Tired

I am not quite as tired as I was a few weeks ago, but I still take a nap just about everyday. The nurse at the OB office told me I needed to get out walking everyday. When? I get home from work, take a nap, eat dinner by now it is dark and the Y is packed. Watch TV for an hour or so and go to bed. I am hoping with the second trimester I will be feeling better and have more (any?) energy.

I have been miserable too. I feel sick all the time. Today was the first day I wasn't able to get both of the dogs out for their morning business before getting sick. Thank goodness it was 0530 on a Saturday and it was snowing when I was out with Molly because I had no control. A week ago I talked to one of our ENTs because I am getting so hoarse. I blend in because everyone else is sick. But mine is from vomiting. He said a combination of the acid and, as the DOCTOR put it, the "chunding" and how I strain my vocal cords then. He told me to start taking prilosec to help raise the pH of my stomach and I have been. But I started getting sicker. I have had terrible GI pain. I get sick twice a day and feel miserable the rest of the day. I am in pain after I eat. Yesterday, I even sought out a General Surgeon and asked if I could vomit my way into a hiatal hernia. He patted my on the head and said no, but if I already had one it might be more irritated. He told me to take two prilosec a day. Well, I have never had anything like this before, but it feels like I have a partial gastric obstruction when I eat. I can only eat a very small amount and then I feel very sick. I have epigastric pain for a long time and then it starts to easy and I am starving. So the cycle goes.

I am very unhappy with my charge nurse right now because she keeps putting me in surgeries requiring x-rays. I am not alone in noticing this either. Before I was pregnant, I might do 2-3 cases a week requiring x-rays. Now it is AT LEAST one a day. Most of them aren't little cases either. It pisses me off. Our OR provides us with front shielding aprons and my job requires I move constantly around the room. The title is "circulator" for pete's sake. We have two small wraparound aprons and I wear one of those in addition to my regular apron. The aprons are very heavy, particularly the wrap and it, of course, adds weight and pressure to my abdomen. So whenever I have to wear one of these (always after lunch) it only adds to my pain.

Yesterday was terrible. I seem to do pretty well with bread so I had a total of five pieces of toast for the day (three plain, but I did get PB on two), 1 apple, two andes mints, 1 small piece of cheese and two crackers, and not as much water as I needed. I felt lucky to manage that. Today has been a different story though. I was able to eat part of an omelet for breakfast. Didn't feel great for awhile, but it wasn't pain, just sick. I pigged out at lunch. I ate almost all of a prime rib sandwich with cheese, onions and mushrooms. Okay, I didn't eat half of the meat and some of the bread but I did get all the mushrooms and cheese. I ate some mini peanut butter cups too later. But I am still scared to eat dinner. I am afraid going into every meal.

Last night when I had to work late since I was oncall, I got to talk to one of the other OB doctors I will see and she said as long as I am keeping something down and fluids, I'm okay. I just don't feel that way. This will get better soon. (I keep saying that). THIS will END with the first trimester. THIS WILL get better. It has to. I am not a strong enough woman for this. What did I get myself into? That is what I keep asking myself as I sit and cry when Mike is gone to work at night. How am I going to do this? I feel like a failure already. Other women do this with out it being a big deal, what the hell is wrong with me??