One of Them

I went shopping yesterday and I enjoyed it. Well, yes and no. The shopping part I hated. My husband wouldn't go so I had to push the heavy cart and that always makes me cramp. The spending money part, I didn't like that either. We did get a new floor for the bathroom bought so it is a little bit closer to being finished. The part I did like was that I got to be one of them.

Even though I haven't been trying to get pregnant for years and years I have still had pregnancy envy. Just because I didn't think it was time yet for me to be a mom didn't mean I still didn't ache to be a mommy. It has always seems to start for me in the spring and peak in the summer when, at least to me, it seems like there are pregnant women out everywhere. It is true that there are more outdoor activities so maybe that is why, but it just seems like every time I would turn around there would be another pregnant belly that wasn't mine. Last year was the hardest since I was trying to get pregnant. I also think, for me it comes in play with my birthday. Unintentionally, I measure my life around my birthday and what I don't have blares out at me. Last year I remember leaving one event in tears because I just couldn't take it anymore.

So here I am this year. I get to be one of them. This illustrious club that I have yearned to join for years! I was proud yesterday to be out in my brand new maternity pants that were finally the right size (even though they were still a little big). I still don't have to wear the maternity shirts but I have been because it is exciting. My shirts still work but they do seem to be a bit shorter than before. So I was out even though I have been avoiding the public because of my face. Being proud of my belly actually seemed to out weigh my other issues yesterday and that was good.

I haven't noticed my face getting any better at all. As a matter of fact, my eye is getting harder to blink. There doesn't really seem to be anything I can do that makes it feel better either. I have tried taping it shut and that doesn't seem to help.

I snapped at my MIL last night and hurt her feelings. Overall she is a very nice woman, but she doesn't have much understanding about others. I meant to get some strips for my nose yesterday and I forgot. Since the snoring strips function to lift open the airway from the outside I thought they may help me since the left side of my nose is collapsed on the inside. I was trying to explain this and she just didn't get it. She just kept trying to tell me what I should do and would not listen. She kept telling me I just needed to wash out my sinuses and then I could would be able to breathe better. I kept trying to explain to her that wasn't the problem and she carried on for five minutes about washing out my sinuses. I have had sinus surgery because of sinus infections, I have had allergies my entire life, I know how to wash out my sinuses (which by the way she was telling me how to do it wrong) and I snapped. MY SINUSES AREN'T THE PROBLEM IT IS MY NOSE and I got up and left the table. She said "well, all you had to do was tell me!" For Pete's sake that is what I had been doing. She is so dense. The rest of the evening was just great. My husband did step up. He knows his mother is like that. He did feel bad later because he said he wished he had just gotten up and said we were leaving. He knows how difficult this is for me and he knows how his parents are. I made it very clear to him before we accepted their dinner invitation that I wouldn't tolerate much about my face because it is so difficult for me. I don't like trying to eat in front of other people and eating is physically exhausting because it takes me so much work. Oh well. My MIL thinks I am a bitch while pregnant so I guess I can just keep up that reputation. She just seems to require so much patience for anyone to deal with and when I am not pregnant I am usually trying to help my husband calm down not the other way around. Sadly, she is worse than a child.