I plead insanity!

I believe I have finally gone completely insane. My husband didn't go to work on Saturday or Sunday. He actually didn't go to work until this afternoon. Did he, or rather, did "we" spend Sunday working on the nursery? Well... not really. He managed to get up out of the chair and into the baby's room for an hour maybe an hour and a half total. He did have time to go hang out with his friend that is really pissing my off. He had to just drop something off at his house and be right back. That took two hours. I was fuming by the time he got home. Monday, he did manage to do quite a bit of work and he did finally come to the belief that we can't keep the computer in the baby's room. I had to nudge him just a little bit more, but he mostly had decided that on his own. Yesterday... well... He literally did nothing for the entire day.

We have communication issues. I try to talk to him about what is bothering me or what my problems are and it generally doesn't go well. I try to talk. He gets louder and louder. I cry. He yells and stomps out. Then I cry some more. Some time passes and we try to come to some sort of understanding in a quieter way.

I am tired. My weekend sucked. It was in the upper nineties Sunday and Monday and it didn't cool down much at night. It was also really humid, or way worse than we are used to. I haven't slept well at all. I am so frustrated with my body. I am tired of my face hurting and not getting better. It is all I can do to go back to work each day. Then add in my frustration with my husband. The weather was finally better last night and I got myself off to bed about 940. That is earlier than usual, but my body is really wanting 10-12 hours of sleep right now. That would mean I should be in bed by no later than 7pm and that just isn't going to happen. So I got in bed and out of frustration I cried. My husband never comes to bed with me. That is something I whine about actually. He came to bed not fifteen minutes after I got there so I was still crying. I wasn't sobbing I was just quietly crying, but he figured it out pretty quickly. He wanted to know what was wrong. I said I didn't want to fight and that I was just frustrated with everything right now and I just needed to cry. He wouldn't let me be and said he wouldn't get mad and he wouldn't yell and how could he help if I wouldn't tell him. I told him I really just wanted to go to sleep. He wouldn't let it go and so I selected my words very carefully. I am not trying to be mean. I may be mad, but I'm not going to say mean or hurtful things. It didn't matter. He yelled, he threatened to quit his job and stomped off. He went into the basement and threw a bunch of stuff around. I went to see what he was doing and he said he was getting off his ass and getting some work done. So I cried some more and he yelled at me for crying. I went back to bed, but didn't sleep. I was actually on call last night and for once I just kept hoping the phone would ring and I could get out of the house. It never did. He came to bed after an hour maybe. I still didn't sleep. I don't know if I even got three hours of sleep. I am so tired. He was still sleeping when I left so I didn't get to talk to him and he left before I got home so I didn't get to talk to him. I feel bad. I have broken blood vessels under both of my eyes and on the sides of my nose by my eyes from crying so hard. I didn't know until someone at work asked what the hell happened to me.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I just feel broken on the inside and out. At least it is cooler and cloudy today and not humid for now. I don't go to work until 1100 tomorrow and I am hoping to finally get some sleep tonight. I just hope the dogs will be forgiving for just one morning and let me sleep. They have to be able to tell how thin and tight the thread that is holding me together right now is.