Happy Fourth of July!!!

Happy July 4th (at least it was still the 4th when I started this). This has always been one of my favorite holidays. I'm not entirely sure why, but I would say it is probably because it was one of the time all my family would get together at my grandma's house. We would at Easter too and that wasn't such a big deal to me. I don't know but the 4th was almost as big as Christmas and honestly it might be my favorite holiday now. (I tend to get sad at Christmas because I miss those family get-togethers so much).

I happen to live in a state that allows fireworks so things have been nuts around here. I don't know how people can afford to set them off every night but some of the neighbors seem to. That isn't so great when the baby is trying to sleep and at 10pm the people across the street are lighting up the roll of 500 fire crackers! The law is that you are supposed to stop at 10 except for on the 4th when you can go until midnight. That law is hardly enforced. How can they? Mostly the police just try to keep people hurting themselves. So those of us who keep early hours suffer for a week or ten days (I don't remember how early they are allowed).

We usually get fireworks for just the fourth but Mike knew he would have to go to work some time tonight so he got some last night instead. We never go nuts like some people, but we spend our money where it matters. He always does such a good job. The way he arranges them and sets them off really is outstanding. Most years he uses a cigar to light them, but this year he impressed everyone by using his portable blow torch. (you may notice I said his portable blow torch - he does have one that is not easily portable. why?) So it was funny, there were people across the street setting some off from their backyard but they stopped and watched Mike's display and continued with theirs. The people directly across the street came out after a few minutes and sat and watched. It was funny because last night was the only night they didn't have any of their own (dad was at work). I just couldn't help but think that the neighbors should just get together and have a really nice display all at once.

We are still working on getting settled. I hate it and can't wait until the last of the boxes is unpacked. There are two things apparent to me. The first is that we have too much crap and the second is that I just don't have enough time to unpack stuff and spend quality time with Jake. So things are getting slowly unpacked. We are very happy that we are down to just one place as of the first of the month. We were still cleaning and having to take care of the yard there so now we can focus all of our attention here.

Jake took two really good naps today so I was able to get some work done. I finally have only one box in my kitchen that is full and it isn't going to be unpacked for awhile. We still have some kitchen boxes in the basement but things are looking much, much better. I took a load of collapsed boxes out to the trash in the alley and there was a party going on at the neighbors. I was walking back to my yard and someone yelled my name. It turns out the "dumba**es that are putting their fence up wrong" (according to Mike) across the alley are family of one of my friend's/coworkers. Her stepson, his wife and their baby moved there a few months ago. I didn't know. They were having the baby's first birthday party. My friend came over and wanted to know where Jake was and I told her he was napping. She said she would really like to see him and she would love for me to bring him over when he woke up. So when he woke up later I called her phone. She didn't answer and I kind of peaked at what was going on. Things had quieted down so I thought they were finishing up, no big deal. Well she called me back and said to bring that baby over right away. I thought we were just going to the fence so she could see him and show her husband because he hasn't seen him in a long time. She holds him and says come on in. I felt a bit uneasy about that. I was dressed in my grungy clothes and I didn't want to crash the party. The next thing I know that is exactly what we did. There were tons of people there and several that I know. In know time flat Jake is settled in on "Grandpa Dave's" knee and they are getting ready to open presents. So we watched. I didn't know how to make an exit. I felt bad. I got a less than pleased look from the baby's mom and from the other grandma. It just so happens the other grandma is a nurse at the hospital in OB. We ate no food and consumed no beverages, but I still feel bad. I am thinking that we will go and get a small gift and drop it off and apologize for crashing a baby party. Our boys are the same age and live right across the alley. I want to get off on the right foot! I just hope Mike hasn't done something stupid also.

So we came home and ate dinner and then when it came time, we went to my best friend's parents' house. They live about one block from where the town's firework display is set off. Her parents where gone but we still hung out there. I was amazed at Jake's reactions. He wasn't scared at all! He sat on Aunt Jojo's knee or her daughter's the whole time and watched. People were setting them off everywhere, including Joy's husband. I mean right there and he just loved it. I thought he would cry at the noise or be startled, but no, not one bit!! He even loved the sparklers we did at the end. I couldn't believe he stayed up so late either! He had a ball. I'm just sad Mike couldn't have been there to see it.

One of my coworkers had a baby yesterday and I thought I would make her dinner. That is the thing that I appreciated the most when I had Jake. I'm not sure what

to make. She has a two and half year old. I don't want to make something totally wrong. If

I ask her what she would like me to make she will tell me not to make anything. Any suggestions?

I took all of these pictures today. It was our progression through the day. The two pictures with Molly were taken at different times. She is so good with Jake!

Not there yet

Well, we are mostly moved in. We have a bit of stuff left at the other house. Now we are living in mountains of boxes. I have been trying to unpack but it is hard. Tomorrow is my day off but I need to go work on getting more junk out and cleaning! We have tons of cleaning to do. I can't wait until it is down to just one house and just one mess. We can't even start adjusting because we can't find anything.

Are we done yet?

The answer is no. We are not done moving yet. We have moved tons of boxes and crap, I mean stuff over to the house but no furniture in place. That comes this Saturday and I can hardly wait.



I'm trying to figure out where I want everything and how I want to put everything away. I am not going to sleep well until the last box has been unpacked or put to storage in its proper home. I'm a bit OCD like that. I'm not a neat freak by any means, but it makes me anxious to know all my stuff is everywhere and no where at the same time. I've got to know where my stuff is!!!



Jake is being a little monster. We have been helping a coworker of mine out some lately. She is caring for her granddaughter for an undetermined amount of time. This sweet little girl is a couple of months younger than Jake and goes to the same daycare. I have been picking her up and keeping her when grandma has to work late shifts. This little girls is just a dream. Jake likes her and frequently behaves better when she is around, like he has to impress her or something. Well, I picked them both up today and she played quietly in the car on the way home and Jake screamed. I don't mean cried, I mean SCREAMED for almost twenty minutes. I could find no reason. Nothing was pinching him or too tight. He is just a giant crab. He is working on both of his bottom first year molars and it is going to kill me. Both sides of the gum are swollen to crazy amounts and have giant blisters. They aren't blood blisters like the first two but they are still ugly. He isn't eating worth a darn. I don't know what to try to give him.

He has been a terrible stinker about taking his allergy medicine too. He just hates getting medicine. It is a battle to get any in his mouth. I draw up 1.5 doses and hope he swallows half of that. His skin has been worse lately, but I have been eating things I shouldn't I haven't been able to give up dairy completely. I love dairy. My mom brought some brownies last week and they were loaded with eggs. On top of that, Mike brought home a container of my favorite ice cream. That is my weakness. I love ice cream. So I think the worsening of Jake's skin is because of that. I have felt so bad that I am doing much much better about what I am eating. I feel guilty that I am making his skin itch.

Update

Jake is doing so much better. He is happy and ornery. I love it. He is still teething and drooling like a fool. We are doing better on the tantrums. He realizes that I'm putting him back to bed now.

Some changes have happened at daycare. One of the women is no longer there as of the end of last week. She could be a bit difficult. She liked knowing things and not sharing that information - like my son's allergies. She liked doing things her way, even if that isn't how the daycare wanted it done. My son liked her. I liked her, yet was afraid of her. I knew I didn't want to tick her off. One day she was there, the next she wasn't. Okay. So two girls - her kids were high school age - took her place. One seems eerily nice. She is always smiling and just loves babies. That is good. She just gives me the creeps a little. She just always seems to be about two feet away from me and she is tiny and startles me. You don't see her coming. She is just suddenly there smiling up at you. This isn't bad, I know. My son seems to like her. The other girl... not so happy with. I don't know if she still works there even. She started Monday. She was there with the director when I got there and she seemed fine. Tuesday morning I got there and no one was there. I didn't have a clue what to do. I didn't know a number to call. I was panicking. I called my husband. He was in bed but was going to drag himself down to wait so I could go to work. When she got there it wouldn't have been pretty. She showed about five minutes later. The fog was bad and she had to come from about forty miles away. Not okay, but... what can I do. Yesterday we had to wait but she was there to unlock the door at 6. Today? Nothing. No one!!! I got the number for the director after what happened Tuesday. I called her and said there is no one here at 0610. The church was unlocked because the men's group has a breakfast and bible study on Thursday mornings. I went to see who was there. My best friend's dad and the husband of one of my L&D nurses were two of the men there. They said they could watch him. (their faces lit up when they saw us). They were worried about me getting to work on time and they said they would be happy to take Jake until someone got here. (I actually called the director after I saw them the first time). In the mean time, one of my coworkers showed up with her granddaughter who is six and a half months old. We talked to the director and waited until we couldn't wait any longer and left the babies with the men. The director chewed out my coworker for our doing that. I don't think she understood how well we know these men. I barely made it to work on time. We get severely penalized for being one minute late.

So what will tomorrow bring? We will see. Thank goodness we go an hour later. I think I might blow a gasket if there is no one there again. I NEVER once had that problem with the other woman. Not once, not even when the weather was awful.

Must keep packing. We were hoping to make the move this weekend, but that isn't going to work out. We can move boxes to the garage and the basement, but the carpets have to be cleaned still :( Not what we were hoping for. It will probably rain anyway.

Nine months old!

Jake is nine months old today and I can't believe it. Guess how we spent our day? Waiting, waiting and waiting some more. To make it even more fun, we were waiting on an empty stomach. Jake had tubes put in his ears today. The doctor was almost three hours behind schedule. I thought it was going to be bad to have to wait with a baby until 11am for surgery. Well that is nothing compared to waiting until almost 2pm with a hungry baby for surgery. I would have rescheduled, but this is the only time I could get it in for the next six weeks. We couldn't have waited six weeks!

So it went well and he is doing better. Hopefully now we won't have to be on antibiotics all the time. Hopefully now Jake will feel better. Hopefully now Jake will put on a little weight and that will make the doctor happy. He dropped under nineteen pounds with this last bout of illness. I just can't believe my little baby is nine months old. He is going to be a year before I know it!

He is doing so many new things. He pulls up on whatever he can. He walks on his toes with help. He gets his legs into his army crawl now. My favorite new thing is what he is doing right this minute - temper tantrums!!!

Yippee!

Well, I have great news. We are moving. I am so excited except for the packing, moving, and unpacking part of it. I just can't wait to get out of this house!!!

Back in January an opportunity presented itself to us and we thought it was wonderful. A former coworker of mine approached me about renting/buying his house. We talked and he said come and see the house and we will talk. Well, right now, I have a short list of things I don't like about the house and that is it. They are also livable things that maybe someday we can take care of.

There is so much more space and we NEED it! All of the rooms are bigger than we have now. The basement is so much nicer. There are three bathrooms! The kitchen has a ton more space and the back yard is completely fenced like a normal yard. I am so looking forward to being able to put the dogs out to play. I will be able to PARK IN THE GARAGE!!!! There is central air. You can't see a breeze coming in the windows. There is insulation in the walls. I have also know the last two owners and I know they both have taken good care of the house.

I hate packing. I really, really hate packing. I have packed fifty boxes as of yesterday and you can't really see that I have done anything (if you don't open closet doors or kitchen cupboards). That is depressing. Mike took a day off to help me. He has packed a big fat zero boxes.
I have to get back to packing but I thought I would just stop and write a note. As you can see, meal time often ends in the bathtub. I think Jake makes a mess just so he can get in the tub. He cries when you take him out now and not when you put him in. Saturday was his first time playing in the yard and Mommy got out some bubbles. He wanted to get the bottle out of my hand and try and drink it. He thought the bubbles where pretty cool if he couldn't see the bottle.

Here I come!!!

Jake is a man of motion. He is all over the place now. But it is a funny crawl. It is kind of a modified army crawl. It works for him though! You have to watch out. That boy is across the room in no time. He is trying to wedge himself in the tinniest of spaces too. He sure is funny to watch. I would worry about his legs if I didn't know how well they work because they don't do much work at all in this crawl. His upper body is sure going to be strong!




He really needs a hair cut and you can tell in these pictures. His hair seems to be getting a lot thicker and growing so fast!



In the last picture you can see the glow of Ophi's eyes. There seems to be one animal or another always watching Jake move at a not too far distance. It is funny. I don't know if they are trying to see what he can do or watching to see if he is going to get into trouble. Molly is really funny because she gets behind him as he goes and if he stops she licks his head. I don't know if she is praising him or encouraging him to keep going. It is funny either way.

Birthday cake

For my birthday I had something that totally goes against everything Jake can eat. I had this lovely layered - devil's food cake, ganache, cheesecake, ganache, devil's food, slathered wit more ganache and topped this chocolate pieces. It was to die for! I ordered it from New York. It cost about as much to have it sent as the cake did and I don't care. I loved it.

However, I ate it alone. Mike was home and had been home all weekend. He took a nap all evening!!! I had to eat leftovers on my own and then eat cake on my own. I was so mad at him. He got up just in time for me to go to bed, that turkey!

At least the next day I went out with some friends after work to a Mexican restaurant and had margaritas and ponchos and leftover cake. My friends enjoyed it! That was nice at least.

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Happy Mother's Day to all! I wish this day were going a little different for us, but I am still grateful that I am a mother. Jake is sick. Again. I'm sick. AGAIN. We are waiting for the urgent care to open right now. We believe we will actually get to see a doctor today and not one of the PA's. I sure hope we don't have to see the PA we saw on Wednesday because she was a freaking pump on a log. I have gotten to cuddle Jake a lot the past few days. (he won't sleep at night unless I am holding him). Maybe it is the lack of sleep, but it still seems a bit surreal to me. This is my little baby. This IS my little boy. This is MY baby. I am so grateful to be his mother and we will make it through all these bumps in the road. We have each other.

Poor baby!

Poor Jake had allergy testing done today. Normally they do the skin testing on the back, but we couldn't. I was hoping to do blood work but they wanted immediate answers because the doctor only is in my town once a week. We would have to go back and get our results. So we had to use poor Jake's thighs to do the test because the eczema on Jake's back was too bad. They only did 17 different things I think. I was just sure he was going to be allergic to the cat and dogs but luckily he isn't. On the drive to the visit I was mentally making my plan of what to do with my animals and I was so relieved not to have to do anything!

So that was the good or even great news. It goes steeply down the mountain from there. Jake is allergic to milk, peanuts, and eggs. They had to redo some of the food tests because his reaction to eggs was so large that it covered the tests beside it. So then we had to do them on his upper arm. Those went much better. He actually fell asleep while we were waiting for those to react. But those results just confirmed the milk and peanut allergies. This sucks big time. I already knew about the milk. I figured that one out. He is still allergic to grapes but they didn't test for those. Anyway, is there a chance he could out grow these allergies???? Milk - probably. Eggs? The doctor said not likely because of the severity of the reaction. I am really, really hoping he is wrong. I do tons of baking. Eggs and dairy are in so many things. Peanuts - the doctor said he is doubtful. I feel bad for Jake, but we can work with this one. Peanut butter is one of my favorite things and I have limited it over the last year and a half because of Jake. I had some early when I was pregnant because there wasn't much protein I could eat. Now I'm told that may have been the cause. Well, if I hadn't had protein wouldn't we have more serious problems at the moment? So they (the nurse, not the doctor) tell me that soy is closely related to peanuts so we shouldn't have that either. Holy shit!!! I think she knows what she is telling me, but that means he can pretty much eat fresh veggies and fruits and meat, and then everything else has to be made at home so you can be sure what the heck is in it.

So I read the stuff they gave me. I got onto some of the websites from which the readings were obtained. I discovered that about 20% of small children with a peanut allergy will out grow it. That is better than I thought. I also read that only about 5% of the children with a peanut allergy also have trouble with soy. So this mommy is not cutting the soy yet. He doesn't even eat much but he still manages to get soy. If need be I will, but not freaking yet! Probably milk, maybe eggs, and a small possibility of peanuts. This is going to be hard for awhile but we will work it out. The doctor said he will retest in one year and see what is happening.

So what does he get to eat now? Still on breast milk, still trying not to take hypoallergenic formula, the stinker. Now I am supposed to eat around his allergies. MY LIFE WITHOUT DAIRY?!?!?!?! Awhile ago I opened the fridge door and looked around. Top shelf - yogurt, pudding, applesauce, dessert wine, milk x 2, butter sticks, spreadable butter, water, breast milk, mango baby food, and pear juice. Great. Next shelf - sour cream, cream cheese, something else dairy that I can't remember, fat free half and half, chocolate, tortillas, pizza, leftover chicken, leftover beef, and more butter. Bottom shelf - beer, eggs, a tube of breakfast sausage, more butter, applesauce, something from Mike's lunch in aluminum foil (yikes!). In the drawers - carrots, onions, garlic, cheese, cheese and more cheese, and deli ham and turkey. It was cottage cheese on that other shelf. I LOVE dairy. I can drastically limit eggs and avoid peanuts, but no dairy will kill me!

I just have to figure something out for my sweet boy's birthday cake. That is what keeps running through my mind. I know substitutes for eggs, but eggs and butter?? I have to figure something new out. Poor little guy, but hopefully we can get his skin well now. We did get daily allergy medicine, a different cream, and an epipen just in case...

It's hard

This morning was hard. We get into patterns and it is hard to deviate from the routine especially when you are only half awake when you get started. I am used to getting up in the morning and letting Lois out of his kennel first and then going to the bathroom and he would follow behind. I would pet him as I peed. Then I would let Molly out and take her for her walk. Well, we have been leaving Molly out at night the last two weeks since there have been strange things happening in the neighborhood. Besides she can handle it now. This morning it threw me off to open my bedroom door and walk out in the hall and almost trip over my giant dog. But then I went to let Lois out and I just stood there. I made Mike throw his kennel away before I came back from the vets and from taking Jake to the doctor for yet another ear infection. I just stood there. Molly nosed my hand a couple of times and snapped me back. So I went to the bathroom and took her out.

I kept going with my routine, but when I went to take a shower I stood there and held the door open and waited. Most mornings Lois would beat me to the bathroom for my shower but sometimes he would be behind, but either way he had to be in the bathroom while I was taking a shower. I don't know why but for all the years I had him this was a pattern he set. He used to have to check on me by peaking in the back of the shower but he stopped doing that regularly a few years back. It hit me really hard this morning when he didn't come that he would never be there again. I got in the shower and cried. Mike doesn't understand. He has always had a dog around but he doesn't form the attachment and the bond that I do. But the animals don't bond to him so much either.

I know there are animal people and there are people who don't like animals. There isn't a whole lot of middle ground. I know there are people who love dogs and can't see what a person could possibly see in a cat. There are some people like me who love them both and other animals too. It is hard for nonpet people to understand that it is very much like losing a human member of your family. I just miss him. I know I needed to do this but I was really hoping he would be one of those cats that lives into their twenties. Lois was the kind of cat that people that hate cats don't mind so much. He was really good with people. One of the things that is so hard now is that whenever I was upset he would try to comfort me. Now I don't have that.

Goodbye my friend

I had to do something very difficult today. I had to put a cat to sleep. Lois, a male cat, has been sick for awhile. He had digestive problems and he kept losing weight. A couple of days ago, Mike yelled at Lolo to get down. I fell asleep rocking Jake. I looked around because I thought he was up on a table or on Jake's jumper or something (he liked to go places he knew he wasn't allowed to go). Mike told him to get down again and at that point I realized he was on me. He was so light that I could not feel his weight on me at all.

He was a good cat with an ornery streak. He came to me when he was about 2 years old. It was when his first owner took him to be neutered that they learned he had been incorrectly named for his gender. When I got up the very first morning he had living in my house, I found him hanging in the curtains. He was snagged up in the sheers and the rod and bent in a V. He was fat then. He wasn't used to other cats and it took a bit of adjusting for him to fit be comfortable in my home. There were three cats then. If you scolded him at all it deeply hurt his feelings and he would hold a grudge something awful. I got a kitten two weeks before Lois came to live with me and very quickly they formed a bond. He raised her. He let her "nurse" on him. She actually found a teet and suckled. He groomed her and played with her.

He was very playful. He loved to lay on you. He was very friendly. He loved to greet guests. He always reached out and touched you with a paw to get your attention. He would get on your lap and then he would very slowly work his way up so that he was up as high as he could be on you. He was a bit sneaky and thought you wouldn't notice what he was doing. I got another kitten shortly after I had to put my oldest cat to sleep. Lois raised her also. She was a little pistol and went to live with my mom. She still sucked on Lois even though she was five. She sucked a clump of fur on his chest. She would come push up to his chest and he would groom her. He was a care taker. He even gave his people a bath. I was very sad when I had to start closing him out of the bedroom after Mike came to live with us. I didn't think it was fair because the cats had been there first, but Mike claimed to be allergic to cats.

Good bye my dear friend, Lois. You will always be in my heart. I am sad that Jake didn't get to know you better. You were so good with kids. I love you and I'm sorry.

My boy!

I can't believe how fast he is growing! We seem to take two steps forward and one step back though. He will do well with his sleeping and then like this weekend he will be horrible about going to sleep at night. Then he will SCREAM in his crib so hard he makes himself sick. Mommy is so tired. He got me up at three and I was finally able to go back to sleep about 3:50 but my alarm went off at 4:20. Mommy has been the walking dead today. She should be in bed because Jake is actually still in his bed.

He has cried and fussed a ton too. He doesn't want to be put down unless it is in a shopping cart or stroller. Then you have to keep them moving. He will play for awhile and then stop and cry at you. He is really yanking my hair again right now and gets my glasses off as soon as he can get anywhere near my face.

He is growing and changing so much though. He does sit and plat with more complex toys. He still doesn't crawl yet but he is so close. He will scoot backwards or turn in circles on the floor until he gets where he wants to be.

He hasn't gotten any more teeth, but I think he is working on it. So I think that was some of the problem this weekend. That and he was having trouble being constipated. Now that he is eating so much he is having a little trouble. Baby food with meat seems to be the worst.

He hardly takes his pacifier anymore. He does chew and suck his left thumb a lot now. My mom is just going to eat that up. She wants him to be left handed. I wouldn't mind it just because I am so left handed. It is easier for me to help and teach left handed.

I can hardly keep my eyes open. I have to go take the dogs out before I start drooling!

Where to shop???

We are finally getting Jake baptized. I asked the minister and asked her and she kept telling me it was only worked into certain services on certain Sundays. I asked her again and she said we could do it whenever we wanted, any Sunday at all. ???? Okay, whatever. We are doing it Mother's Day. I need something for him to wear. I want something nice but not one of those little white suits. I can't find anything nice in town and I have looked at more than a dozen different websites. No luck. Any suggestions???

1 year

One year ago today I woke up with the terrible stiff neck because I thought I had slept funny. I never imagined when I got up that morning what was in store for me. The function hasn't returned completely, like they were just sure it would and I still have pain and spasticity. It is a lot better now that I am taking the medicine the Physiatrist prescribed. However, the medications (he gave me two) have a lot of side effects so far that I am not happy with.

The Physiatrist was very nice at least. He had a lot of answers for me. I didn't like them all and it has put me in my funk. The drugs he "gave" me make me sleepy, clumsy, crabby, make my vision blurry, make my ankles and feet swell, and I have trouble speaking sometimes. But the most common side effect is severe dizziness and I haven't had that. I was mildly dizzy a couple of times but not bad at all. Not what I was expecting. He told me a dozen times or more not to stop taking the drugs because the side effects will get better. I sure hope so because I am covered with bruises and there are times it is all I can do to get up out of a chair because I am so sleepy. Great for work and taking care of baby!!

My face probably won't get any better as far as strength and movement, but it isn't too bad actually. Most people wouldn't notice or they might just think I was a bit weird (so they would be right). My mouth still raises when I close my right eye or if I raise my left eyebrow. But I can raise my left eyebrow. Not independently of the right, but not everyone can do that anyway. The pain is not the same nerve that goes with the paralysis. The two nerves run parallel and most people don't have problems with the Trigeminal nerve when they have Bell's Palsy, but I get to be lucky. I ended up with Trigeminal Neuralgia. We don't know what will happen yet. We don't know how long I will need to take medication, but hopefully not forever. At least I can smile at my son. I'll just keep with it. What else can I do?

walk

I took Jake for a long walk today. The weather was nice at our house, a bit windy, but still 65 degrees. I took him to this really nice walking path we have that follows the river we have. It is about five miles, maybe, from our house. The wind was so horrible I could barely push the stroller. Jake was all snug and warm and thought it was a great trip.

There are so many geese right now and they are all nesting. I can't tell you how many places I saw just the head of a female sticking out of some brush or grass or something and ten or so feet away there was the male standing guard, protecting his family. I don't know why but it really struck me to see how protective the papas were of their mates and those little eggs.

I remember being taught that geese are monogamous and frequently don't even seek another mate if something happens to theirs. For some reason I find this to be terribly romantic. But I remember hearing some scientist say some time ago that they did DNA studies on different groups of geese and actually found that wasn't exactly true. He said that they found more than one father to the eggs under the females. He said promiscuity was rampant. I remember just hating that man and wanting to know why they felt the need to study this.

So now when I see the father standing guard over his mate, I still try to think of them as mates for life and that he would do anything for her. I like the romantic version so much better!

Pictures

I have been struggling a little bit. I just seem to be having a hard time with everything. Amazingly I just don't want to talk about it. Or maybe I just don't know what to say.

Jake's six month - turned into seven month - pictures are back already. I was thinking it was going to take extra time because she was unexpectedly gone a week and instead we had our slide show in 1 week. She tells you ten to fourteen days normally and I was thinking closer to three weeks this time, so I got a pleasant surprise today. I will share the pictures, but I wish I could edit them. I don't even recognized the person in those pictures. In most of them you can't really tell my face still has problems. I can of course, but I just can't believe that fat face is me. I guess I haven't gotten used to the person I have become. That means I need to change it right? I need to because I have gained ten pounds in the six weeks. I guess the pictures don't lie.

http://www.kellyhighbyphotography.com/slideshows/

The password is "jacobc"

I do like them though. Jake wasn't cooperative for long, but there are some that are still pretty cute.

Right, Mom!

I made a bottle of formula for Jake this morning. It isn't the kind the doctor recommended, but it was one we had samples of at home. I had it ready when I went to get him out of bed. (it was my bed btw. He woke up in the night and was hungry so I just brought him to bed so I could sleep and he could eat and sleep to his heart's content). I got him up, checked the diaper and sat down to give him the bottle. He is very independent about the bottle for anyone else who gives him one so I handed it to him. He lifted it to his nose and sniffed it. Then he licked it. The promptly turned it over and handed it back to me. He was having none of it! I offered it to him two more times as I was getting ready and he refused in no uncertain terms. That made me feel better about trying to wean him!!!

I don't know what is wrong with me. This week was terrible and I just seem to be in a funk. Jake finally seems to be feeling better. He went back to daycare on Thursday. He still had diarhea, but he hadn't vomited since Tuesday I think. He ended up going to the doctor Monday and Tuesday. Three visits from Wednesday to the next Tuesday. That is worse than when we first brought him home! Oh well, you have to take care of your baby and if you think there is something wrong you take him back again and again. He is refluxing now which he has not had a problem with before now. Hopefully it will be better in the next few days.





I have had a lot of pain in my face and that doesn't really help. I have a doctor's appointment Tuesday to see if there is anything that can be done. I'm pretty sure whatever they want to do to me will have to wait until I am done breast feeding. So I think it is time to start weaning the baby, even though the doctor doesn't want me to. Mike and I talked about it as I was feeding Jake, of course, and I started bawling. He seemed to understand it better than I. I mean I guess once I stop that is it, we won't ever be doing that again. I was reading some information on some site about weaning and they said it could take many months!!! I don't think I can wait that long. I was hoping we could have it successfully completed in four weeks or less. Depending on what they do to me or give me, it just may not be a safe option. So I am having mixed emotions. I am planning on Wednesday being the day we start the process. Tuesday is when I have my appointment. I'm just not entirely sure how to start. I have read a few different approaches and I going to go talk to our lactation specialist on Monday to see what she has to say.





I have been so stinking tired. I think the headaches are making worse, that and the sick baby I have had to get up with many many times. Thursday night I fell asleep in the chair. I needed to nap for a few minutes before I got up and took care of all the things I needed to do still. Mike woke me up at midnight and told me to go to bed. I told him I couldn't because I didn't have my routine done and he did most of it for me so I could go to bed sooner. Bless him! Last night I laid down on the couch and was asleep within fifteen minutes of putting Jake to bed. Mike had pretty much everything done before he woke me up and walked me to bed. How wonderful!!! He has been home all week and he has just been great. He has managed with the sick baby even though he doesn't do well with that and was scared to take care of him. He has been cleaning the house up after himself so I didn't have to (well, not Monday and Tuesday when the boys were alone, but he has made up for it!)





I had a nightmare last night that the photographer's assisnt called again to tell us we wouldn't be able to get our pictures taken as scheduled. Only this time it was so the photographer could go on vacation. I was upset because I wouldn't have another day for a month that I could go and get them taken. She said not worry about not being able to get there for a month because they wouldn't be able to "fit us in" for three months! I then started sobbing about how now I wouldn't have six month pictures of my son because of them and they didn't need to worry about us coming in three months. I thought about checking the caller ID when I got up, however it was six and I am pretty sure they wouldn't be calling then.

Yesterday was fun. We cleaned and then my in laws came over. We got some different furniture and they came to see it. Jake was the center of attention of course, and in the middle of everyone watching him he threw up. A lot. Into Mom's hands. I don't do well with vomit, but I do better than my husband. This was just breast milk so it wasn't that bad. It scared him though. It is only the second time he ever vomited. The first time was because he was coughing so hard it made him sick. Grandma and Grandpa thought it was funny. They thought he gagged himself with a toy. Mommy didn't think it was funny and she didn't think it was a toy either. Mommy was right this time. He was so hungry and of course I feed him. Then he threw up about ten minutes later and about another ten minutes after I got him all cleaned up and changed. This time he really got me and my phone.

This morning he had a fever of 102. Poor little guy! He got to stay home with daddy. Daddy didn't do so well. Oh course he started getting sick from the other end too. He went to the doctor during my lunch break and he said it was his antibiotic and a virus making him sick. I can buy the virus. Give him lots of fluids. Great he won't take anything but breast milk. We got a couple of different flavors of pedialyte but it isn't happening. He won't take watered down juice when he isn't sick let alone when he is. Poor baby. He didn't throw up all day for dad, but he keeps spitting up now. That is not something he really has ever done. You can hear him refluxing. We are supposed to take him back to our regular doctor if it keeps up (her day off today). He also encouraged us not to take Jake to the urgent care we took him to last week - the one that is owned and operated by this doctor's office!!! What do you do??? He may have to stay home with daddy again tomorrow.

I had my ninth plugged duct. It started yesterday and finally resolved today. I think Jake wasn't nursing well enough yesterday because he didn't feel good. Poor baby, the kink almost always comes out while his is nursing and then I drowned him. He was making it worse by pushing my breast away from his facing which only made the stream come out stronger. I do like the closeness we have, but I can't wait to be done with this. I'm really hoping I won't be saying "just one more month" very soon!

Mom's wrong... yet again

We went to the urgent care place this morning because our doctor is sick. I felt entirely out of place there. I have never gone there in the middle of the day before. I am always at work then. First of all I am not racist. As a matter of fact, our family doctor is Hispanic. Anyway, I was definitely in the minority in waiting room. First of all Jake and I were the only blue eyed, fair skinned people. Second of all, we were the only people that had regular health insurance. You have to present your insurance card and from the time we sat down to the time we went back the only coverage I heard people say was not the blue cross like we have, if you get my drift. There were tons of other babies though and most of the mothers were babies themselves. This is a good look for Jake isn't it. His eye looks a ton better here than it did when he woke up. It hardly even opened at all this morning.
Anyway, I was sort of wrong, I guess. It isn't pink eye and he doesn't have a plugged duct. He does have a sinus infection and mucus is coming BACK OUT the nasal lacrimal duct. Poor baby! We got some antibiotics and then we went and ran errands. At least he doesn't have a highly infectious disease. He just feels like crap. He would have had lovely pictures today wouldn't he???
(I know the red eye is terrible, but I thought the picture was just so cute!) My pretty princess kitty loves to come and rub on Jake. She has very long, very silky fur and he loves to pet her. Usually, however, he is very gentle unlike this tail grab indicates. I haven't been able to snag a picture of her coming up and rubbing his nose with hers. I am always holding him when it happens. He just loves it! He giggles and giggles.

This FREAKING day!!!

Is it Friday yet??? I had to get up with Jake a couple of times last night and so this morning when I was oh so hoping I could sleep in a tiny bit it ticked me off that Mike got mad at me. I brought Jake to bed with me to feed him and hopefully, oh please God, get just another 30 minutes or so of sleep. Jake wasn't happy though and kept fussing. That irritated Mike and he yelled at me. Who is it that gets up every single time? Not him. Who is it that gets to continue to sleep after the baby and the dogs decide it is time to get up? Not me. So even if we get up at the same time, he still has more sleep because I was up an hour and a half in the night. Not to say he did get up. No, we got up and he stayed in bed until almost ten. If I'm lucky I can get daddy to dress the baby while I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off because things never go smoothly when I am a late shift. I still have to take the baby to daycare. Gee, where does daddy have to be...no where! He didn't go to work until 6pm. He took a damn nap after we left.

So that is how it goes. It makes me a tad bit cranky. That and the fact that I am congested and have a cough. When I got up to feed Jake in the night I noticed one of his eyes looked funny. I thought he had a black eye because it looked swollen. Mind you I don't have more than a 4 watt night lite with which to see. I took him in the bathroom and ticked him off royally. It looked like the nasty snot from his nose had run up his face and glued his eyelashes together and he couldn't open his eye fully. I cleaned him up and inspected his eye. It seemed to look fine. It looked fine later when we got up (since this originally occurred at about 3am).

One of my coworkers was so sweet to come in so I could go do my BLS. Thank God, because I don't think I could have done it Thursday night. Good day so far right? They went down hill rapidly. I had to be the afternoon charge nurse and there were issues. Unfortunately, I got practice that CPR I renewed today. A patient came into the OR in a full code. Not good. Not good at all! Thankfully we were able make things better. But as I am taking this patient to ICU I am handed a note about another patient that MAY need EMERGENCY surgery after the doctor goes to a meeting. Does that sound like an emergency to you??? As the charge person I would normally be talking to this doctor and finding out important things, but as I was already in a life and death situation he had to deal with someone else. Great. I had to figure it out later. So in the mean time I get a call from the ER. They have a bleeding patient that needs to come up right away. I chuckle and say of course you do, we will be right there to get them. We were. We are down to a skeleton crew now and we are gather supplies for the case we "might" do and the case we are going to do. The doctor calls back after his meeting and needs to do the emergency. I tell him we are setting up for a bleeding patient at the moment but we will get his case going as fast as we can. He tells me he is disappointed there is another case and needs to get his surgery started as soon as possible because it is going to take all night. Of course it is. So I am setting up for the bleeding patient and the doctor calls. She needs to deliver a baby first. Of course you do. I am having to call all sorts of people to keep them abreast of what is going on. A scrub and I say we will stay so that the "emergency" can get started in the other room and we will take care of the bleeding patient who is now on hold. I call my MIL and tell her I don't know when I will pick my baby up. She says no problem but did I notice something going on with Jake's eye? Great. I say well as a matter of fact I did and the phone rings and I have to hang up on her. The OB calls me and lets me know it might be awhile and did I know they think they have an appy in the ER and it might need to go before her bleeding patient?? Of course they do. So... I had a lovely day. We didn't have to do the appy. The doctor decided the patient wasn't as close to delivering as the nurse thought she might be and we got to take the patient back to the OR. I was there an extra two hours after the end of my shift.

I was so glad to get the hell out of work. I went and got my little darling and for crap sake it was the other eye!!! It is so swollen! I thought it was probably pink eye, but I am thinking not after seeing him. He might have a plugged tear duct or something else. His actual little eye did look pink at all. We were supposed to get our pictures taken in the morning, but the photographer had a death in her family and had to go to Texas. Sadly, that ended up working out well for us didn't it? I still have the day off so I can take the baby to the doctor. His poor little nose is so stuffy and snotty. I feel so bad for him. It still isn't natural for him to mouth breathe so it wakes him up and is kind of scary. Poor baby. More antibiotics and who knows what else. Did I say thank God this day is over yet???

Finally Saturday!

This week was so stinking long! After having to work over seventeen hours last Saturday and then being sick on Tuesday, I didn't know what day was what. Luckily it is over. Now I'm not entirely looking forward to next week either. I have three late shifts which I hate! But two good things though. I was supposed to take BLS (basic life support) on Thursday night - Thursday being the only regular day I work - but one of my coworkers took pity on me. She is part time and is going to come in for me on Tuesday afternoon so I can leave for a couple of hours and take the class then. I am so happy about that! That was so nice of her and I appreciate it so much. The other good thing is that I have Wednesday off so we can go get Jake's six month pictures taken by the really good, really expensive photographer. The week after that I don't think I have a single late shift. Yippee!!



My chest hurts and I have a terrible cough. It is different than I usually get though. I'm still a bit worried about it but I feel fine otherwise. I just feel like I am on the edge of an asthma attack, but none comes. I'm not complaining about that. It does seem to both irritate and concern Jake however. If he is eating than it disturbs him and he doesn't like that. If I am holding him or he is sitting near me he gives me or Mike a very concerned look.



Speaking of sitting, he is doing so well!!! You can see by the pictures. He is just beginning to fall in the picture with the fish in his mouth. His very favorite toy right now is his tongue. He loves to play with it. He sticks it out and rolls it up. He sprays spit or baby food every where with it. He just loves to see what he can do with it. He even licks you. I took him to a meeting at work with me on Friday and he was great entertainment with his tongue activities.



I am dreading the time change. I guess that is a good thing about having all the late shifts. I guess we can use them to ease ourselves in a bit more. It is just so hard for me to get up now in the mornings! Jake has been getting up a lot so that doesn't help but no matter how you look at it 415 is early.



This week I have toiled a lot over breast feeding. I have been having a lot of pain in my face around my left eye. I don't remember if I have posted this or not. The MRI that was done at the end of December showed that there was still an unusual amount of swelling on my facial nerve. I was put on a pretty good dose of steroids for fifteen days. That seemed to cut my milk supply in half. That was pretty emotional for me. I suddenly hardly had any milk to put in the freezer and I for the first time I didn't always have enough if I had Jake for the entire day. I would have to give him frozen milk. He still doesn't take a bottle from me very well. He has no problem if Mike gives him one and Mike never even has to touch it aside from hand it to him and take it when he is done. Not the case for Mommy however. Interesting... So a recommended treatment for the spasticity and pain I am having around my eye is to have bo.t.ox injected in my forehead and around my eye. Supposedly, my insurance will pay for it. So I said what about the the other side because I already know you look stupid with half your face paralyzed. Insurance won't pay for you to be symmetrical in this instance. But I can't get the injections and still nurse. Right now my doctor is supposed to be talking with a special pain doctor to see if there is something else that should be tried instead. I'm pretty sure I am just getting handed over to that practice, but I haven't officially been told that. So what do I do? Here I am struggling to try to increase my milk supply. I feel ready to stop, but the doctor wants me to keep going with Jake as long as I absolutely can. I decided I would try to make it through the end of the month. That will put Jake at seven months old. Hopefully he will continue to be doing better about eating baby food. I'm just not sure how to go about starting him on formula. I asked the doctor what formula she wanted me to start with when he did start needing formula and she wants us to go with soy. It upset his tummy before when we were doing soy and breast milk and we had to change. Of course his life was measured in days then. I don't want to have to mess with trying a dozen different kinds of formula! That is why I AM still breast feeding. The funny thing to me is that my husband seems to have strong feelings on the matter. Maybe it is just because he doesn't want to have to help with the bottles more, but he doesn't want me to stop. Maybe it is because I made such a stink about how important it was when we were struggling in the early days. He knew my goal was to make it six months though. I guess I will see what the doctors come up with for me and I will go from there, if I still have any milk left by then!

Yet again

Yesterday I was sick. I called in to work sick. I have now been sick twice this year!!! I don't remember when I called in sick to work and I have called in twice. My boss is going to think it is the baby and blame it on him. I woke up with a fever and I felt terrible. My temp was 102.5. I was freezing one minute and dripping with sweat the next. I tried to get up and get ready for work. I took the dogs out and I shook like a leaf when I was out. I also was praying not vomit while I was out. Oh how I hate nausea!!!

I came in and got back in bed. I was there a bit before the GI aspect kicked in. It was awful. I don't know how long I was in the bathroom. Thank God I still had meds left over from the last time we were sick. I kept trying to take tylenol for my fever and it wouldn't stay down. I gave up. Jake woke up at 6 and I nursed him. I barely had the strength to lift him! I took him to bed with me and he kept screaming. He is really in to screaming and playing with his tongue right now. It is cute when he plays with his tongue, but the screaming is obnoxious! I tried and tried to quiet him but it didn't work. I got up and put him in his swing and much to my amazement it worked! I got an extra two hours of sleep. Then I woke Mike up and I got Jake dressed and I had Mike take him to daycare so I could continue to sleep. I slept (off and on and fitfully) until noon. I got up for a bit and ate some broth and crackers and went back to bed. It was terrible.

I had to get myself up and about because Jake had his first hair cut yesterday. It was more of a trim around the ears but it was still important. He looks so cute. He wasn't as cooperative as I hoped he would be, but we still managed. She seemed pretty experienced at chasing the moving target with giant scissors. Now he won't have any hair hanging over his ears for his pictures next week!

Check up

I can't tell you how much I love it that Jake sleeps through the night most nights now. I have gotten used to it and now when he has a bad night it kicks my ass. He slept so well Friday after his shots. He did well on Saturday. Sunday he was cranky and Sunday night was awful. He was sleeping and making this pathetic little cries. I went in to check on him and he was actually asleep. He was making sobbing noises in his sleep. I shut the door and the latch clicked. Damn. The screaming started and I don't know how long it took for me to get it to stop. If I held him and bounced him he would stop. I put him in bed and back to screaming full force. I rock him to sleep and I am falling asleep. I put him to bed and I crawl in bed. Twenty minutes later. Back to screaming. Longest damn night ever!! I think I got a total of maybe three hours of sleep. I brought Jake to be with me and if I didn't have him wrapped in my arms it didn't help. Mike had gone out to the living room to sleep and I got him to take Jake at 315 so I could get 1 hour of sleep before getting up. Mike feed him and got him dressed and kept him happy and let me sleep until 445. That meant he even took dogs out for me. He was able to go back to sleep when we left, but I was so grateful for that extra bit of sleep. Last night was a different story however. Jake woke up every hour and I had to go in and give him his pacifier or rub his tummy and get him back to sleep. I got up six times. I had to go to a meeting this morning but I didn't actually start work until 1000. I was going to take Jake with me this morning except he was screaming. Mike had to get up and take care of him and Mike threw a fit! He carried on about getting his sleep. Hello?? He went back to sleep yesterday and again today after I took the baby to daycare. He could have taken the baby to daycare. He could have kept the baby home! I had to help the new girl at daycare yesterday give a breathing treatment on someone else's baby and today I found out that another baby there was admitted with RSV. Jake has a cough now too! It is a dry cough, but a cough that could go somewhere. It would have been nice to have him not be in daycare when possible. Anyway, mommy is tired and going to bed in a few minutes.

Jake weighed in at 16 pounds 10 ounces and is just a touch under 27 inches long. He fits into the long and lean category. I am supposed to try to feed him more. He is doing a bit better with eating cereal and baby food. He won't eat any of the fruits yet. He does not seem to like juice at all and it is watered down of course. I talked to the doctor about weaning him and she discouraged me. What she did encourage me to do is pump and give him a bottle, you know so someone else can help me. I'm sick of pumping! She is encouraging me to do this so we know how much milk he is getting and then let him nurse to comfort suck. Mommy is starting to want to be done with it period. I have been taking steroids for a week and a half and my milk has dramatically decreased. I don't know if it will pick back up. I don't know if I want it to. For the first time this past weekend I couldn't produce enough milk to keep the baby happy. It was more emotional than I anticipated. I figured at some point it would happen, but I didn't realize how much it would hurt my feelings. The only thing that softened the blow was that I just had to open the freezer and grab breast milk. I think if I would have had to mix up formula it would have done me in as a failure as a mother. Do I believe that to be true? No, but my feelings were still hurt none the less. I was surprised. I mean I made six months right? That was my goal. To add insult to injury, two of the only three nursing bras I wear had wires pop out this week! Is that my sign??? I haven't decided yet.

TGIF

Well, its almost Friday. We have our six month check up tomorrow. TGIF! I can't wait to hold my baby this weekend.

So Monday morning I went in and for the first time ever someone else was there as early as I was to drop off her children too. I was trying to be calm because I was so angry and I didn't want to look or act like an idiot. I just wanted to make sure my son was being taken care of as I instructed. It was the regular person that is in charge of the room and I told her that I asked on Friday that Jake not receive formula and that then he did get formula. Like I said, I was trying to be calm because I didn't want to get irate. She said she would make sure he didn't get any more formula. Almost all of the times he got formula were when she was off duty. When I went in to pick up Jake I was armed to head to the director's office. I had all the papers on myself. As soon as I walked into to room the person I talked to on Friday came over and apologized. She claimed that Jake did not receive any formula on Friday. She said she was the one that wrote it as formula and she was the one that got his bottles. She said that she made a mistake because she marks formula down so many times a day. I didn't go to the director's office., for now. Things have gone very well this week, as far as daycare.

I did something to my back and I am in so much pain. It hurts to do anything. I am starting to get sick too and I am pissed about it. I went to the ENT because I am having problems with my face still. I am having new problems and she put me on steroids. A pretty high dose and now it has knocked my immune system down and I am getting the crap that have been coughed all over me for the past month. I was so hoping I wouldn't get the full blown deal just the little mini cough and congestion that I had recovered from. Anyway, many of the people have had severe back or neck pain associated with the onset of the illness. Damn.

A very good friend of my FIL's passed away on Valentine's Day and his funeral was this week. It was hard. I couldn't get Mike to go with me. His dad thinks his grandpa's funeral traumatized him when he was a little guy. I went though and it was very nice. Sad and hard, but nice as far as funerals go. It has been very hard for my FIL. He has lost a couple of his peers now and I know that can't feel good. You suddenly realize that your turn in line is coming up a lot closer than it used to be. It has made me think about a lot of things and I know Mike and I have a lot of things we need to do and take care of now not later because you never know.

It amazes me how much I still see this face. But I get to see the face in the next picture much much more. I have already forgotten how much hair he had when he was born! My how he has changed! I do think that I am going to have to have the hair around his ears trimmed before we get his six month pictures taken. It isn't horrible, but it bothers me. I like neat hair lines on guys, even little ones.

I am a bit less angry today. I decided that I would wait until Monday to talk to the director. I decided I can call her in the morning and show her the papers when I go to pick Jake up. I gathered the papers we got for the week, minus Monday's. They were too busy to get us his paper Monday and at the time it wasn't a big deal. Now I really wonder what it said. I thought they would put it in our box and I could get it Tuesday, but apparently they just threw it away. On the four papers I had it said he was given formula 12 times! That is laziness! I will not tolerate this. Even though I am going to talk to the director I am still going to explore some other options. I just know their aren't many and this was the best. I will be ranting about this to my best friend (she hasn't been at work because she had surgery and I haven't bothered her with this). I know she will tell her mom and her mom was one of the founders and is very good friends with a couple of the ladies on the board. This woman has very strong feelings about breast feeding and tells me how proud she is that I am still breast feeding every time she sees me. She also stops by at least once a week to check on Jake.

Jake seems to be growing and advancing by leaps and bounds right now. As soon as he started feeling better we could tell. We could also tell that being sick kind of stalled his teething. He turned into a major crank again and popped that 6th tooth in and now the center top teeth are right under the gum. He is so much stronger. He wants to jump up and down all the time now while you are supporting him. He loves it. It wears me out. He cracked my nose this past week with his head. My eyes are a bit blackened. It just looks like I have really bad dark circles under my eyes. Maybe it was like that before but I don't think so. He is sleeping a ton right now, which I think is part of the growing and not getting sick. He is working on his sitting. He certainly can't sit up on his own yet, but he has figured out how to not fall face first like he always used to if you let him. He is just so strong!

We do have a major problem though. He doesn't want to eat any baby food, but he IS hungry. I have tried everything I can thing of to try to get him to eat. I give him a break with baby food and try again a couple days later. We have been through all the 1 veggies and sweet potatoes were the only ones he seemed to like. I have tried adding juice to his cereal and I have even given up and added fruit to the cereal. I am still trying get him to eat veggies before I start giving him the fruit alone though. I just don't know what to do. He seems to like the cereal with milk better than juice. We have only tried rice so far and I think maybe I should try changing that. He just seems really hungry and is moving his feedings closer together! I take his hunger to be another sign he is going through a growth spirt.

So is the spell check working for everyone else? Am I suddenly doing something wrong to make it stop working? I am a terrible speller and I just hate not being able to click the spell check. I know there are mistakes and it embarrasses me that I can't fix them. I keep finding myself editing my word choices just because I can't spell a word!

hopping mad!

I don't have a choice but to work. I take my son to what happens to be one of the more expensive daycares around our community. It is also considered to be one of the best. I know that it is unavoidable for kids to get sick when they are around other kids. I'm not happy about how sick Jake was in January, but there isn't much I can do. But I am ticked now. I'm not even sure I can make it through the weekend without calling the director of the daycare.

When Jake started I took about a million things there for him right? Extra clothes, diapers, wipes, bottles, tylenol, disposable camera, pacifiers, and a few other things. I took lots of breast milk. I didn't know how much to take and how it would all work out. I also took a can of powdered formula JUST IN CASE. Just in case what? Well, I get Jake there at 6am when they open and then I go to work and get there right when I need to. I don't have time that I could drive home and back to daycare and then to work. I just don't want to find out the freezer on went out and Jake has no milk for the day. I can't just dash out of work. So JUST IN CASE we have this formula. I took cereal in for him and told them I would like him to get it once a day and that they can mix it to the consistency of baby food with formula. I know it will be much easier for them to use the formula than messing with the breast milk. I always use fresh milk so I don't have to worry about it being seperated and so forth. Jake was given formula 4 out of the five days this week. Yesterday he was given 4 formula bottles. His belly hurt last night and he cried and cried. I hadn't looked at his sheet from daycare since Mike picked him up. Mike got me the sheet because I wanted to see if he had been constipated and how he had eatten. 4 formula bottles is what I see! When I dropped him off this morning I VERY SPECIFICALLY said I DO not want him to have bottles of formula. He has breast milk. I asked why and was given the answer that he was very hungry and it takes so much longer to get the breast milk ready than it takes to get formula. The person that took him wrote it on his paper for the day. What do I find when I pick up Jake from daycare? He had 3 formula bottles today!!! I am pissed.

There are two things here that greatly anger me. The first is that I was clear about it. I said no bottles of formula, only mix it up and SPOON him cereal. I don't want him to have cereal in his bottles either. The second is that I am going to a lot of work to get this milk for him. It sucks. I pump three times a day and it is a pain in the ass. Jake still bites some. Mostly, if I watch and pay attention I can figure out when he is about to bite and end things first. I do still enjoy the closeness of it, but it is a lot of work. At this point, the main reason I am still doing it is because it is very clear he has allergies already and I don't want to go through a million formulas. I know it can upset their tummies to get both formula and breast milk - that it can take a bit for him to get used to it. I also know that he could be intolerant to this particular formula. It was a free can for God's sake. We were using Gentlease(?) when I stopped giving it to him when he was brand new but I we of course got rid of the open can. It makes me feel like I am going to all this work for nothing and more importantly the people I am handing over my child's life to are NOT listening to me. Grrr!

Yikes!

I picked Jake up from daycare today. I brought him home and I checked his diaper right away like I always do when I bring him home. He was clean and dry for once. I didn't open his one piece outfit up all the way. I just looked enough to see a clean and dry diaper. Then I took Jake out to the living room to play for a bit and then I fed him. I could see that his poor little chin was red and rashy and that his neck was a bit red, but it looked like someone with perfume or lotion or something that irritates his skin had been holding him. But when I was almost finished nursing him I noticed his shoulder looked red in the gappy neck of his shirt. I pulled the neck back and everything I saw was fire red. I pulled him back and I yanked open his snaps and his entire chest and back look like the worst sunburn ever! It goes down to part of his bottom his genitals are mostly spared. His thighs are splotchy. I snatched him up quick and took him to the urgent care. He is allergic to penicillin and its derivatives, which Jake had been taking. He was laughing and flirting with the girls in the office, but as soon as we got home he crashed and did not feel good. His skin was so hot! Poor boy. They said we just need to let the drugs work out of his system and not do anything else for him. We gave him a bath and I slathered him up with lotion and I blew on it while it was still drying. He loved that. He would giggle while I did it and scream when I stopped. I feel so bad for him. It scared me though.

Last day

Today is the last day of Mike's vacation and it has gone much better than I expected. I asked him to do two things for me while he was off and neither has been completed. The odometer in my car is reading error and we need to put something different down than what we have between the carpet of the hallway and the linoleum of the bathroom floor. He is working on putting the automatic starter in my car right now and he did get a tire fixed that had a leak. He also gave my car a much needed tune up. By the way, I want a different car, but I know I am not going to get one. He also changed the oil and while he was doing that he discovered I have a CV joint going out. That is something he does not have the tools to fix. Crap. I don't like having issues with my vehicle. I don't like waiting to see if it does this or that because it means whatever. I want to know that I am safe and it will take me where ever I need to go. I am suggesting that we get rid of both our "big" vehicles and one something different that I drive. Remember, he got that car that is so much more gas efficient to drive around, right? Only one big car payment instead of two moderately large. Only one costly vehicle to insure. Only one gas hog. Hopefully, I could still get something larger that could still be better on fuel that what I am driving. (my gas mileage should get better now, I am told).

We have made it without me once having wanted to kill my husband, for the most part. We did have a HUGE fight where he brought up divorce and threatened to leave. We are pasted that now. I didn't get it when it happened. He was really flying off. Now I do get it. He is really upset about his pay. He sees me worrying about money and he feels like he isn't a good enough husband. He knows I want nothing more than to stay home with Jake and he wishes he could do more so that I can. I told him I know it isn't going to happen. He feels bad too that Jake is going to a germ factory. He wishes Jake had a grandma or aunt that could take care of him. (I don't think he knows that my sister has said if we move down by her she would take care of Jake.)

I know he couldn't get done what he wanted this week because he was watching Jake, but that was fine. He could have done more last week because he got almost nothing done then. I understand though that sometimes you need some down time. I also know that he gets more down time than just about anyone. Oddly, it still isn't a big deal to me! Maybe he is slipping me some valium or something. He did let his mom watch Jake on Friday instead of sending him back to daycare of watching him himself. (that is when my car did finally get worked on) Then he kicked himself and was mad that he didn't watch Jake himself. Poor little Jakey's bottom got burned. He is on antibiotics, of course (again!), and Grandma and Grandpa let him sit in a dirty diaper for awhile before they figured out why he was so upset. Mike thinks at least half an hour because he spent part of the time on the phone with his dad and was the one that told them to check his diaper. Well, he screamed so much that grandma stopped cleaning him up!?! His little bottom was clean, but his other parts still had that acidic pooh on them when Mike we got home. He picked Jake up before he picked me up from work. Jake screamed and I cried as we tried to clean him up. Mike was just furious. He was mad at his mom and mad at himself for not taking care of his son himself that day. Poor baby had blisters. It is finally doing better today. It just takes minutes for his sensitive little skin to get sore. Mike calmed down and explained to her to use a washclothe and squeeze water over it or even rinse him in the sink or tub with tempid water, but for God sakes get it all off! Mike felt so bad. I'm sure his mom did too. He went outside for that phone conversation...

I have been wanting to put a weight loss counter up but I haven't yet, obviously. That means I am acknowledging I have a problem and am seriously taking steps to fix it. I am still dragging my feet and am just kind of trying to take off the extra butt and gut I am carrying around. I haven't stepped on the scale in awhile and I sucked it up today and did it. You see, that is another one of the reasons I dread Mike's vacation. I don't eat as well when he is home all the time as I do when he is gone. He is such a picky eater and we eat so much more junk when he is home. When he is gone, I eat a more like I know I need to. I only looked with one eye because I thought it might soften the blow. I couldn't belive what I saw! I usually weigh myself first thing in the morning before I eat or drink and that wasn't true today and I still saw a number that didn't ups
et me. I mean it was still terrible, but I thought it would be five pounds heavier! So, I don't have it in my today, but I will put up a counter. I have to. I need to be a healthier me for that little boy that sounds like he is waking up. I have someone I am responsible for now and I need to be there for him. I need to be able to do all the things he needs me to do. I need to be able to crawl around and play with him. I need to be able to chase after him. I don't want there to be a chance that he is embarrassed because he as a fat mom. I don't want him to think his mom is fat and I don't want him to be an unhealthy weight. I need to be an example of leading a healthy life, right?

For heaven's sake when will the spell check work!! It is well know that I am "a creative" speller!!!