So instead of going in and having an ultrasound and biopsy and walking out with a prescription for clom.id I went in peed in a cup and walked out with a prescription for prenatal vitamins and giant folder filled with pregnancy information. So it wasn't a surprise. We had figured it out the weekend before but it was still a shock. We also chucked out the fancy ovulation predictor thing too. We are a bit surprised. I was hoping to keep it to myself for a bit longer but I started throwing up last week. I am reluctant, so I was hoping to wait until my first ultrasound to share the news with everyone. I don't have to be reminded how old I am and how my eggs aren't the greatest any more. I am tired and just feel like barfing all the time even if I'm not throwing up anywhere near as much as I did last time. I have my first OB appointment on the tenth or eleventh. I tried to schedule my next appointment and ultrasound when I scheduled that appointment but the wouldn't let me. I forgot what a nightmare it was scheduling OB appointments around my work schedule.
I am so tired. I had work for only four hours yesterday and I came home and Mike let me sleep for four hours. I've had a really bad cold and that hasn't helped. I've just been pretty miserable for about ten days and it is hard for me to tell what symptoms belong to what. One thing is weird, my nose is plugged but my sense of smell has still gone crazy. Another thing is that my uterus has been so noticeable already. I don't remember that from Jake. I mean it feels like there is a big hard grapefruit in my pelvis. It is especially noticeable when I lay down or if my bladder gets full it is painful. I don't know. I am just not ready to get too excited yet. I'm just waiting for an ultrasound.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
What do you think?
We had a subscription to this allergy magazine and I didn't renew it several issues ago. It is a good magazine, but it seems to me they devote more than half of it to Celiac disease. They have really good articles but the recipes make me scratch my head sometimes. I mean they contain so many of the top allergens. Anyway, there was an article about service dogs. There are a couple of places that train dogs to sniff for peanuts. So how crazy is it for me to be seriously considering this? These dogs are so good at this that they can identify books in the library that have been handled by someone that touched peanuts. This would make me feel so much better about sending my child to school. This would totally get my son's ass kicked. Not even mentioning that he is currently allergic to dogs. The waiting list is very long and the dogs are very expensive. One of the two places that happens to train the dogs is actually in Colorado so it isn't even very far away. My husband rolls his eyes, but I don't want my son to die. Am I going overboard? The wait is years. The current cost to train a dog is ten thousand. I know there are children that successfully live with this allergy everyday. I also have seen numbers on how many die and how people don't understand the seriousness of allergies. I don't know how we will be able to send him to play at some one's house. With a dog, you can just do a little once over and know if he can't be there. Peace of mind. An easy to my anxiety. But is it nuts?
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Struggling
So this week I did finally fall apart on someone when I was asked when I was going to have another baby. I was already having a difficult day but it was more than I could handle. I burst into tears. I don't remember ever asking anyone that. Do people not realize that in the first place it is none of their damn business??? Let alone that that is kind of very personal? I've had a really hard time coping this week. I just don't know how to handle people. I recently got mad at a friend for bringing up my issues. I don't discuss what is happening with my body its issues with anyone. Not friends or family. People know that I want another child but I don't want to share my issues with them. I have a friend that I know has problems and I listen whenever she needs to talk but I never pester her for "updates." It isn't my business unless she wants to tell me. I think that makes it easier to talk to me when she feels she needs to.
I'm really down and it makes me sad for Jake. I'm trying really hard to give him everything he needs but I'm having a hard time not just laying in a lump in bed or on the couch. I don't want to function the past few days. A lot of crying. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just depressed and truly having trouble doing what needs to be done. I truly came to the realization this week that having one child doesn't make it easier when you want a baby. "At least you have one..." doesn't help. Sure, that child may help keep you busy, but it might almost make the pain worse because you know the love. I feel like I'm doing Jake a disservice. I know I'm being a baby. I know that we were hoping the fertility Gods would look down on us and that January would be the month. I know January isn't over and all, but if I have yet to ovulate since I went off the pill that things aren't looking good. I know I have an appointment not this coming week but the following week for an ultrasound and biopsy of my uterus (not looking forward to that). I know that we will figure out a plan with that. It just sucks. I truly have no energy. I don't sleep well. I am so tired but can't get to sleep and it is so hard to force myself out of bed in the morning. I just don't think my thyroid is off enough to be making me feel this crummy. I don't think it is depression either. I don't know. I will just keep working to make it through each day at a time. I just feel like I have been doing that for so long.
I do get to meet the area's closet RE next week. He happens to be giving a presentation to health care professionals on infertility testing and treatment. He is from about 150 miles away. But he isn't who the OBs refer to. They refer people to a much larger group farther away. That would be a problem for us. Having to go see this doctor would be a problem for us with both our jobs. Mike has no sort of schedule at all and going out of town at all is problem. I know what a struggle it has been to get to the stinking allergist! I just hope the doctor here can help me. I know I am going to have to be using my connections already. Thank goodness I have them I guess. I just don't want to abuse it.
It is occurring to me that it is 2:32 now and I have been up since before 6:30. I have not eaten today. I had some coffee this morning when Jake had breakfast. I suppose I should eat something. It doesn't occur to me to eat when Jake eats because he eats so often.
I'm really down and it makes me sad for Jake. I'm trying really hard to give him everything he needs but I'm having a hard time not just laying in a lump in bed or on the couch. I don't want to function the past few days. A lot of crying. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just depressed and truly having trouble doing what needs to be done. I truly came to the realization this week that having one child doesn't make it easier when you want a baby. "At least you have one..." doesn't help. Sure, that child may help keep you busy, but it might almost make the pain worse because you know the love. I feel like I'm doing Jake a disservice. I know I'm being a baby. I know that we were hoping the fertility Gods would look down on us and that January would be the month. I know January isn't over and all, but if I have yet to ovulate since I went off the pill that things aren't looking good. I know I have an appointment not this coming week but the following week for an ultrasound and biopsy of my uterus (not looking forward to that). I know that we will figure out a plan with that. It just sucks. I truly have no energy. I don't sleep well. I am so tired but can't get to sleep and it is so hard to force myself out of bed in the morning. I just don't think my thyroid is off enough to be making me feel this crummy. I don't think it is depression either. I don't know. I will just keep working to make it through each day at a time. I just feel like I have been doing that for so long.
I do get to meet the area's closet RE next week. He happens to be giving a presentation to health care professionals on infertility testing and treatment. He is from about 150 miles away. But he isn't who the OBs refer to. They refer people to a much larger group farther away. That would be a problem for us. Having to go see this doctor would be a problem for us with both our jobs. Mike has no sort of schedule at all and going out of town at all is problem. I know what a struggle it has been to get to the stinking allergist! I just hope the doctor here can help me. I know I am going to have to be using my connections already. Thank goodness I have them I guess. I just don't want to abuse it.
It is occurring to me that it is 2:32 now and I have been up since before 6:30. I have not eaten today. I had some coffee this morning when Jake had breakfast. I suppose I should eat something. It doesn't occur to me to eat when Jake eats because he eats so often.
Friday, January 01, 2010
Happy New Year!
2010 Wow! 2010 already? Time is going so fast! I guess I'm glad to have the holidays done again for another year. We had a good season except that we couldn't make it to be with my family when I actually had the time off work. I guess it wasn't meant to be. We got to be with Mike at least. He came home in the wee hours of Christmas Eve morning and didn't end up going back to work until the 27th I think. It was nice. It was relaxed. The weather was so horrible that no one did anything or went anywhere out in the world. It made it easier to not be off with my family.
Jake was so much fun. We had already opened our presents (and mine had been returned because my husband never listens to me) since Jake and I were supposed to be gone. So Jake got to be the only one and he just had so much fun. He still doesn't get Santa. I mean he saw Santa a few times and can tell us what he got from Santa, but he is too young to wake up super early to see what Santa brought. Actually, he slept until 7 and we were able to let Daddy sleep until 8. He was very excited about his gifts. Santa brought him Handy Manny and his tools and then Manny's tool set also. Oh my goodness. Manny goes with us everywhere. He sleeps with hard plastic Manny. Of course Manny talks so we hear him in the middle of the night. He even calls all the tools by there names. Manny gets his own chair at the table for dinner time even. Thankfully, he hasn't thought of bath time - at least not yet! We've had trains, tools and cars all over our house since Christmas and we don't even mind. He cleans up every night, but he still wants to play with each of his new toys every day.
The best is bedtime though. We rearranged Jake's room to accommodate a new train table and we made a huge deal about his bed. It is still his crib converted to a toddler bed. We haven't manage a twin bed yet. But we have finally been able to get him to walk to his bed and get in it and go to sleep every night since last weekend. That is HUGE. He made it until 6 one morning even. The other nights he comes to our door crying and I let him get in bed then. The earliest that happened was 2, it is usually more like 4 and since my alarm goes off a few minutes before 5 I don't want to fight with making him go back to sleep in his own bed for that short time. Well, not yet anyway. We are very excited about this. He did really well with the potty while we were off too. He doesn't do very well with daycare yet. I think he is just still too busy playing to want to spend the time sitting on the potty. But since it is going fairly well at home they started stepping it up this week. I mean we aren't there at all but he usually doesn't fight with me when I want him to sit on the potty, but he only occasionally tells us when he needs the potty. We will get there. I know he isn't two and half yet, but I am kind of ready to be done with all the darn diapers. I'd much rather be starting a supply of the smaller sizes!
I finally went and got my lab work done yesterday. It looks kind of like what the doctor was guessing. I mean we still have to do the ultrasound and biopsy but it looks like it might not be to terrible. I don't know that for sure yet. I didn't get to talk to her, but I got the numbers. Nothing was truly abnormal but there were some key fringes. My thyroid is still working but it is only a tenth off the cut off. My prolactin was still normal but it was a point below the top. My hemoglobin and hematacrit are hovering at the bottom from Aunt Flo's terrible visits. So we wills see what we get from the rest of the tests later this month but it looks like a little work with the thyroid might help the prolactin come down a little. A bump with the thyroid would help get some energy and get a few pounds off and drop the estrogen levels a little and then I might just ovulate, since I'm not. Clomid or no Clomid? She was leaning towards it the last time we talked. The best things was that I passed the glucose tolerance test with flying colors. There isn't any diabetes in my family, which is surprising since I come from fatties but there isn't (yet). She was concerned about PCOS with my problems but the glucose test going so well makes that seem less likely. I was just really afraid about that. I am not ready to deal with a diagnosis of type II diabetes! But I guess it is better to deal with it than have it and not! I worry about that with Mike. He doesn't really have any strong symptoms, but he is more than a couple pounds overweight and so many people in his family have it. I think his sister was diagnosed in her early to mid twenties. So anyway, I was really worried what the labs would (or wouldn't) show and it turned out pretty well.
Jake was so much fun. We had already opened our presents (and mine had been returned because my husband never listens to me) since Jake and I were supposed to be gone. So Jake got to be the only one and he just had so much fun. He still doesn't get Santa. I mean he saw Santa a few times and can tell us what he got from Santa, but he is too young to wake up super early to see what Santa brought. Actually, he slept until 7 and we were able to let Daddy sleep until 8. He was very excited about his gifts. Santa brought him Handy Manny and his tools and then Manny's tool set also. Oh my goodness. Manny goes with us everywhere. He sleeps with hard plastic Manny. Of course Manny talks so we hear him in the middle of the night. He even calls all the tools by there names. Manny gets his own chair at the table for dinner time even. Thankfully, he hasn't thought of bath time - at least not yet! We've had trains, tools and cars all over our house since Christmas and we don't even mind. He cleans up every night, but he still wants to play with each of his new toys every day.
The best is bedtime though. We rearranged Jake's room to accommodate a new train table and we made a huge deal about his bed. It is still his crib converted to a toddler bed. We haven't manage a twin bed yet. But we have finally been able to get him to walk to his bed and get in it and go to sleep every night since last weekend. That is HUGE. He made it until 6 one morning even. The other nights he comes to our door crying and I let him get in bed then. The earliest that happened was 2, it is usually more like 4 and since my alarm goes off a few minutes before 5 I don't want to fight with making him go back to sleep in his own bed for that short time. Well, not yet anyway. We are very excited about this. He did really well with the potty while we were off too. He doesn't do very well with daycare yet. I think he is just still too busy playing to want to spend the time sitting on the potty. But since it is going fairly well at home they started stepping it up this week. I mean we aren't there at all but he usually doesn't fight with me when I want him to sit on the potty, but he only occasionally tells us when he needs the potty. We will get there. I know he isn't two and half yet, but I am kind of ready to be done with all the darn diapers. I'd much rather be starting a supply of the smaller sizes!
I finally went and got my lab work done yesterday. It looks kind of like what the doctor was guessing. I mean we still have to do the ultrasound and biopsy but it looks like it might not be to terrible. I don't know that for sure yet. I didn't get to talk to her, but I got the numbers. Nothing was truly abnormal but there were some key fringes. My thyroid is still working but it is only a tenth off the cut off. My prolactin was still normal but it was a point below the top. My hemoglobin and hematacrit are hovering at the bottom from Aunt Flo's terrible visits. So we wills see what we get from the rest of the tests later this month but it looks like a little work with the thyroid might help the prolactin come down a little. A bump with the thyroid would help get some energy and get a few pounds off and drop the estrogen levels a little and then I might just ovulate, since I'm not. Clomid or no Clomid? She was leaning towards it the last time we talked. The best things was that I passed the glucose tolerance test with flying colors. There isn't any diabetes in my family, which is surprising since I come from fatties but there isn't (yet). She was concerned about PCOS with my problems but the glucose test going so well makes that seem less likely. I was just really afraid about that. I am not ready to deal with a diagnosis of type II diabetes! But I guess it is better to deal with it than have it and not! I worry about that with Mike. He doesn't really have any strong symptoms, but he is more than a couple pounds overweight and so many people in his family have it. I think his sister was diagnosed in her early to mid twenties. So anyway, I was really worried what the labs would (or wouldn't) show and it turned out pretty well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
