5 months, 200 posts

My little Jacob is 5 months today and I have been blogged 200 rambly posts! It is starting to seem less like yesterday that we had him. Actually, I can hardly believe he is only 5 months because he feels like he has been a huge part of our life for so long. My poor baby is sick again. Mike took him to the doctor all by himself. Or at least Mike thought that was happening. Our doctor's office is in a building connected to the hospital by walk ways and I was able to get my lunch during the time I managed to get an appointment. I must say, I am really impressed with our doctor. I was before when she was just taking care of me, but now with Jake even more so. She obviously know the trouble we have had so far and wanted to see him about an hour after I finally got to talk to a person in their office. I hate leaving a voice mail at the doctor's office! Anyway, she saw him during her lunch break too. He has a terrible cough. It sounds so junky. We are now the proud owners of our own nebulizer. Jake has two cute little masks that go with it and the little bugger will hold them him self.

I cried for a good half hour today before I came home because I feel so bad about not being able to keep my baby protected from the big bad world. I am having some anger issues again. I can't help but wonder if Jacob had been born a week earlier (a week smaller) would be have had all these lung issues. No one can say that his lungs would be better if he hadn't aspirated the meconium for sure, but they do say he is at higher risk. I just feel so bad for him and I feel guilty like I could have/should have done something different. I love this little man more than I can ever begin to say. I wish I could be sick for him. The crappy thing is that I am now getting it too.