Grouchy me

I am tired. I don't know how some people do it. I worked 19 hours Saturday and then slept until noon on Sunday. I got up and read the paper and then I was able to take my first bath in my new tub. The bathroom still isn't finished. We still have the walls to finish sanding, then prime, then paint. Then the new floor has to go in. One of my coworkers came to work yesterday said demo was starting her bathroom that morning. When we came back at 1930 she said she had a new tub, shower, and walls already in. I wanted to puke.

I got to leave work early today since we worked into the night last night. My room was one of only three actually running and there were a dozen people standing or sitting around so I said I was ready to go and shockingly was allowed to do such. I came home and sanded in the bathroom to help take out some of my frustrations. It did help. Today, someone with five less years experience, was aloud to start cross training. I am none too happy. I would like to this if I knew what the rules were going in. The rules have a funny way of changing where I work depending upon what your name is and how much you whine or bitch. I am mad. I am plain old mad. I feel like this should be offered to the more experienced staff first and if they don't want it, then it should be offered to the next in line and so forth. There are two people ahead of me in the ladder that should have been asked first. Who the hell am I anyway?

I need to find a different job. I have locked myself into a specialty that is hard to get out of. I knew it would be going in. I like what I do. I am good at what I do. I am very frustrated with how things are run. If circumstances were different I would just go somewhere else and see how long it took me to get sick of how they do things. There is something that I would really like to do. It isn't actually a job now, but if I present it well enough I bet I could make it happen. There are a couple of issues though. First I would have to get this cross training that was not offered to me and second it would take sometime.

I just feel tired, angry, sad, frustrated, weepy, crabby, and all sorts of other bad things a lot of the time. I don't have enough separation between work and not work. I want so badly to get pregnant. I have been dealing with all these hormones that a nice little bcp has leveled out for me for half of my life. This has definitely impaired my ability to cope. I want Mike to be done with this stupid training. He thinks he is going to be forced back into his old job tomorrow through New Years. That sucks and yet it doesn't. That means it will be that much longer before he is done, but he will actually make some money. That has put a terrible strain on me. I have to compete with this person at work who has pissed me off so much for the extra call. Call has been so horrendous lately, yet I still seek more.

There has been one good thing. I have a new student that is wonderful. She has worked in my department for about four years. This weekend when we were scrambling like mad she was a godsend! She could help me comb the department for things we needed. She could run in one direction while I ran in the other to procure the items in need. I love having her. She is interested it what is going on. She listens to what I tell her. I just love her. There is one problem. She is only with me for 174hours. I have already used up the 74 hours in the last nine days. I don't want to give her back. After four years of being promised we would have a job for her, now the boss says she may not. After four years of good work she maybe rewarded with no job. This makes me mad(der).

My shoulder has been killing me these past few days, so I think I will go knit to keep my hands busy instead of sanding.