Happy Father's Day

My husband had to work and I won't get to see him at all today. I bought him a nice card though and got him a dad gift - tools. I got him a new miter box with a hand saw that goes with it. He will like it. He had a crappy little plastic miter box that he was extremely frustrated with when he was trying to do several things for the bathroom. He said then that he would really like a better one. I tucked that into my memory and had my FIL help me pick it out.

I have spent the day trying not to freak out. I definitely keep having anxiety. I really wish we could afford for me to quite my job and then at least 3/4 of what I am stressing about would be gone. Of course I would find something else to worry just as much about, I'm sure. That is just my personality. I still wish I could quite though. I'm more and more worried about physically being able to do my job. I really can't take a minute and take it easy very often. Generally only twice a day, if that. Someone has to physically relieve us to get a break and if there isn't someone to do that in the morning we don't get that. So some days all you can count on is 30 minutes for lunch. I know that at some point my doctor is going to say I have to cut back and that scares me. I worry that it won't happen soon enough and I worry about the financial aspect of having my hours cut. Not to mention my boss holding it over me. The funny this there are some people that are allowed, no expected, to have problems and "we" make allowances for them, but the rest of us... Well good luck, because you get treated like shit. My charge had to be off most of last week because she was seriously ill. She is seriously ill at least every six months. It almost always involves hospitalization. That means the rest of us have to cover right. Well we do and it isn't that big of a deal, but if I am sick, say I need my gallbladder out, I am asked to put it off for two weeks. I still can't believe I waited one week. I was stupid. Anyway, if I had to be hospitalized every six months my boss manage to push me into another job, probably not in her department. Hmm...

So I have gone back to scrubbing today. And a few other things I probably shouldn't have done. I am just mad that I can't get into the garage. I would have finished what I wanted to do if I had. I know what I was doing was stupid for two reasons. One, hello, baby in there. Two, it really isn't smart for me to be standing on even a step ladder in the bathtub when no one else is home (without being pregnant). Awhile ago I bought some supplies to take care of some things in the bathroom that have been bothering me. Are all the things I bought in the garage I can't get into? All but one. I bought some filler stuff to cover up a joint and the nail holes left behind when Mike put in the base boards. I painted the one base board Mike had to replace. I also did all the touching up with that same color I could with the exception of the darned ceiling in the shower. I bought some sanding blocks and tried to smooth these spots in the ceiling that he decided are "good enough" but I'm not good enough to get it done without the electric sander. When ever I sit down on the toilet I would always look down at the base board that wasn't painted and it would irritate me so then I would look up at the ceiling and I could see how bad the plaster was from there. At least now I can look at one of the places and be pleased. These are things that bother me and he doesn't care. I don't know how long it will take him to even notice what I did. He might notice the ceiling before I can get it finished but I doubt it. Now I just have to figure out how I can get the sander out of the garage since he took my key away when his "broke." These are the things that keep me up at night. What kind of mother am I going to be??? That is now always at the back of my mind.

I feel a little bad that I didn't go have dinner at my in laws tonight. I do love my FIL dearly, but I don't think I could handle eatting there just the three of us right now. I know I have done it many times in the past, but I don't think I dare be around my MIL right now without my husband. Somehow I feel like I need another witness. I do feel bad that he didn't have anyone to spend Father's Day with him though. At least my MIL had to work today so he got some peace and quiet!