Discouraged

Today has been rough. I am just so tired still from the weekend. I found out that I am supposed to be on call Memorial day as my holiday this year. I didn't know that and I worked it last year. I guess I took it for someone else when I was trying to make extra money. I don't know what I am going to about it yet. Maybe my doctor won't give me an option. I was going to ask him to write me a note that said no call with out another RN assisting until the end of May's schedule and then no call at all after that. Our schedule for May that is out ends on the Sunday before Memorial Day. I feel bad but at the same time I am concerned about my health and my ability to do the job in an emergency situation. I am nearing the end of orienting this new person. I need to visit with my bosses about if she needs to be with me at all on the next schedule or if she is ready to be free. At this point I am certainly more concerned about me than I am her. I think she will be fine, I don't know if I will be able to do everything with out her help at this point in time.

We worked with the ENT doctor again today and she wasn't happy that there is no change in my face. There is a specialist that she trained under that comes every three months and sees patients one day and does surgery the next. He happens to be here right now and had office today (actually in her practice). She got me squeezed into his schedule and I actually saw him outside the OR for once. He tried to be encouraging but in the end he really couldn't be. He got to see me when my eye is not working at its best and now he wants me to wear this horrible little shield as soon as someone can find one for me. The nurse was sick today and I am pretty sure their office has them or someone else in town does. I have seen them on patients before and I know that the doctors there are the ones that make them wear them. They are awful but it keeps the eye moist and protected. I won't wear it all the time even if he thinks I should but I guess I will consider it when my eye is tired like now. He said I have a classic case of Bell's Palsy, but is concerned that I haven't seen any improvement. Then he started talking about nerve studies and percentages of loss, MRIs, CTs and surgery and it all started to be more than I could handle. So I cried and cried. I have to have my hearing tested. He has to look into whether I can get the kind of study I need done here or not. I know I can get some studies done that the ENTs want but I don't know if this test is more special or not. I said I should start to see improvement in 3-5 more weeks and in most people it should be mostly better in 3-6 months. If I weren't pregnant he said he would encourage me to have surgery. They would do a nerve graft and it would be my best chance at having the most complete recovery. This is more than I can handle. I have been crying for about an hour and a half now and my husband doesn't do all that well with crying. He had a bad day himself and now he thinks I need to scrap everything I have done and just go to his chiropractor because he will cure me. If only it were that simple...