Drama queen

I am exhausted. I worked almost thirteen hours today and am waiting for a call to go back to work right now. They let us go knowing there was an ambulance on the way to get a patient from another hospital with an open fracture. An open fracture means a trip to the OR to at the very least get it washed out. The supervisor let us go so we could at least get something to eat since they close the hospital cafeteria at 2pm on weekends so there is no food available to us. We will see what happens. I am just so tired already.

This week has been another tear filled week. There have been a lot of things going on with my husband's job and so far he has been getting jerked around a lot. That scares me. I can't remember when he worked last, but it hasn't been his doing. They keep moving him around and he is worried. He knows they are sending some people up to Wyoming work from the engineer board and doesn't think it will be him right now. Better now than in a month!!! And he doesn't know how long those people who go will be gone. Great! This is why I have wanted him to get the baby's room done, now, when he has the opportunity. I warned him that he never knew how long he had.

I also have been a big baby because I have felt neglected. He has been home all day and then thinks he needs to go somewhere in the evening because he is sick of being home. Well, I was at work all day and want to be home with my husband in the evening. I'm not invited when he goes to fuck off with his friend I don't like very much. Then he says he is going to stay home for the evening and he does, but he spent the whole night sitting outside smoking and talking to his friend or his dad. That doesn't count. I don't think sitting in front of the TV and eating dinner at the same time counts either. I want some undivided attention. I want to work on the nursery together or just sit and talk without the stupid TV on. One on one time. So the night he spent on the phone I went to bed and was there quite some time before he noticed I shut off all the lights in the house. He came in and found me crying. I was crying about everything, all my worries and fears in addition to my frustration with him. I did not to get in a fight again. This time he was nice and sat and talked to me for awhile. We talked about names and cut the list from four to two and actually leaned towards one.

Then the next day he had a melt down. He is really worried about his job too. He is worried about getting sent away from me. He doesn't want to leave me alone. I don't want that either, but I know we can do it. He thinks he should quit his job and then I may have threatened to kill him or something. No, I didn't but he likes to bring up whenever we disagree about his going to work that he said at the beginning that if this job causes a problem between us he will quit. It isn't the job creating the problem, it is his not going to work that causes a problem. So any he is really worried about what will happen and all we can do is sit and wait. In the meantime they are shifting him around and he can't work when he wants to.

The good news is that we were able to have another nice discussion and Tiger has an actual name now. Apparently I am supposed to stop calling him "Tiger" also. I don't think we are going to tell anyone yet. We haven't decided if we are going to wait until he is born or just until we decided it is the right time. My mom will be a total bitch about whatever name we pick no matter what. Mike suggested I announce it at a shower where both our mothers would be there at the same time so one doesn't know before the other. Good idea, but I'm still not sure I want to tell my mother until the ink is on his birth certificate. Plus, I'm not entirely sure I want our mothers at my shower. I probably will, but... can't I live without them? Actually his mom has "pulled her head out of her ass" (those are my husband's words) and is being much nicer to me. She is making an effort to be nice. Well, that is good.

Oh yeah, Tiger's name is Jacob Wayne. I still don't like Wayne but I can only imagine if I had to make my husband decide on two names and not just one. Too bad we couldn't have used a different family name...