Poor baby!

Poor Jake had allergy testing done today. Normally they do the skin testing on the back, but we couldn't. I was hoping to do blood work but they wanted immediate answers because the doctor only is in my town once a week. We would have to go back and get our results. So we had to use poor Jake's thighs to do the test because the eczema on Jake's back was too bad. They only did 17 different things I think. I was just sure he was going to be allergic to the cat and dogs but luckily he isn't. On the drive to the visit I was mentally making my plan of what to do with my animals and I was so relieved not to have to do anything!

So that was the good or even great news. It goes steeply down the mountain from there. Jake is allergic to milk, peanuts, and eggs. They had to redo some of the food tests because his reaction to eggs was so large that it covered the tests beside it. So then we had to do them on his upper arm. Those went much better. He actually fell asleep while we were waiting for those to react. But those results just confirmed the milk and peanut allergies. This sucks big time. I already knew about the milk. I figured that one out. He is still allergic to grapes but they didn't test for those. Anyway, is there a chance he could out grow these allergies???? Milk - probably. Eggs? The doctor said not likely because of the severity of the reaction. I am really, really hoping he is wrong. I do tons of baking. Eggs and dairy are in so many things. Peanuts - the doctor said he is doubtful. I feel bad for Jake, but we can work with this one. Peanut butter is one of my favorite things and I have limited it over the last year and a half because of Jake. I had some early when I was pregnant because there wasn't much protein I could eat. Now I'm told that may have been the cause. Well, if I hadn't had protein wouldn't we have more serious problems at the moment? So they (the nurse, not the doctor) tell me that soy is closely related to peanuts so we shouldn't have that either. Holy shit!!! I think she knows what she is telling me, but that means he can pretty much eat fresh veggies and fruits and meat, and then everything else has to be made at home so you can be sure what the heck is in it.

So I read the stuff they gave me. I got onto some of the websites from which the readings were obtained. I discovered that about 20% of small children with a peanut allergy will out grow it. That is better than I thought. I also read that only about 5% of the children with a peanut allergy also have trouble with soy. So this mommy is not cutting the soy yet. He doesn't even eat much but he still manages to get soy. If need be I will, but not freaking yet! Probably milk, maybe eggs, and a small possibility of peanuts. This is going to be hard for awhile but we will work it out. The doctor said he will retest in one year and see what is happening.

So what does he get to eat now? Still on breast milk, still trying not to take hypoallergenic formula, the stinker. Now I am supposed to eat around his allergies. MY LIFE WITHOUT DAIRY?!?!?!?! Awhile ago I opened the fridge door and looked around. Top shelf - yogurt, pudding, applesauce, dessert wine, milk x 2, butter sticks, spreadable butter, water, breast milk, mango baby food, and pear juice. Great. Next shelf - sour cream, cream cheese, something else dairy that I can't remember, fat free half and half, chocolate, tortillas, pizza, leftover chicken, leftover beef, and more butter. Bottom shelf - beer, eggs, a tube of breakfast sausage, more butter, applesauce, something from Mike's lunch in aluminum foil (yikes!). In the drawers - carrots, onions, garlic, cheese, cheese and more cheese, and deli ham and turkey. It was cottage cheese on that other shelf. I LOVE dairy. I can drastically limit eggs and avoid peanuts, but no dairy will kill me!

I just have to figure something out for my sweet boy's birthday cake. That is what keeps running through my mind. I know substitutes for eggs, but eggs and butter?? I have to figure something new out. Poor little guy, but hopefully we can get his skin well now. We did get daily allergy medicine, a different cream, and an epipen just in case...

It's hard

This morning was hard. We get into patterns and it is hard to deviate from the routine especially when you are only half awake when you get started. I am used to getting up in the morning and letting Lois out of his kennel first and then going to the bathroom and he would follow behind. I would pet him as I peed. Then I would let Molly out and take her for her walk. Well, we have been leaving Molly out at night the last two weeks since there have been strange things happening in the neighborhood. Besides she can handle it now. This morning it threw me off to open my bedroom door and walk out in the hall and almost trip over my giant dog. But then I went to let Lois out and I just stood there. I made Mike throw his kennel away before I came back from the vets and from taking Jake to the doctor for yet another ear infection. I just stood there. Molly nosed my hand a couple of times and snapped me back. So I went to the bathroom and took her out.

I kept going with my routine, but when I went to take a shower I stood there and held the door open and waited. Most mornings Lois would beat me to the bathroom for my shower but sometimes he would be behind, but either way he had to be in the bathroom while I was taking a shower. I don't know why but for all the years I had him this was a pattern he set. He used to have to check on me by peaking in the back of the shower but he stopped doing that regularly a few years back. It hit me really hard this morning when he didn't come that he would never be there again. I got in the shower and cried. Mike doesn't understand. He has always had a dog around but he doesn't form the attachment and the bond that I do. But the animals don't bond to him so much either.

I know there are animal people and there are people who don't like animals. There isn't a whole lot of middle ground. I know there are people who love dogs and can't see what a person could possibly see in a cat. There are some people like me who love them both and other animals too. It is hard for nonpet people to understand that it is very much like losing a human member of your family. I just miss him. I know I needed to do this but I was really hoping he would be one of those cats that lives into their twenties. Lois was the kind of cat that people that hate cats don't mind so much. He was really good with people. One of the things that is so hard now is that whenever I was upset he would try to comfort me. Now I don't have that.

Goodbye my friend

I had to do something very difficult today. I had to put a cat to sleep. Lois, a male cat, has been sick for awhile. He had digestive problems and he kept losing weight. A couple of days ago, Mike yelled at Lolo to get down. I fell asleep rocking Jake. I looked around because I thought he was up on a table or on Jake's jumper or something (he liked to go places he knew he wasn't allowed to go). Mike told him to get down again and at that point I realized he was on me. He was so light that I could not feel his weight on me at all.

He was a good cat with an ornery streak. He came to me when he was about 2 years old. It was when his first owner took him to be neutered that they learned he had been incorrectly named for his gender. When I got up the very first morning he had living in my house, I found him hanging in the curtains. He was snagged up in the sheers and the rod and bent in a V. He was fat then. He wasn't used to other cats and it took a bit of adjusting for him to fit be comfortable in my home. There were three cats then. If you scolded him at all it deeply hurt his feelings and he would hold a grudge something awful. I got a kitten two weeks before Lois came to live with me and very quickly they formed a bond. He raised her. He let her "nurse" on him. She actually found a teet and suckled. He groomed her and played with her.

He was very playful. He loved to lay on you. He was very friendly. He loved to greet guests. He always reached out and touched you with a paw to get your attention. He would get on your lap and then he would very slowly work his way up so that he was up as high as he could be on you. He was a bit sneaky and thought you wouldn't notice what he was doing. I got another kitten shortly after I had to put my oldest cat to sleep. Lois raised her also. She was a little pistol and went to live with my mom. She still sucked on Lois even though she was five. She sucked a clump of fur on his chest. She would come push up to his chest and he would groom her. He was a care taker. He even gave his people a bath. I was very sad when I had to start closing him out of the bedroom after Mike came to live with us. I didn't think it was fair because the cats had been there first, but Mike claimed to be allergic to cats.

Good bye my dear friend, Lois. You will always be in my heart. I am sad that Jake didn't get to know you better. You were so good with kids. I love you and I'm sorry.

My boy!

I can't believe how fast he is growing! We seem to take two steps forward and one step back though. He will do well with his sleeping and then like this weekend he will be horrible about going to sleep at night. Then he will SCREAM in his crib so hard he makes himself sick. Mommy is so tired. He got me up at three and I was finally able to go back to sleep about 3:50 but my alarm went off at 4:20. Mommy has been the walking dead today. She should be in bed because Jake is actually still in his bed.

He has cried and fussed a ton too. He doesn't want to be put down unless it is in a shopping cart or stroller. Then you have to keep them moving. He will play for awhile and then stop and cry at you. He is really yanking my hair again right now and gets my glasses off as soon as he can get anywhere near my face.

He is growing and changing so much though. He does sit and plat with more complex toys. He still doesn't crawl yet but he is so close. He will scoot backwards or turn in circles on the floor until he gets where he wants to be.

He hasn't gotten any more teeth, but I think he is working on it. So I think that was some of the problem this weekend. That and he was having trouble being constipated. Now that he is eating so much he is having a little trouble. Baby food with meat seems to be the worst.

He hardly takes his pacifier anymore. He does chew and suck his left thumb a lot now. My mom is just going to eat that up. She wants him to be left handed. I wouldn't mind it just because I am so left handed. It is easier for me to help and teach left handed.

I can hardly keep my eyes open. I have to go take the dogs out before I start drooling!

Where to shop???

We are finally getting Jake baptized. I asked the minister and asked her and she kept telling me it was only worked into certain services on certain Sundays. I asked her again and she said we could do it whenever we wanted, any Sunday at all. ???? Okay, whatever. We are doing it Mother's Day. I need something for him to wear. I want something nice but not one of those little white suits. I can't find anything nice in town and I have looked at more than a dozen different websites. No luck. Any suggestions???

1 year

One year ago today I woke up with the terrible stiff neck because I thought I had slept funny. I never imagined when I got up that morning what was in store for me. The function hasn't returned completely, like they were just sure it would and I still have pain and spasticity. It is a lot better now that I am taking the medicine the Physiatrist prescribed. However, the medications (he gave me two) have a lot of side effects so far that I am not happy with.

The Physiatrist was very nice at least. He had a lot of answers for me. I didn't like them all and it has put me in my funk. The drugs he "gave" me make me sleepy, clumsy, crabby, make my vision blurry, make my ankles and feet swell, and I have trouble speaking sometimes. But the most common side effect is severe dizziness and I haven't had that. I was mildly dizzy a couple of times but not bad at all. Not what I was expecting. He told me a dozen times or more not to stop taking the drugs because the side effects will get better. I sure hope so because I am covered with bruises and there are times it is all I can do to get up out of a chair because I am so sleepy. Great for work and taking care of baby!!

My face probably won't get any better as far as strength and movement, but it isn't too bad actually. Most people wouldn't notice or they might just think I was a bit weird (so they would be right). My mouth still raises when I close my right eye or if I raise my left eyebrow. But I can raise my left eyebrow. Not independently of the right, but not everyone can do that anyway. The pain is not the same nerve that goes with the paralysis. The two nerves run parallel and most people don't have problems with the Trigeminal nerve when they have Bell's Palsy, but I get to be lucky. I ended up with Trigeminal Neuralgia. We don't know what will happen yet. We don't know how long I will need to take medication, but hopefully not forever. At least I can smile at my son. I'll just keep with it. What else can I do?

walk

I took Jake for a long walk today. The weather was nice at our house, a bit windy, but still 65 degrees. I took him to this really nice walking path we have that follows the river we have. It is about five miles, maybe, from our house. The wind was so horrible I could barely push the stroller. Jake was all snug and warm and thought it was a great trip.

There are so many geese right now and they are all nesting. I can't tell you how many places I saw just the head of a female sticking out of some brush or grass or something and ten or so feet away there was the male standing guard, protecting his family. I don't know why but it really struck me to see how protective the papas were of their mates and those little eggs.

I remember being taught that geese are monogamous and frequently don't even seek another mate if something happens to theirs. For some reason I find this to be terribly romantic. But I remember hearing some scientist say some time ago that they did DNA studies on different groups of geese and actually found that wasn't exactly true. He said that they found more than one father to the eggs under the females. He said promiscuity was rampant. I remember just hating that man and wanting to know why they felt the need to study this.

So now when I see the father standing guard over his mate, I still try to think of them as mates for life and that he would do anything for her. I like the romantic version so much better!

Pictures

I have been struggling a little bit. I just seem to be having a hard time with everything. Amazingly I just don't want to talk about it. Or maybe I just don't know what to say.

Jake's six month - turned into seven month - pictures are back already. I was thinking it was going to take extra time because she was unexpectedly gone a week and instead we had our slide show in 1 week. She tells you ten to fourteen days normally and I was thinking closer to three weeks this time, so I got a pleasant surprise today. I will share the pictures, but I wish I could edit them. I don't even recognized the person in those pictures. In most of them you can't really tell my face still has problems. I can of course, but I just can't believe that fat face is me. I guess I haven't gotten used to the person I have become. That means I need to change it right? I need to because I have gained ten pounds in the six weeks. I guess the pictures don't lie.

http://www.kellyhighbyphotography.com/slideshows/

The password is "jacobc"

I do like them though. Jake wasn't cooperative for long, but there are some that are still pretty cute.