Frustration

I am a basket case today. Well, maybe I am more than just today, but today is worse. I am freaking out about what we don't have done and my husband's lack of ambition. I know he is still very stressed right now about his job and I am trying to just give him a little more time and space but I think I am about to go crazy and cause him physical harm. Instead of that I have been washing walls and scrubbing things. He keeps finding me cleaning something different and he tells me I need to take it easy because I am almost seven and half months pregnant. I am trying so hard not to get start a fight with him because I know he is so on edge, but SOMEONE has to do something around here.

He isn't getting anything done. At least nothing that is important to me. Except that I went in and woke him up at 930 this morning to come kill a wasp in the living room. You would have thought I had asked him to build me a pyramid. He told me to just stay away from it and he would take care of it when he woke up. I am severely allergic to these things. Apparently we have a nest right outside our front door. One flew in the screen he has neglected to fix. I guess he decided that my safety was more important than his sleep because he did get up with in a few minutes and come take care of it. In addition to that he "cleaned" the garage. I only saw him take things out and then put them back in a different messy manner. Whatever. Then he went to "coffee" with his dad.

He is extremely frustrated with how the railroad is handling some staffing right now. I guess some people newer than him have been set up as engineers. They were put in regular pool positions. When he was set up as an engineer he tried to get put in a pool position and he was told that there was no way in hell that was going to happen. So now he is mad. He thinks he should punish them and not go to work. HELLO!!! Last Saturday he came home from work about 1600 and he has only worked one time since then and it wasn't because of the railroad. He doesn't work, he doesn't get paid. Makes sense right? Pregnant wife, bills to pay, essentially nothing bought for baby. He came to me and said that "WE" need to get the baby's room cleaned out. Well, part of "we" has done everything she can. Now he thinks he should get to stay home from work tonight and "we" clean out the room tomorrow.

I just want to scream at him, but I don't. Instead I wash or scrub something. I want to shake him until I jar some sense into his head. Instead I scrub something else. Right now every issue I have with my husband is magnified. All the flaws that I try to accept are screaming out at me. He told me his plan for tomorrow and I started crying out of frustration. Just a couple of tears running down my cheeks and now I am the bad guy. I didn't stomp and yell and tell him he needs to grow up, like I wanted to. So he gets mad at me and throws a little fit and stomps off to the bedroom to go to bed because he is going to have to go to work.

I am just having a harder time dealing with these things right now. All my emotions just seem intensified. It makes me tired!!! I had to vent. But I'm not running short on things to scrub so here I go...