 10pm the people across the street are lighting up the roll of 500 fire crackers! The law is that you are supposed to stop at 10 except for on the 4th when you can go until midnight. That law is hardly enforced. How can they? Mostly the police just try to keep people hurting themselves. So those of us who keep early hours suffer for a week or ten days (I don't remember how early they are allowed).

We usually get fireworks for just the fourth but Mike knew he would have to go to work some time tonight so he got some last night instead. We never go nuts like some people, but we spend our money where it matters. He always does such a good job. The way he arranges them and sets them off really is outstanding. Most years he uses a cigar to light them, but this year he impressed everyone by using his portable blow torch. (you may notice I said his portable blow torch - he does have one that is not easily portable. why?) So it was funny, there were people across the street setting some off from their backyard but they stopped and watched Mike's display and continued with theirs. The people directly across the street came out after a few minutes and sat and watched. It was funny because last night was the only night they didn't have any of their own (dad was at work). I just couldn't help but think that the neighbors should just get together and have a really nice display all at once.

We are still working on getting settled. I hate it and can't wait until the last of the boxes is unpacked. There are two things apparent to me. The first is that we have too much crap and the second is that I just don't have enough time to unpack stuff and spend quality time with Jake. So things are getting slowly unpacked. We are very happy that we are down to just one place as of the first of the month. We were still cleaning and having to take care of the yard there so now we can focus all of our attention here.

Jake took two really good naps today so I was able to get some work done. I finally have only one box in my kitchen that is full and it isn't going to be unpacked for awhile. We still have some kitchen boxes in the basement but things are looking much, much better. I took a load of collapsed boxes out to the trash in the alley and there was a party going on at the neighbors. I was walking back to my yard and someone yelled my name. It turns out the "dumba**es that are putting their fence up wrong" (according to Mike) across the alley are family of one of my friend's/coworkers. Her stepson, his wife and their baby moved there a few months ago. I didn't know. They were having the baby's first birthday party. My friend came over and wanted to know where Jake was and I told her he was napping. She said she would really like to see him and she would love for me to bring him over when he woke up. So when he woke up later I called her phone. She didn't answer and I kind of peaked at what was going on. Things had quieted down so I thought they were finishing up, no big deal. Well she called me back and said to bring that baby over right away. I thought we were just going to the fence so she could see him and show her husband because he hasn't seen him in a long time. She holds him and says come on in. I felt a bit uneasy about that. I was dressed in my grungy clothes and I didn't want to crash the party. The next thing I know that is exactly what we did. There were tons of people there and several that I know. In know time flat Jake is settled in on "Grandpa Dave's" knee and they are getting ready to open presents. So we watched. I didn't know how to make an exit. I felt bad. I got a less than pleased look from the baby's mom and from the other grandma. It just so happens the other grandma is a nurse at the hospital in OB. We ate no food and consumed no beverages, but I still feel bad. I am thinking that we will go and get a small gift and drop it off and apologize for crashing a baby party. Our boys are the same age and live right across the alley. I want to get off on the right foot! I just hope Mike hasn't done something stupid also.

So we came home and ate dinner and then when it came time, we went to my best friend's parents' house. They live about one block from where the town's firework display is set off. Her parents where gone but we still hung out there. I was amazed at Jake's reactions. He wasn't scared at all! He sat on Aunt Jojo's knee or her daughter's the whole time and watched. People were setting them off everywhere, including Joy's husband. I mean right there and he just loved it. I thought he would cry at the noise or be startled, but no, not one bit!! He even loved the sparklers we did at the end. I couldn't believe he stayed up so late either! He had a ball. I'm just sad Mike couldn't have been there to see it.

One of my coworkers had a baby yesterday and I thought I would make her dinner. That is the thing that I appreciated the most when I had Jake. I'm not sure what

to make. She has a two and half year old. I don't want to make something totally wrong. If

I ask her what she would like me to make she will tell me not to make anything. Any suggestions?

I took all of these pictures today. It was our progression through the day. The two pictures with Molly were taken at different times. She is so good with Jake!