I have been doing alright the past couple of days. I have had nausea in the morning but I haven't gotten sick. Today has been four days and I have my fingers crossed for tomorrow. I did have my first migraine yesterday since I got pregnant and I cried. I cried a lot yesterday and I don't really know why. I don't have any migraine medicine that I can take and I didn't take a pain pill either. I have a big mug of caffeinated tea and I holed my self up in the dark and tried to sleep it out. It got better faster than I expected.

Our water heater took a dump yesterday. It didn't rust out thank God, but it stopped working all together. We have suspected it has been on its last leg for awhile, but we weren't sure. Mike thinks it was 26 years old so I guess it had served its time. That is the one good thing about renting. The bad thing is that our landlord lives about four hours away and was stuck in a snow storm. The very same snow storm that has had Mike home from work for three days now. If no one can get to the coal mine then no one can load the trains. So no one can take trains to the mines. Thank goodness he was home. My landlord has this "handyman" that she likes use. He got a new heater and brought it over and my husband helped him. Mike could have gone out and gotten a new one and put it in himself. It probably would have been easier, but we shouldn't have to right. He shouldn't have to help either, right? I am not impressed at all by this handyman. Mike has been trying to fix all the problems that he created. We still have crap for water pressure with the hot water only. We had no running water at all when the handyman left. Mike told me he was concerned about how this was being hooked up when the handyman made one of several trips to the hardware store. There was water spraying all over our basement because he didn't tighten the line to the heater. That sucks because we don't have a drain in the floor of the basement. We also had pipes full of sand and air. My FIL used to be a plumber and he talked with the watersoftener company and they think sand has clogged some of the filters in the watersoftener and that is the current problem. I don't know and I don't care. I just want to be able to wash the dishes piled all over my kitchen and I want to be able to wash the soap out of my hair tomorrow morning in the shower. It was a challenge this morning.

I took Molly in to get shots yesterday morning and I took her back to the vets today to get her teeth cleaned. They told me a couple of years ago that labs have a tendency to form super hard plaque and there isn't much you can do about it. I have given her "special" food and treats but it doesn't matter. Of course the definition of "special" is super expensive and very difficult to find. I feel bad because I probably waited longer than I should. I thought I had done her some permanent damage but I was wrong. Her teeth look beautiful now. She is funny on the other hand. She was still staggering when I picked her up. She was drooling when I got her home. She drank a lot and then pretty much passed out. She is perking up now because she keeps chasing a cat, but just for a minute and then lays down again. I took Sparky in this morning when I dropped Molly off to get his shots. Thank God the dog that ways 98 pounds is well behaved because the one that is 20 pounds is almost impossible to gain control over. I was so embarrassed. He was scared and shaking, but I couldn't get him to settle down on the scale. Then we went into the exam room and he pooped on the floor. It was 0900 and he pooped twice before we left home. Oh well, I had a sample for the vet when she wanted to do a fecal exam. He scattered all her papers and supplies around the room while I was trying to get him on the exam table while the vet took the pooh away. When she came back in he was in love and was a damn angel. I couldn't believe it. Does anyone know about the cost of chipping a dog? I was going to ask but I by the time my bill was just under $400 I seemed to forget. I don't know how it works either. I think they just shoot it under the skin but maybe they have to make an incision. I don't know, but Sparky is a runner and I suspect it would be a good idea.

I still can't believe this weather. Wednesday we had the doors and windows open because it was 70 degrees and today the high was in the 20's. We didn't get anymore snow like they thought we might, but we got about five inches yesterday. That is normal spring for us though.

Getting better, again. For good??

I had to call the doctor's office again this morning and it still took another four hours for someone to call me back with results today. That is okay because I already figured out I was going to be fine. Of course that was more than $1000 latter. Any way, the nurse told me exactly what I had figured out for myself. I had a collection of fluid in the space where my gallbladder used to be. The amount of fluid has decreased, and thus the pain is getting better. She said that this is actually a fairly normal occurrence. I didn't know this and no one warned me so I wouldn't freak out. However, it was something that I should have had looked at like I did. She also went over my labs with me which was interesting. I know this nurse has the same education as I do. I know that she actually deals with blood work more than I do. I also know that I explained some of the results to her because she said a couple of times she wasn't sure what something meant.

I was a little surprised, yet not, about my labs. All of the things in my blood pertaining to healing and protein are low. Well, all that throwing up and not being able to eat much is reflected there. That makes me concerned for Tiger. (I now call the baby Tiger since my husband says if I keep call it "her" a "he" would get a complex). I just hope that Tiger has been able to get what Tiger needs. I truly know that I have done what I could. I know that I have tried to eat lean, high protein meals as much as I can. I have also tried to get as much calcium as I have been able. What it is is what is I guess. Now I am able to do much better but is it soon enough? I don't know. I think Tiger will be as fine as any child of mine could be!

I called the daycare at our church again today. That is really where we want Tiger to go. I called and called right after my NT scan to get us on the waiting list. I just had to wait until I knew everything was alright in there before I called. The director was new and had no idea what the status of "the list" was. So I was hoping things were better and they are. We don't have a spot, but we don't not have a spot. There is one vacancy in October and one other person called about it before me. I am a member of the church, the director doesn't know about the other person. So... I potentially had the edge. I definitely plan on having a discussion with the minister. I was going to ask her if there is anyone at church that has a home daycare anyway. I am having no success finding somewhere that works. My husband said today that maybe I won't have to go back to work if I can't find daycare. He also said that he doesn't really want our baby to go anywhere other than "our" church. That made me chuckle because he was raised in a different church sort of. He was baptized and confirmed. His own confirmation was probably the last time anyone in his family went to church until his sister's wedding five years ago. They give me a hard time about going to church, but I don't care. So we'll see if I can't secure this spot just yet and put my mind at ease.

Pain

Saturday I woke up having this terrible stabbing pain right where my gallbladder used to be. It hurt most of the time but got much worse when I would take a breath. I was also about twenty shades of green until at least 1000. I didn't throw up but the pain wasn't pleasant. I thought maybe I had done something wrong in my sleep or a scab on the inside had come off. I don't know but by Sunday it was definitely worse than any of the pain I had right after surgery. I tried to not do a lot this weekend, but I think I did to much. I did a lot of running around, a family brunch, and a birthday party. Yesterday morning I threw up almost first thing. I made for a record four mornings without throwing up until yesterday. It has been different too since after surgery. Sometimes I have the nausea I had before and I can talk myself out of it and but the times I have thrown up I break out in a cold sweat, I have to stop dead in my tracks and run to the bathroom as fast as I can. I supposed it isn't that different. But somehow it feels different right before.

Anyway, I called the doctor's office first thing yesterday morning. I knew that pain wasn't right but I don't think it was bad enough to call the doctor on the weekend. It got pretty close Sunday night, but I didn't want to be a bad patient. So I called and they agreed that it didn't sound like I had just over done it and was sore. They had me to work me in yesterday afternoon. I had to wait forever. I didn't mind, but I had my friend that is off for her surgery drive me because I hurt to much to drive. I felt bad that she had to wait. The surgeon I saw was not the one that did my surgery. If there had been a choice of doctors I would have picked another one, but I didn't have a choice. I just have reservations about this doctor still. He hasn't been a doctor for all that long and he is new to the practice. He is still used to how they do things somewhere else in a smaller hospital and I have had some... interesting experiences with him so far in emergency/trauma situations. I may,also, have also been a little bitchy to him when he has a tendency to whine over stupid things that we can't do anything about in that moment in time. I just have a hard time believing that he was a surgeon in a mobile hospital in Iraq. I guess I had a different expectation.

I digress again. He pretty much told me that he was going to treat me differently because of who I am, not because of the baby like everyone else says, but because I am an nurse he would have to face. When you are a health care provider you generally dread having to take care of another health care provider (or their families). For whatever reason, if something out of the ordinary is going to happen it will happen to them. So he wanted to be "overly cautious" and ordered a bunch of labs and several Xrays and another ultrasound of my liver where my gallbladder used to be. I have been poked and prodded and now I wait. Will they find anything? I'm guessing not. The pain started getting better yesterday after I made the appointment. It is better today than it was yesterday. Now it only hurts when I take a moderate sized breath not all the time. I still just want to cry. They do all this stuff to me and all I want is for them to look or listen to the baby and make sure it is okay. That would probably make me feel better than anything.

Looking up???

I gave the chair a try last night for sleeping, but I couldn't get comfortable. So I went back to the bed. It was just me last night so that always makes a difference. The body pillow really does help. I did fine. I got in the bed about about ten, went to the bathroom about midnight and didn't wake up until 0532 when the phone starting ringing. It was a fax machine, as it was at 0543, 0652, and then at 0703 it was a woman from my OB's office wanting to catch me before we went to work. Amazingly I went to sleep between each of these calls. That isn't like me. I had very little pain. Tonight I think I will just take the tyle.nol and only take the stronger stuff if I wake up hurting a lot. Mike is home tonight. Would it be mean to ask him to sleep in the chair?

Here is the very best part... I woke up HUNGRY. No nausea at all, just hunger. I waited a little bit just to be on the safe side and then I was only brave enough to eat a yogurt. Actually, for me eating dairy first is pretty brave, but you really don't want me to explain why. I ate it and was hungry again in about two hours!

I was so relieved that Mike was home early enough that he could take me to the doctor. I drove yesterday, but quite honestly, I wish I hadn't. It is only a 2.5 mile drive and traffic is very minimal. There isn't even a stop light on the way. I could feel it in my stomach when I made very wide turns and with the gas and the break. Mike took me and slept in the waiting room. I was in the back for less than five minutes. He ripped off the steristrips (and some skin) and told me he the incisions are going to look ugly for a number of months because he put the dermal stitches in deep due to the increasing tension. I told him I was a little worried about that since I am a bikini model and all. They won't scar well and that is fine, but I was concerned about them healing and staying closed with the upcoming changes in my body. We talked about returning to work and I told him I was really concerned about being able to do my job and my lack of energy. He said it might take me 4-6 weeks to get my energy back. He told me to just stop by the office and have a nurse stamp a return to work paper whenever I am ready!!!! Can you believe that! I can't take 4 weeks off. I need to have some time left to get some income when I am off for the baby. I am shooting on trying to work partial days on the third week, but I'm not going to push it. This isn't just my health I have to take into consideration. It is still weird for me to think that.

He said I had crystallized stones made from cholesterol in my gallbladder. Stones can be made of different things. That isn't the most common, but he said it isn't unusual. He also said that there is no doubt that would make someone nauseated and have that pain I had. He said my nausea may truly go away!!!! Dare I hope?? He said to give it about another week and whatever problems where gallbladder related will be resolved. I am going to take it one day at a time, but there is some hope that I won't throw up every day until the baby comes!!! I feel so optimistic, but if it isn't true I know I will make it. My voice is finally coming back. It isn't normal yet but it is so much better. Hope...

Whining

I don't know how I expected to feel, but this might not be it. I guess I was expecting (dare I say hoping?) that I would need to sleep a lot. That isn't true. I am sore but not a whole lot more than when I was coughing and vomiting. The soreness is just mostly on my right side. If I get to coughing or breathe really deeply it hurts under my ribs. I would say I only truly have pain at night, you know, when I really want to sleep. I have had to get up for about three hours each of the last two nights.

Monday night I woke up at about 0140 (I guess that would be Tuesday) and I knew that this was going to require another pain pill kind of pain. I am only taking pain medication before I go to bed since Sunday because I can certainly handle sore. When I have the pain it isn't as bad as the pain I was having before surgery, even when I was hurting the most in the hospital. Anyway, I got up and ate a piece of bread so I could take a pain pill. I took the pill and finished my glass of water. I then realized I was cramping and pretty badly. I don't know if that is what woke me up or the pain in my side. I got back in bed and talked it over with my husband. I thought about and realized I hadn't had very much to drink that day and I had diarrhea after lunch and I threw up after dinner. This was not my best day. I only threw up because I had been crying so hard. Did I have a good reason? Not really. So got myself out of bed, grabbed two large glasses of water, climbed up into the throne, slapped a pillow under my right side and laid back so my feet were higher than my head. On top of this I had the feeling I needed to pee, but there was nothing and I was terribly itchy. I gave myself an hour to get better and then I was calling the OB and going to the hospital. I have never, to my knowledge, had a contraction. I have, however, seen them in action and monitored them on others. My "cramp" was a constant tightening of the uterus, I didn't feel it tighten and relax. So after about thirty minutes all was better. I had about half a glass of water left and I was wide awake. I finished my water and then I had to pee every 5-10 minutes. Oh well, I eventually made it back to bed. I got up and threw up though and I was so disappointed. Three mornings in a row I didn't get sick. I was SOOO hoping that was it. Nope, I believe I made up for at least two of the three with that too.

Last night my husband got called to work at about three and I just could go back to sleep. I was hurting but I didn't want to take anything. I tried to sleep for about an hour and then I got up and cleaned out my dresser. Then I read for a few minutes and was able to go back to sleep for a couple more hours. I can't seem to get much for naps either. Yesterday I didn't take on at all and the other days something wakes me up and I don't get back to sleep. I hoping to get some sleep here in a few minutes though.

I had to go into work today to sign up for my work schedule for the next month. We are giving self-scheduling a go. I think that is ridiculous and was one of the things I was crying about the other day. Oh well, I am not on the scheduling committee any more so I don't have to worry about trying to fix what my coworkers fuck up. (that is what happened last time we gave this a try). Anyway, I don't think this will stop the bitching. Then I was headed to the billing office when my MIL called. I haven't seen her in over a week. She called to invite me to lunch. I was tired already but I went. The billing office laughs at me because I work so hard to get my bills paid. They will allow hospital employees to have a payroll deduction to pay our hospital bills. I had just paid off my last surgery, and most of the labs that I had drawn when I got pregnant. They laugh at me because I don't want to wait until everything has cleared insurance before I start paying the bill. Sometimes that takes several months and with the baby coming I want to get the bill under control as soon as possible. I just don't want to owe my employer, you know? Just like I don't like working with a doctor knowing that I owe them money (even when the bill hasn't come yet).

Caution! Intra-abdominal pictures ahead

I asked my surgeon to take a picture of my uterus for me since I felt this was a unique opportunity. I thought I could toss these pictures in the old baby book. That, of course, implies that I will have to make one. Maybe I will pay my MIL and SIL because they LOVE doing that sort of thing. Anyway, here is my uterus at 17w3d. It looks kind of small in that big old cavity there. I was a little disappointed but then I stopped and looked. That is my colon that my uterus is nestled up to so when I actually think about it, I realize it IS taking up a lot of space in there. (if you are interested, I would say the picture on the left is looking kind of from the right side so the fundus is on the left side of the picture. The picture on the right is looking more on the diagonal with right side closet to the camera. Or at least that is how the pictures look to me) I didn't include the gallbladder pictures because who cares about that

We're fine

Surgery went well. My gallbladder was HUGE. It was also stuck to my small bowel which we don't see very often. My surgery went ahead of schedule, which was wonderful. I was in the recovery room a little longer, but they were having trouble finding the baby's heartbeat the second time they went to check it. I didn't freak out. There was a 5 year old in the bay next door screaming his head off and they couldn't hear. One of my OB's partners was see her patient that was in the bay on the other side of me and so my nurse grabbed her to help. She couldn't hear with the doppler they had so she had OB bring over their ultrasound machine. It was by far the oldest machine in the hospital so there was no way in hell that we could see what the baby is, but what we did see was a nice beating heart and a baby wiggling all over the place. When I say "we" I mostly mean the doctor and the recovery room nurse because I am blind without my glasses. They said the baby was more awake than I was. I think that is good. I felt tremendously better knowing that they could see that the baby looked okay.

I am doing all right. I feel a little worse today than I did yesterday. I worked like hell to get out of the hospital this morning. I have had no cramping at all and they had nurses from OB come up and check the baby a number of times. Each time it was moving around like mad and they had to chase it to get a count. So that was good. Even though I have been on pain meds the baby isn't lethargic and the heart rate was always around 150. I am plenty sore today. I didn't get much sleep last night at all.

My mom and my husband have both been wonderful. There is a little story there but I won't go into it now. My pain has definitely been there, but it hasn't been as bad as it was before.

Waiting

Yesterday I wanted my surgery to be today so I could get it over with. Today I didn't want to leave work because it meant the next time I came in it would be for surgery. It is weird and scary to see your own name on the surgery schedule. Everyday I see 30-40 names on the schedule, but to see yours... I don't like it. I am still scared. I just want the baby to be okay. I don't have another ultrasound scheduled until April 10 and that sucks! I really wish that after I wake up and am able to remember things we could just have a little ultrasound in my hospital room. Just a little peak to make sure the baby looks good. That isn't going to happen, but they will check heart tones periodically. I still wish it wasn't me. Today I feel really good too. My head keeps thinking "well, maybe I am better now." Well, the first "attack" lasted about 10 days. The second one seems to be over but lasted a little longer. I know that there would be another if I don't do this. I know it, but... I also know that next time it could be worse and it is safer to do it now when there is still more room to do the surgery. I'm still scared.

I feel awful being off work too. My friend is still off and will be for several more weeks because of her hysterectomy. Then last weekend another coworker's daughter was in a very, very serious accident. She was flown to Denver and is still in the ICU there. We don't have any idea when she will be back. I just feel bad because I will be off for at least two weeks. I am one of the people that always helps pick up the slack and now I feel like I am making worse. I know I have to think about my health and the baby's, but I still feel bad. The sad thing is that there are so many people that I work with that don't give a shit. Most of those are people that are new. They don't care about our department, they only care about them. I just can't believe some of these people. They come to work with us and then do nothing but bitch about how we do things. Then "we" have to bend over backwards to try and come up with solutions that make "everyone" happy. Some one felt the need to rock the boat, maybe three - four years ago, and people are STILL mad about that. I am getting so that I don't even want to go back to my job. That isn't an option and probably won't ever be. I'm the one that pays all the bills.

I need to finish all the chores that I don't know when I will feel up to doing after surgery. Sadly, there are a lot!

Dr appt 17w1d

I had an OB appointment this morning. I didn't remember to get half the stuff I wanted to get done done. I couldn't seem to do anything but cry. I started crying while the nurse was taking my blood pressure and I pretty much didn't stop until I left the exam room. Then I started again in the car. My official weight loss is 14.2 pounds. I actually thought with all the salt I ate last night that I might have maintained the same weight as my last visit. I was wrong. No one gave me a hard time about it. Everyone was very nice and very reassuring. I still cried and told them how scared I am. My doctor told me he is on call this weekend and will be available if I need anything at all. He told me he would check on me after office on Friday. That is very nice but I am still scared. He said his wife had her gallbladder out last year and is doing great. I told him I remember because I was there. He said one of his partners had her gallbladder out last week and she is back doing so office work. Yeah, I was there last week too. Neither one of them was pregnant.

I do seem to have figured out a way to build myself a nest and sleep pretty well at night. There are a couple of problems with it though. It requires three pillows all of which are king sized and when my body pillow gets here that will be even bigger. The other related problem is that my husband thinks I am infringing on his side of the bed. It works great while he is gone (I have been using his pillow, but don't tell him) Now he will take off from work until at least Sunday so he can be with me for my surgery. Maybe he will have to sleep in his chair for a couple of nights if he thinks that I am taking up too much of a king sized bed. I really don't think I am going past the half way point but that is too close for him!

I don't want to go to work today. The OR schedule is horrendous and I am thinking there may still be more than one room going at 1930 which is when we go down to only having the call crew available. Maybe, hopefully, I will be wrong.

Realizations

It occurred to me Friday night when I was trying to find a few new things to wear that I look pregnant. My breasts got larger and then have returned to normal size with my weight loss. That was somewhat of a relief because they don't feel like someone is trying to over inflate them now. What I really noticed was that my chubby belly looks different. It is still chubby but I can tell there is something else going on there.

When I FINALLY got my ass moving on Saturday, I was trying to figure out what to wear. I didn't have much for clean pants because I didn't have the laundry done yet. I stood and looked into my drawer like it was going to magically make pants appear. I decided I would try on some jeans that were too tight to wear when I got pregnant. I'll be darned if the damn things didn't fit. That is pathetic, but at least I have some pants to wear. I won't be able to wear them too terribly long, but I can this week at least. I tried ordering some at OldNavy but they were our of my size. I will have to try again.

I also realized that I had a lot to do on Saturday and if I didn't want to see my MIL and SIL I didn't have to. That actually felt good. I had to go to four different stores and get gas before my shopping was done. I worked on some laundry and took a little rest. I dragged my but up and got myself cooking. I let my guilt get the better of me and I decided to make a chocolate cake for my friend. I usually make round cakes but I was worried that there wouldn't be enough time for the cake to cool and get frosted so I made cupcakes instead. That worked out well. Then I gave some to another friend as well. It sprinkled or rained most of Saturday afternoon so I didn't get anything else done outside. The food was well received. I was worried about my friend's husband because he is kind of picky.

Sunday was beautiful too. I had a rough night and the darn time change was hard for me but I did make it to church. I came home and slept in The Throne, I mean the new chair, for a couple of hours before I did anything else. When I got up I did go out and finish trimming the roses and I cleaned out the smallest and easiest of the flower beds. I was exhausted after that though. We had to go over to Mike's parents' for dinner and that sucked. I ate too much and got sick. I had terrible pain. I haven't been eating that much at once and not meat, potatoes, gravy, and biscuits when I do eat. That made it hard for me to sleep last night. I am working so hard to try to sleep on my side but my left arm keeps going to sleep at the shoulder. I don't know what I should do differently. I forgot to ask the orthopod that I worked with today what he recommended I do. Does anyone else have that problem?

Today it is almost 80 degrees outside. I should be out there working on another flower bed, but I am just too tired. I had to run several errands after work and that did me in.

Beautiful day

It is a beautiful day so far. My husband's "weather station" says it is already 50 degrees and it is only 9am. It is overcast but the sun is trying to peek through the clouds. There is only a slight breeze, which is almost unheard of. I walked around my yard for about 20 minutes and picked up tree branches and tumble weeds (we always have a lot of both). I have a mountain, literally, of laundry in the basement and the laundry shoot is so full nothing else will go in it. I did already do the dishes. The problem, I just want to play. I don't want to trim the roses or grape vines or clean out the flower beds out front. I REALLY don't want to do laundry. I don't want to go to the grocery store or freaking wal mart.

I don't know what exactly I want to do but it isn't anything on my list. We don't have a lot of nice days in these parts. I made a commitment to my friend that I would cook for her today, though and that is what I will have to do. This is the friend that had a hysterectomy a little over a week ago. Today was the first opening on their dinner schedule. I can't back out. The chicken is already thawed anyway. I am going to make chicken breasts stuffed with a spinach, ricotta, and Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese and then wrapped in prosciutto. I think I will roast some asparagus and I am going to make her this focaccia that she loves. Another coworker is going to make a lettuce salad and a fruit salad. I am feeling guilty because I don't want to make anything chocolate or any other kind of dessert, but that is what I am known for. People expect it. Well it won't be elaborate if I succumb to my guilt (it usually is, you see).

I suppose, if I at least do some of the things I need to, I will get some time outside. We can't ever take the weather for granted, because tomorrow might be horribly windy or cold. The wind might get worse this afternoon so I better get off my ass and stop procrastinating

I went to the last possible store in town where I could possibly find a body pillow. I struck out darn it. I am going to have to order one online and that just kills me that I will have to pay for shipping. My SIL could have run by 3B for me before she came up, but her car is too small/she has too much crap to fit it in. Oh well, at least I have the ability to get the darn thing.



I did manage to buy a few new clothes though. They have nothing in maternity clothes so I just bought some fatter clothes. The pants are kind of funny, but they should work for awhile at least and they were cheap because they were on sale. I got a pair of pants and a pair of carpi's and they were each less than $19. I got some new pj's for the hospital, and I got three shirts that should last awhile at least. They were having a coupon sale and I thought I did darn good. I got all that plus a fiesta bowl to replace one that cracked in the dishwasher for less than $140. There was a shirt that I did really like but I would never wear it if I weren't pregnant. It wasn't on sale and it was $50 so I didn't buy it. I will have to watch for it to go on sale. It was so nice to see some color!



Mike and I walked around earlier in our yard and looked at all the things we need to do. Yikes!! Actually we went out there to see how much grass is sprouting and we were surprised. There was a lot more green than I expected. We also had to laugh because our pug, Sparky, poops only around the trees. I supposed it makes it easier to clean up after him, but it is funny to see a ring of dog crap around a tree. It makes the tree look diseased or something. I always joke about how our trees all drop something.

My cousin sent out an email to our family members. She told us her third child is a girl. This makes her second daughter. I like to pretend she isn't having another baby (I believe her mother feels the same way). I am very upset about this and I know I shouldn't be. She and her crappy husband live with my aunt and uncle. They are horrible parents. They are the people that make me furious that they keep having kids when there are other people out there who desperately want children and can't have them. People who would adore there children not dump them on their parents. People who would nurture and stimulate their children, not just park them in front of a television and either ignore them or scream at them. It just isn't fair. My aunt and uncle shouldn't have to try to pick up their slack either. Who am I to judge, but it just pisses me off.

Random thoughts

I love game shows. I have always wanted to be on a game show. I'm not sure which one. There was a time when I might have had a chance on Jeopardy probably only the teen and that was mostly in my head. Some of the other games look like more fun. Like there is hope they can really win something. I love Deal, but I read they pick the contestants by casting calls. That doesn't seem very fair. I think I could do pretty well facing the Mob but I am conservative when it comes to risk taking. That is the same with Deal. But there are the long time shows I still watch once in a great while. Price is Right, too many other people. Probably the one I would do the very best on is good ol' Wheel. I don't know why, but I have always dreamed of being on a game show.

Today was the complete opposite of last Friday at work. I still had the same crappy late shift, but we all left before 1600. The regular shifts were mostly gone by 1230. There was only one doctor operating when I got there at 1100 and there were only 3 cases. It was certainly less stressful than last Friday.

I called to change my OB appointment for next week since it is scheduled during my surgery time. The scheduling lady freaked out. She said she didn't think I could do that. She freaked out even more when I explained why I couldn't make it. "A nurse will have to take care of this." That was fine. One of the nurses that I know very well called me later and worked me in earlier next week so they can see me before the surgery. They said they will probably want to see me again after surgery just to be safe. Hopefully, we will schedule our next ultrasound at this appointment. They told me that at my last appointment, but if it isn't in their plan I will have to have a freak out of my own and get an ultrasound for after surgery. The sad thing is, it probably won't take much for me to have a meltdown.

I'm not sure if I have felt the baby move yet. My whole abdomen is so pissed off right now I'm not sure what I can trust anything to be what I think it is. I have felt a few things I would call flickers in the last couple of days. I can definitely feel things stretching and pulling. I still have a fair amount of cramping and I don't like that. I just don't know what the hell is going on in there. I wish I could feel the baby moving more. I think that might make me feel a little better after surgery. My whole belly will be pissed off then too. I may not be certain what I feel is the baby until I get a big old kick. Wait see I guess.

Mike's appointment went okay. His blood pressure was much lower (much lower than usual) when he went in so they said he didn't need any medication. They gave him some instructions for his nose and some medicine, but didn't really DO anything. They drew blood and they said his blood sugar would have to be much higher before they, basically, gave a crap. Great. I couldn't reach Mike before his appointment or I would have gone with him. I was in the position with work that I could have left. He needed a pushy wife there with him. He doesn't always share all the info, ask the right questions, or HEAR what they are telling him. I don't blame him. It is hard to get everything you need in what seems like a split second visit. I know sometimes I forget something, but then I call. I usually go in with a written list.

I have only talked to my family about everything that is going on. My family has a better grasp of medical stuff than Mike's. I am now avoiding them. Mike talked to his mother yesterday and she flipped. According to him, she didn't seem to care much about me and how sick I am, just about what is going to happen to her grandchild. My SIL is coming today or tomorrow and will be here until Wednesday, I think. I think I will stick with the avoidance. I just don't feel like going over it again. I mean I state the facts and the plan and they just don't have a clue. To top it off, the surgeon that I do truly trust my life with, they don't like very much. He had to tell them that my FIL had severe colon cancer a few years back and now they don't like him. I know he explained everything to them, but what he said and what they heard weren't exactly the same thing. There is nothing I can do about that, I just know this is the right doctor. They had the best surgeon we have. I don't doubt that he is better than many other surgeons. That should make me feel better right? I will keep telling my self that.

Scheduled

I got up this morning and there was no hot water. I cried. Anyway, I saw the surgeon and he said the gallbladder needs to come out. He said the ultrasound didn't give a very definitive diagnosis, but it wasn't normal and that isn't good. He said my OB has talked to him twice in the past two days about me. He said my risk of going into preterm labor is higher if we leave the gallbladder in there and it gets worse than taking it out. He said they will give me medications to prevent labor before and after surgery. He said that I will go to the post surgical floor unless I have any problems with baby and then he will do whatever my OB says. I'm scared. I keep crying. My boss was pretty nice. I think my mom is eating this up because she is needed. She said something horrible though when I told her I was scared. She said "whatever is meant to happen will happen." I didn't like that. He said my hernia is small and we won't touch it until I am done having kids and even then it may not need to be fixed. I'm still scared. Next Friday morning.

More fun

I had to be on call last night and I really didn't want to. I didn't have to work much but when they did call me back in it was during another nose bleed for Mike. This is the third major nose bleed in a week. I was able to convince him that he needs to go see his doctor. His blood pressure is on the high side when ever he gets it taken at the doctor's office. When we have taken it at home it is usually a little lower but I think he needs to be considered for some medications. "They" (maybe the AHA) keep recommending lower numbers at what we should consider as "high" blood pressure. Mike agreed to go in and seems to understand that the bleeding "may" not be related to his blood pressure, but that the higher pressure "may" make some other problem worse. He seems to understand that he "may" have to see more than one doctor to fix this problem. We will see what he has done. He called me at 0545 this morning so it was before he could make a doctor appointment. I have found that he is a very captive audience in the middle of a nose bleed. I can gently converse with him and he can't get away.

I visited with my personal anesthetist yesterday about the different risks of anesthesia and pregnancy. She said the major risk I have at this is preterm labor. She said the risks drastically decrease for the baby when you move out of the first trimester. She said they will make slightly different medication choices before, during, and after surgery. She said the baby's heart rate will probably be dropped after surgery because they will still give me pain medications during and after but it won't be abnormal. She said they will keep a very tight window on my vitals during surgery so my body will have the same profusion to my uterus and the baby when not under anesthesia. I won't be give any sedation, which I refused on my last two surgeries, but I wasn't scared to death for those. I didn't have to go to sleep and I wasn't pregnant. She also told me that they very rarely see preterm labor after surgery and it is usually when we do an appendectomy, not a gallbladder. I'm still scared.

So... I see the surgeon tomorrow. I saw my OB today at work and he asked when my surgery was scheduled. I told him it wasn't, as of yet! We will see. This bitch, I mean a coworker was discussing how miserable people can be after they get their gallbladder out to day at work. She was pointing out problems people have that they aren't told about. I'm not sure if she realizes how miserable the person was before. She didn't see them then. Doesn't matter she knows everything. I still have lots of questions for the surgeon tomorrow. I really want to know where I will go. Routine gallbladders spend the night at our hospital. There is nothing routine about me ever. I am wanting to know which nursing unit he will send me to the regular post surgical or OB. The regular post surgical takes care of tons of gallbladder patients and knows their pain. They don't do much with pregnant women and wouldn't be able to do more than stick a doppler on my belly and listen to fetal heart tones. The OB unit would be all over watching the baby and looking for preterm labor, but might not handle the post op pain and so forth as well. If left up to me I will go to OB. We will see what he says. The two units are just different worlds. Neither one is wrong they are just used not as used to taking care of patients that fall in a grey area as to where they should go.

I do believe my body has me convinced that this gallbladder needs to come out. I could hardly breathe last night as I was trying to take care of a patient. Last night was probably the worst of the pain and pressure I have had. I have just felt sick all day today. I'm pretty sure that Cadbury MiniEggs aren't the only thing I am supposed to consume in a day's time. A couple here and there does start to add up calorically though.

Not my favorite day

After work today I went in search of a body pillow. I went to wally world and Target but no luck. I didn't go to the department store but I was too tired. I will have to try there tomorrow. Otherwise I may have to order one. I don't think I will be going out of town any time soon. I try to go to sleep on my left side. I have been trying since shortly after I knew I was pregnant. I knew it would take some work to change how I sleep. It doesn't last right now. I wake up in pain because I have rolled on to my stomach. Then the next time I wake up I have rolled onto my right side because that way I have turned away from the snoring. I have to figure something out because my back is killing me.

I ran into my OB this morning in our doctor's lounge when I was in search of the doctor I was working with today. He asked ME what the results were of my ultrasound. I almost told him that the bitch that did the study didn't tell me. Instead I said "the not very nice lady." He told me to call his office after it opened which was already my plan. I called and they had to get back to me of course. That drives me nuts. The damn thing was done Friday, if I wouldn't get fired I could pull the results up myself in the computer in about 30 seconds. So a couple of hours later the doctor himself called me back. I was surprised, but he is really nice. He told me the report said there was sludge and they couldn't rule out small stones, but the walls were okay. (sometimes they have huge stones and sometimes they are just filled with this sandy tar-like stuff. Both aren't good). He told me he wanted me to see a surgeon and he would get the report sent over to their office. I told him which surgeon I would see and he got all panicky because he said he thought that doctor was off all week. Well he happened to be operating at that moment so I told my doctor that. My OB is so funny. He told me to hang up and go talk to him right away!!! I did. Lucky he isn't going to be gone all week, just the next two days. He just wanted me to schedule myself for Friday and then I panicked a little. "SHOULDN'T YOU READ THE REPORT FIRST???" Well, yes. He told me to call the office and get myself "fit in" on Thursday afternoon. I did. I thought I had better go talk to my boss pretty quick then because this conversation took place in front of about 6 of my coworkers during a surgery.

The boss took it better than I thought. She asked if I could wait two weeks at first and then she said I needed to do whatever the doctor said. Some days she is very pleasant and then others... Well I was glad to get the pleasant.

I called my husband to tell him what was going on. He told me that all the other people that went through his engineer class have been setup as engineers and sent up to Wyoming to work. Mike still has a month to go before he gets all his trips in (long story). This is good and bad news. They told him before he started that it might take as long as two years before he would be working as an engineer, so it is good news that he will probably be working as an engineer right away. The bad news is that he will have to go up to Wyoming and run the next leg for "awhile." Not great while his wife is pregnant. He said there is a class behind him though with ten people for that leg and they have only sent seven people up. So that would make you think there is a definite end in site. I don't know. The fact the he won't be finished for another month is in his favor and then he has two weeks to work and then two weeks of vacation. We will have to wait and see. I am not to worried about it. Mike is, but we will make it work. As long as he is home by early July I can do this. It might be better. He won't have to suffer with me! We will wait and see.

Where did that four day weekend go? It doesn't feel like I had any extra time off right now. I am exhausted. Friday was a horrible day. I had to get up early to go to a meeting at work which just felt like another bitch fest. I hate it when we have meetings. I always leave feeling like life is worse than when I went in. I went home for about an hour and then I went back to the hospital to have an ultrasound of my gallbladder. That was not pleasant. I went in before my appointment and then had to wait for ever to get help in the admitting area. The ONE lady at the desk was helping a little old couple try to figure out how to get to a doctor's office in another building. It was ten minutes before I even got to talk to anyone and then we had to get some of my personal information fixed that I gave them correctly the day before. How frustrating!

Then I went to radiology and had to sit and wait. When the lady finally came to get me she chewed me out for being late. I had this same lady about a year and half ago and she was a bitch that day too. This time she at least told me her name. I won't forget it. She said she even called up to my work trying to find me. If she was looking so hard for me why did I have to wait 20 minutes for her??? Anyway the ultrasound was awful. My muscles are so sore from coughing and vomiting and then it feels like they are carving into with that probe. After ten minutes of my whimpering she asked if she was hurting me. Duh?? She had a student there learning and she was talking to him but not me. Well she did talk to me. Roll on your back. Lay on your left side. Hold your breath. Oh, you can breathe now. Hold your breath. I don't know how many times I heard that. Then it was sit up fast and hold your breath. It was awful. I can't believe this woman has a job there. Of course we couldn't take a peek at the baby. She didn't tell me what she saw. Well, she did say there weren't any stones. She talked to the student about seeing sludge which isn't great. They kept talking about other patients they had put through the same torture this week so I wasn't sure what the hell was up with me from their conversation.

The sad thing was that my OB office does the same ultrasound, but they couldn't get me in until 1030. I had to be NPO for the study and my dr didn't want me to go that long. I wasn't too worried about that, I was concerned because my actual shift started at 1100. The problem is that I am having trouble eating again. It is a little different that before because overall I am doing better. I don't have the all-day-sickness, I just feel horrible again now when I eat. I have terrible epigastric pain again after I eat. I feel sick for several hours (sometimes up to 6) and then it gets better again until I eat. What fricking fun! I started having some pain last weekend but it just kept getting worse through the week. Yesterday, though, it wasn't too bad. I don't know. I was supposed to call the dr's office Friday afternoon for the results but that didn't end up working out.

So I was tied up for awhile Friday and didn't get to call and see what I need to do or not do. I am not really excited about the idea of having surgery while pregnant. It scares me. I know that we do it. Gallbladders and kidney stones are the two most common surgeries we do during pregnancy. That doesn't mean I want to have it done, but I can't go on feeling like this if it can be fixed. Besides, gallbladders can be horrible little things. They can start rotting in there if you don't take them out when it tells you it is time. People can get sooo sick from them. I know who I will have do it if it has to happen and I am comfortable with that surgeon. We take out so many gallbladders it is hard to believe there are many people that still have them. I have never before heard a peep out of mine if that is in fact what is the problem now. The other thing they mentioned was having ulcers. I thought they gave you a lot of trouble when your stomach was empty. I don't know. I don't care. I don't want to have to do anything I just want to be better.

Today is beautiful and I have taken advantage of that by working outside all morning. Our yard is a freaking pain in the ass. There are so many things that need to be done before spring hits every year. I know I need to get everything I can get done finished while I can. I wore myself out though. There was a point that I should have stopped, but I didn't and now I am exhausted. I should have listened to my body. I just wanted to get more done while the weather is cooperating and I actually have some time. Oh well. I just hope I can get some of the things done in the house that I needed to do today. At the moment I sure don't feel like it, nor do I feel like going back to work tomorrow!