Insomnia

Insomnia is something I have had trouble with since my hormones started changing with puberty. By the time I was ten or eleven I had some trouble. By fourteen it was significant. I went on medication that I took for about five years straight, but I had these terrible headaches. I get a lot of migraines, but I get a lot - A LOT - of other headaches. My doctor thought that medication was the problem and when I stopped taking it my headaches improved significantly. I tried a different medication that didn't work as well and left me feeling hungover in the mornings. So then I was on my own. I did alright for awhile but a number of years later I went back on medication #1. I don't remember how long I took it again before I stopped but I did.

I have done pretty well for a number of years. I started having trouble before the wedding. I would have a few nights where I would hardly get any sleep at all. I tried some of the new medications that I seen advertised but had no relief. I was very disappointed. For a long time I kept thinking there were all these new medicines that could help me if my insomnia got bad again. That made me feel almost relieved. I lived believing that there would be help if I needed it again. Here I am at 0226 in the morning wide awake. Tonight was a bit more of choice that some nights, but this is a problem again. I was on call for work Wednesday and I was trying to get work done in my house since dinner was at my house on Thursday. I didn't sleep at all that night. I had to stay late at work, then I had to go back to finish the addons (the surgeries that get added in the day). Then I had to go in for a trauma at a little before 0300. I was still cleaning in my bathroom when the phone rang. We had seen (Mike saw, I heard) the helicopter go out at about 0100. Mike always assumes that that means I will have to go to work, but I tried to convince him that isn't always true. We do hospital-to-hospital transfers quite often. However, I did suspect he would be right, like he was. Some not-so-intelligent person under the influence of alcohol tried to get in the house and his wife didn't want his drunk self there so she locked him out. He decided to go through a window and severed the great big artery in his arm. He got the nerve next to it as an added bonus. What fun.

I was able to go home at 0730, not because we were finished but because my call ended at 0700. I came home and had to finish thawing my turkey. I had to get my house cleaned up and get myself cleaned up and, oh yeah, cook. It was not one of my best days. I went to bed at about 1900. No nap or anything. Smart huh?

In the last two weeks, I think I have had four nights where I have had little or no sleep. I don't drink caffeine after 1600. I have been drinking caffeine more and more in the mornings now. I turned 30 and now I have to drink coffee. This is sad. I am just so tired, but there is no sleep.

I heard the dryer buzz. I couldn't go to sleep tonight until I had some clean pants for my husband to wear to work. I think I am off the hook now.