Sunday

Jake and I went to church today. I haven't been going much because church is at 9:30. Nap time is basically the same time. I know there is a nursery but I don't want to leave him there. He spends at least nine hours a day in that area of our church and on one of my two days a week that I get him to myself (meaning no daycare) I don't want to leave him there. There was a special service today celebrating the organ player. He has been playing at the church for twenty years and he is wonderful. So we went. Jake loves music. He bounced around to that organ while I was pregnant and he likes it still.

Today these twin girls came and sat in the row behind us with their great grandparents, grandma and mom (who is four or five months pregnant). The twins are one week older than Jake. They came about six weeks early and were born on my due date. So there were lots of baby noises in our area. The girls were noisy at a low level constantly. Jake made some noise but a couple of times he was very noisy. I got up and took him out. We went out in the fellowship hall and I let him crawl around for awhile and then things were better. When the service was over I had two people very rudely tell me that the church has a crying room and they provide a nursery for a reason. I was shocked. We also had countless people tell us how glad they are to hear the youth of the church. Our congregation is pretty old. I would say the average age is probably about 65 - of those at the service it might even be older. They keep having meetings and trying all sorts of things to bring in younger people and families. Anyway I didn't hear anyone say a thing to the family of the twins. I am pretty upset about this. I try to be considerate of others. I know there is nothing more annoying than trying to listen and someone is letting their kid scream. That is why I take mine out. How are kids supposed to learn if they don't practice? I obviously don't mean children as young as Jake.

This really upset me. I don't know if these people thought all of the noise was coming from my child or not. One of my coworkers keeps inviting me to come to services at her church. They have a new minister. It is the Methodist church in the town that I now live in as opposed to the Methodist church that I go to in the town we used to live in. The two towns are connected and I actually probably live farther from the church in this town than the other church. But now I am really tempted to go. The one problem is that service is still at 9:30. She did say that when school starts the time changes and I'm pretty sure she said at 10:30 or 11 so that would be better. I don't know. My best friend's daughter was there with me for one of the people and she was also horrified. The next thing you know her grandpa was told and grandpa is one of the pillars of the church. He wanted to know exactly who those people were and he wanted to have words with them. I didn't tell him. I actually didn't know who the one fellow was. But anyway...

So that has had me down all day. We went shopping after church, like everyone else in town, and that was a horrible experience. I ended up spending over three hundred dollars and it didn't seem like I got that much stuff. I did buy formula though and thank goodness I have been able to breast feed this long!!! The nurse at the allergist's office said Jake would need to drink rice milk and I assumed we could start that at age one. I have been drinking it and using it on cereal since that appointment but it very plainly says not to give to children under the age of 5 without consulting a doctor. So I need to double check at our next appointment which is just before Jake's first birthday. It seems as though I might have typed this before... Anyway, I sure hope we can give him the rice milk because it is a lot cheaper and a whole lot less stinky than Nutramigen! I haven't blamed Jake for not wanting to drink that stuff.

I mentioned in my last post we have had a rough week. I kept telling them at daycare he was teething. They kept telling me they thought he had another ear infection. He does have a nasty nose and he is pulling his ears but both of those can go with teething. I keep telling them that the doctor said he will pull his ears for a long time and that it is now a habit not just a sign of an ear issue. Well his eye teeth broke through. He now has twelve!!! teeth through the gums. He still has a big blood blister over one of his molars that he is working on. Now I'm just wondering if it will make it through before he turns one or not. This child will be able to have steak at his own first birthday party!!!

Big weekend

Getting out of town was a good thing to do. I don't go do it enough. It was really nice that my sister and nephews could come up. I don't get to see my nephews enough and I certainly want the cousins to get to know on another. My nephews really enjoyed trying to teach Jake things to say or noises to make and he thought they were great.

Jake is not the best traveler. He slept most of the way down, but not all of it. He woke up as I was getting into heavier traffic and cried the last forty five miles or so. It was great. Traffic, screaming baby. Two of my favorite things. Actually traffic wasn't that bad and I took the back way down on a toll road so traffic was actually pretty light. It was worth the 34 miles of tolls! I went home on the interstate and it was horrible. I had more than fifty miles of construction and at one point the traffic completely stopped. That was about twenty five miles north of Denver so it wasn't even in the city. I'm not even sure why we were stopped. I watched vehicle after vehicle take the ditch and go over to the frontage road. After about 20 minutes I did the same thing. I probably would have been there between a half hour and hour if I hadn't so I was glad I did. So in the midst of this standing still on the way home Jake woke up so that made it even worse. He eventually settled down and played some.

We stayed in a pretty nice place. We had a full kitchen, two bedrooms, two bathrooms and then a living room with fire place and of course a sofa bed so it worked well for all of us. We were able to easily get carry out and have all the boys sitting at a table to eat. It was great and we didn't have to spend so much time waiting and it was less expensive since we didn't have drinks and tip. Plus there wasn't any whining in a restaurant to put up with.

Jake got to go on his first train ride followed by his first bus ride all to get us to the zoo. We spent six hours at the zoo and it was great. I haven't been to the Denver Zoo since I was in high school. I don't think it was the most exciting thing for Jake though because he could hardly see anything. We did get some nice up close and personal views of the lions and he liked that. He says "kitty" pretty well and now he can roar like a lion. That and make monkey noises. My youngest nephew has the tendency to wander off and that kept being a problem because there were a ton of people there. The hard part was taking the bus and train back, especially because we missed catching a bus by about two minutes and then we had to wait for 20 minutes and everyone was so tired.

We went to the Children's Museum the next day and I wasn't sure what to expect but I think everyone really had a good time. I don't think my sister was thinking her boys were going to enjoy it as much as they did, but they sure did. It had more stuff to do than we expected. There was even a nice area for the littlest guys and that was great. Jake loved it. He had a huge fit when I took him out of the baby area to go find his cousins. We even went back later while they were doing some other stuff and he was just happy as can be.

I got a little bit of shopping in and got some things we needed. I was able to go to a grocery store where I could get some things for Jake that I found on a few allergy websites. It was nice to not have to pay the higher prices and shipping! Now we will just have to try some of these things and see if he will eat them.

My sister brought me tons of stuff. I could barely get Jake and I into the SUV. She brought us a picnic table for Jake, another car seat, a little bike for him, a little grocery cart, books, toys, and bags and bags of clothes. I bought four big tubs to put the clothes in and they just fit. They are a bit big for now but it is going to be great to have so many really nice clothes when we get to 3T and up. We are practically set which is nice.

Jakey got to go swimming for the first time and LOVED it. He was kicking around and just having a ball. We were in the pool for a bit and his lips starting getting blue so I took him out. I wrapped him up and less than five minutes later he was trying to get away from me to get himself back into the water.

The week has been hard though. It has been really busy and we have had a couple of really bad nights. One big thing has changed and I'm not sure how I am dealing with it. Jake has started taking formula. They kept offering it to him at daycare and all the sudden this week he stopped throwing the bottle back at them. This is good since my milk supply (both my personal one and the one it the freezer) is diminishing. It is really hard though. In some respects I am excited. I am tired of being a slave to the breast pump. But this is also something I could do for him that no one else could. So it is making me sad. Part of me wants to keep going for a long time and another part of me is wanting to skip the weening and just be done with it all. I am looking forward to being able to have some peanut butter or peanuts and when I am not at home. To add to my week I have been a touch hormonal. AF stopped by for the first time since having Jake. I feel like all my moodiness from all the missed months has been saving up for this visit. Mike says I'm not that bad, but he values his life and body parts so he might lie.

I just keep wonder what happened to my baby because I suddenly have a little boy. I wonder when he will be

walking. He will walk holding only one of my hands. He has been pushin

g around the cart my sister brought as well as another toy he has and it is killing me. I know he is still using assistance but to see him moving upright without a person is really something. It scares me too. I keep looking around and wondering what he will get into, trip over, bonk, grap, or even worse, climb, next.

We are outta here - almost

We never go anywhere. Our jobs don't allow us much freedom to escape. This weekend Jake and I are making a break for it though. We are driving down to Denver tomorrow and my sister and her boys are driving up. Jake hasn't gone on an overnight stay away before. (we stayed over at my inlaws once but it was because I was on call). I am so glad to get out of town. I have been looking forward to this for quite awhile.

I don't know how much stuff to take with us though. I hope I get it right (I always pack too much). My sister is loading her SUV with stuff to pass on to us so we have to have plenty of room in the back. I love free stuff. I am a bit worried about the trip, however. Jake has been screaming a lot riding in the car and that is just around town. At first I thought he didn't like his new car seat and then it seemed to be fine. I am wondering again if there is something uncomfortable about this not inexpensive car seat.

I wish Mike was able to get out of town with us but it is no husbands. Not that he could get away anyway. He has made all these promises about what he is going to accomplish while we are gone. I am hopeful that he will get half of what he has said done. The garage is still completely packed with stuff - some that we actively need, but I can't physically get to it. There are cabinets up in the garage that he is going to take down to make room for his work bench and he has promised he will put them in the laundry room. I want that more than anything. There is no storage in our laundry room and I want to be able to put the soap and the rest of the household cleaners there, up out of a little boy's reach. I was able to type "little boy" without crying. He is growing up so fast! You can even see one of his molars in this picture.

I haven't seen my sister or nephews since Christmas so I am excited to see them. We are all going to stay in the same suite so we are going to get our share of each other really fast. Jake is such a terrible sleeper. I hope the boys don't keep him up and then in turn he keeps them up. I am excited and my car is even fixed. It had to have some work done that Mike couldn't get the parts to fix without going through the dealer and they flat out told us they would charge us this horrendous amount for the part to buy, but if they fixed it wouldn't cost anywhere as much. Does that make any sense at all??? It cost half what they quoted us for the part to have them fix it and put in the exact same part. I don't get it.

2 years

Today is our second wedding anniversary. Our lives have changed so much. Mine more than Mike's. I'm a little worried that Mike is afraid to take care of Jake on his own. I had to work last night and Mike took Jake over to his parents' house as soon as I left. He stayed there with Jake most of the time but Grandma fed him and changed his diaper. Mike said he played with him most of the time, but I worry about that.

But anyway, two years and we have been together just shy of ten years. There were lots of times I never thought we wouldn't make to this point. Wow! I wonder if this is what Mike saw for himself ten years ago. I will have to ask him.

Happy Fourth of July!!!

Happy July 4th (at least it was still the 4th when I started this). This has always been one of my favorite holidays. I'm not entirely sure why, but I would say it is probably because it was one of the time all my family would get together at my grandma's house. We would at Easter too and that wasn't such a big deal to me. I don't know but the 4th was almost as big as Christmas and honestly it might be my favorite holiday now. (I tend to get sad at Christmas because I miss those family get-togethers so much).

I happen to live in a state that allows fireworks so things have been nuts around here. I don't know how people can afford to set them off every night but some of the neighbors seem to. That isn't so great when the baby is trying to sleep and at 10pm the people across the street are lighting up the roll of 500 fire crackers! The law is that you are supposed to stop at 10 except for on the 4th when you can go until midnight. That law is hardly enforced. How can they? Mostly the police just try to keep people hurting themselves. So those of us who keep early hours suffer for a week or ten days (I don't remember how early they are allowed).

We usually get fireworks for just the fourth but Mike knew he would have to go to work some time tonight so he got some last night instead. We never go nuts like some people, but we spend our money where it matters. He always does such a good job. The way he arranges them and sets them off really is outstanding. Most years he uses a cigar to light them, but this year he impressed everyone by using his portable blow torch. (you may notice I said his portable blow torch - he does have one that is not easily portable. why?) So it was funny, there were people across the street setting some off from their backyard but they stopped and watched Mike's display and continued with theirs. The people directly across the street came out after a few minutes and sat and watched. It was funny because last night was the only night they didn't have any of their own (dad was at work). I just couldn't help but think that the neighbors should just get together and have a really nice display all at once.

We are still working on getting settled. I hate it and can't wait until the last of the boxes is unpacked. There are two things apparent to me. The first is that we have too much crap and the second is that I just don't have enough time to unpack stuff and spend quality time with Jake. So things are getting slowly unpacked. We are very happy that we are down to just one place as of the first of the month. We were still cleaning and having to take care of the yard there so now we can focus all of our attention here.

Jake took two really good naps today so I was able to get some work done. I finally have only one box in my kitchen that is full and it isn't going to be unpacked for awhile. We still have some kitchen boxes in the basement but things are looking much, much better. I took a load of collapsed boxes out to the trash in the alley and there was a party going on at the neighbors. I was walking back to my yard and someone yelled my name. It turns out the "dumba**es that are putting their fence up wrong" (according to Mike) across the alley are family of one of my friend's/coworkers. Her stepson, his wife and their baby moved there a few months ago. I didn't know. They were having the baby's first birthday party. My friend came over and wanted to know where Jake was and I told her he was napping. She said she would really like to see him and she would love for me to bring him over when he woke up. So when he woke up later I called her phone. She didn't answer and I kind of peaked at what was going on. Things had quieted down so I thought they were finishing up, no big deal. Well she called me back and said to bring that baby over right away. I thought we were just going to the fence so she could see him and show her husband because he hasn't seen him in a long time. She holds him and says come on in. I felt a bit uneasy about that. I was dressed in my grungy clothes and I didn't want to crash the party. The next thing I know that is exactly what we did. There were tons of people there and several that I know. In know time flat Jake is settled in on "Grandpa Dave's" knee and they are getting ready to open presents. So we watched. I didn't know how to make an exit. I felt bad. I got a less than pleased look from the baby's mom and from the other grandma. It just so happens the other grandma is a nurse at the hospital in OB. We ate no food and consumed no beverages, but I still feel bad. I am thinking that we will go and get a small gift and drop it off and apologize for crashing a baby party. Our boys are the same age and live right across the alley. I want to get off on the right foot! I just hope Mike hasn't done something stupid also.

So we came home and ate dinner and then when it came time, we went to my best friend's parents' house. They live about one block from where the town's firework display is set off. Her parents where gone but we still hung out there. I was amazed at Jake's reactions. He wasn't scared at all! He sat on Aunt Jojo's knee or her daughter's the whole time and watched. People were setting them off everywhere, including Joy's husband. I mean right there and he just loved it. I thought he would cry at the noise or be startled, but no, not one bit!! He even loved the sparklers we did at the end. I couldn't believe he stayed up so late either! He had a ball. I'm just sad Mike couldn't have been there to see it.

One of my coworkers had a baby yesterday and I thought I would make her dinner. That is the thing that I appreciated the most when I had Jake. I'm not sure what

to make. She has a two and half year old. I don't want to make something totally wrong. If

I ask her what she would like me to make she will tell me not to make anything. Any suggestions?

I took all of these pictures today. It was our progression through the day. The two pictures with Molly were taken at different times. She is so good with Jake!

Not there yet

Well, we are mostly moved in. We have a bit of stuff left at the other house. Now we are living in mountains of boxes. I have been trying to unpack but it is hard. Tomorrow is my day off but I need to go work on getting more junk out and cleaning! We have tons of cleaning to do. I can't wait until it is down to just one house and just one mess. We can't even start adjusting because we can't find anything.

Are we done yet?

The answer is no. We are not done moving yet. We have moved tons of boxes and crap, I mean stuff over to the house but no furniture in place. That comes this Saturday and I can hardly wait.



I'm trying to figure out where I want everything and how I want to put everything away. I am not going to sleep well until the last box has been unpacked or put to storage in its proper home. I'm a bit OCD like that. I'm not a neat freak by any means, but it makes me anxious to know all my stuff is everywhere and no where at the same time. I've got to know where my stuff is!!!



Jake is being a little monster. We have been helping a coworker of mine out some lately. She is caring for her granddaughter for an undetermined amount of time. This sweet little girl is a couple of months younger than Jake and goes to the same daycare. I have been picking her up and keeping her when grandma has to work late shifts. This little girls is just a dream. Jake likes her and frequently behaves better when she is around, like he has to impress her or something. Well, I picked them both up today and she played quietly in the car on the way home and Jake screamed. I don't mean cried, I mean SCREAMED for almost twenty minutes. I could find no reason. Nothing was pinching him or too tight. He is just a giant crab. He is working on both of his bottom first year molars and it is going to kill me. Both sides of the gum are swollen to crazy amounts and have giant blisters. They aren't blood blisters like the first two but they are still ugly. He isn't eating worth a darn. I don't know what to try to give him.

He has been a terrible stinker about taking his allergy medicine too. He just hates getting medicine. It is a battle to get any in his mouth. I draw up 1.5 doses and hope he swallows half of that. His skin has been worse lately, but I have been eating things I shouldn't I haven't been able to give up dairy completely. I love dairy. My mom brought some brownies last week and they were loaded with eggs. On top of that, Mike brought home a container of my favorite ice cream. That is my weakness. I love ice cream. So I think the worsening of Jake's skin is because of that. I have felt so bad that I am doing much much better about what I am eating. I feel guilty that I am making his skin itch.

Update

Jake is doing so much better. He is happy and ornery. I love it. He is still teething and drooling like a fool. We are doing better on the tantrums. He realizes that I'm putting him back to bed now.

Some changes have happened at daycare. One of the women is no longer there as of the end of last week. She could be a bit difficult. She liked knowing things and not sharing that information - like my son's allergies. She liked doing things her way, even if that isn't how the daycare wanted it done. My son liked her. I liked her, yet was afraid of her. I knew I didn't want to tick her off. One day she was there, the next she wasn't. Okay. So two girls - her kids were high school age - took her place. One seems eerily nice. She is always smiling and just loves babies. That is good. She just gives me the creeps a little. She just always seems to be about two feet away from me and she is tiny and startles me. You don't see her coming. She is just suddenly there smiling up at you. This isn't bad, I know. My son seems to like her. The other girl... not so happy with. I don't know if she still works there even. She started Monday. She was there with the director when I got there and she seemed fine. Tuesday morning I got there and no one was there. I didn't have a clue what to do. I didn't know a number to call. I was panicking. I called my husband. He was in bed but was going to drag himself down to wait so I could go to work. When she got there it wouldn't have been pretty. She showed about five minutes later. The fog was bad and she had to come from about forty miles away. Not okay, but... what can I do. Yesterday we had to wait but she was there to unlock the door at 6. Today? Nothing. No one!!! I got the number for the director after what happened Tuesday. I called her and said there is no one here at 0610. The church was unlocked because the men's group has a breakfast and bible study on Thursday mornings. I went to see who was there. My best friend's dad and the husband of one of my L&D nurses were two of the men there. They said they could watch him. (their faces lit up when they saw us). They were worried about me getting to work on time and they said they would be happy to take Jake until someone got here. (I actually called the director after I saw them the first time). In the mean time, one of my coworkers showed up with her granddaughter who is six and a half months old. We talked to the director and waited until we couldn't wait any longer and left the babies with the men. The director chewed out my coworker for our doing that. I don't think she understood how well we know these men. I barely made it to work on time. We get severely penalized for being one minute late.

So what will tomorrow bring? We will see. Thank goodness we go an hour later. I think I might blow a gasket if there is no one there again. I NEVER once had that problem with the other woman. Not once, not even when the weather was awful.

Must keep packing. We were hoping to make the move this weekend, but that isn't going to work out. We can move boxes to the garage and the basement, but the carpets have to be cleaned still :( Not what we were hoping for. It will probably rain anyway.

Nine months old!

Jake is nine months old today and I can't believe it. Guess how we spent our day? Waiting, waiting and waiting some more. To make it even more fun, we were waiting on an empty stomach. Jake had tubes put in his ears today. The doctor was almost three hours behind schedule. I thought it was going to be bad to have to wait with a baby until 11am for surgery. Well that is nothing compared to waiting until almost 2pm with a hungry baby for surgery. I would have rescheduled, but this is the only time I could get it in for the next six weeks. We couldn't have waited six weeks!

So it went well and he is doing better. Hopefully now we won't have to be on antibiotics all the time. Hopefully now Jake will feel better. Hopefully now Jake will put on a little weight and that will make the doctor happy. He dropped under nineteen pounds with this last bout of illness. I just can't believe my little baby is nine months old. He is going to be a year before I know it!

He is doing so many new things. He pulls up on whatever he can. He walks on his toes with help. He gets his legs into his army crawl now. My favorite new thing is what he is doing right this minute - temper tantrums!!!

Yippee!

Well, I have great news. We are moving. I am so excited except for the packing, moving, and unpacking part of it. I just can't wait to get out of this house!!!

Back in January an opportunity presented itself to us and we thought it was wonderful. A former coworker of mine approached me about renting/buying his house. We talked and he said come and see the house and we will talk. Well, right now, I have a short list of things I don't like about the house and that is it. They are also livable things that maybe someday we can take care of.

There is so much more space and we NEED it! All of the rooms are bigger than we have now. The basement is so much nicer. There are three bathrooms! The kitchen has a ton more space and the back yard is completely fenced like a normal yard. I am so looking forward to being able to put the dogs out to play. I will be able to PARK IN THE GARAGE!!!! There is central air. You can't see a breeze coming in the windows. There is insulation in the walls. I have also know the last two owners and I know they both have taken good care of the house.

I hate packing. I really, really hate packing. I have packed fifty boxes as of yesterday and you can't really see that I have done anything (if you don't open closet doors or kitchen cupboards). That is depressing. Mike took a day off to help me. He has packed a big fat zero boxes.
I have to get back to packing but I thought I would just stop and write a note. As you can see, meal time often ends in the bathtub. I think Jake makes a mess just so he can get in the tub. He cries when you take him out now and not when you put him in. Saturday was his first time playing in the yard and Mommy got out some bubbles. He wanted to get the bottle out of my hand and try and drink it. He thought the bubbles where pretty cool if he couldn't see the bottle.

Here I come!!!

Jake is a man of motion. He is all over the place now. But it is a funny crawl. It is kind of a modified army crawl. It works for him though! You have to watch out. That boy is across the room in no time. He is trying to wedge himself in the tinniest of spaces too. He sure is funny to watch. I would worry about his legs if I didn't know how well they work because they don't do much work at all in this crawl. His upper body is sure going to be strong!




He really needs a hair cut and you can tell in these pictures. His hair seems to be getting a lot thicker and growing so fast!



In the last picture you can see the glow of Ophi's eyes. There seems to be one animal or another always watching Jake move at a not too far distance. It is funny. I don't know if they are trying to see what he can do or watching to see if he is going to get into trouble. Molly is really funny because she gets behind him as he goes and if he stops she licks his head. I don't know if she is praising him or encouraging him to keep going. It is funny either way.

Birthday cake

For my birthday I had something that totally goes against everything Jake can eat. I had this lovely layered - devil's food cake, ganache, cheesecake, ganache, devil's food, slathered wit more ganache and topped this chocolate pieces. It was to die for! I ordered it from New York. It cost about as much to have it sent as the cake did and I don't care. I loved it.

However, I ate it alone. Mike was home and had been home all weekend. He took a nap all evening!!! I had to eat leftovers on my own and then eat cake on my own. I was so mad at him. He got up just in time for me to go to bed, that turkey!

At least the next day I went out with some friends after work to a Mexican restaurant and had margaritas and ponchos and leftover cake. My friends enjoyed it! That was nice at least.

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Happy Mother's Day to all! I wish this day were going a little different for us, but I am still grateful that I am a mother. Jake is sick. Again. I'm sick. AGAIN. We are waiting for the urgent care to open right now. We believe we will actually get to see a doctor today and not one of the PA's. I sure hope we don't have to see the PA we saw on Wednesday because she was a freaking pump on a log. I have gotten to cuddle Jake a lot the past few days. (he won't sleep at night unless I am holding him). Maybe it is the lack of sleep, but it still seems a bit surreal to me. This is my little baby. This IS my little boy. This is MY baby. I am so grateful to be his mother and we will make it through all these bumps in the road. We have each other.

Poor baby!

Poor Jake had allergy testing done today. Normally they do the skin testing on the back, but we couldn't. I was hoping to do blood work but they wanted immediate answers because the doctor only is in my town once a week. We would have to go back and get our results. So we had to use poor Jake's thighs to do the test because the eczema on Jake's back was too bad. They only did 17 different things I think. I was just sure he was going to be allergic to the cat and dogs but luckily he isn't. On the drive to the visit I was mentally making my plan of what to do with my animals and I was so relieved not to have to do anything!

So that was the good or even great news. It goes steeply down the mountain from there. Jake is allergic to milk, peanuts, and eggs. They had to redo some of the food tests because his reaction to eggs was so large that it covered the tests beside it. So then we had to do them on his upper arm. Those went much better. He actually fell asleep while we were waiting for those to react. But those results just confirmed the milk and peanut allergies. This sucks big time. I already knew about the milk. I figured that one out. He is still allergic to grapes but they didn't test for those. Anyway, is there a chance he could out grow these allergies???? Milk - probably. Eggs? The doctor said not likely because of the severity of the reaction. I am really, really hoping he is wrong. I do tons of baking. Eggs and dairy are in so many things. Peanuts - the doctor said he is doubtful. I feel bad for Jake, but we can work with this one. Peanut butter is one of my favorite things and I have limited it over the last year and a half because of Jake. I had some early when I was pregnant because there wasn't much protein I could eat. Now I'm told that may have been the cause. Well, if I hadn't had protein wouldn't we have more serious problems at the moment? So they (the nurse, not the doctor) tell me that soy is closely related to peanuts so we shouldn't have that either. Holy shit!!! I think she knows what she is telling me, but that means he can pretty much eat fresh veggies and fruits and meat, and then everything else has to be made at home so you can be sure what the heck is in it.

So I read the stuff they gave me. I got onto some of the websites from which the readings were obtained. I discovered that about 20% of small children with a peanut allergy will out grow it. That is better than I thought. I also read that only about 5% of the children with a peanut allergy also have trouble with soy. So this mommy is not cutting the soy yet. He doesn't even eat much but he still manages to get soy. If need be I will, but not freaking yet! Probably milk, maybe eggs, and a small possibility of peanuts. This is going to be hard for awhile but we will work it out. The doctor said he will retest in one year and see what is happening.

So what does he get to eat now? Still on breast milk, still trying not to take hypoallergenic formula, the stinker. Now I am supposed to eat around his allergies. MY LIFE WITHOUT DAIRY?!?!?!?! Awhile ago I opened the fridge door and looked around. Top shelf - yogurt, pudding, applesauce, dessert wine, milk x 2, butter sticks, spreadable butter, water, breast milk, mango baby food, and pear juice. Great. Next shelf - sour cream, cream cheese, something else dairy that I can't remember, fat free half and half, chocolate, tortillas, pizza, leftover chicken, leftover beef, and more butter. Bottom shelf - beer, eggs, a tube of breakfast sausage, more butter, applesauce, something from Mike's lunch in aluminum foil (yikes!). In the drawers - carrots, onions, garlic, cheese, cheese and more cheese, and deli ham and turkey. It was cottage cheese on that other shelf. I LOVE dairy. I can drastically limit eggs and avoid peanuts, but no dairy will kill me!

I just have to figure something out for my sweet boy's birthday cake. That is what keeps running through my mind. I know substitutes for eggs, but eggs and butter?? I have to figure something new out. Poor little guy, but hopefully we can get his skin well now. We did get daily allergy medicine, a different cream, and an epipen just in case...

It's hard

This morning was hard. We get into patterns and it is hard to deviate from the routine especially when you are only half awake when you get started. I am used to getting up in the morning and letting Lois out of his kennel first and then going to the bathroom and he would follow behind. I would pet him as I peed. Then I would let Molly out and take her for her walk. Well, we have been leaving Molly out at night the last two weeks since there have been strange things happening in the neighborhood. Besides she can handle it now. This morning it threw me off to open my bedroom door and walk out in the hall and almost trip over my giant dog. But then I went to let Lois out and I just stood there. I made Mike throw his kennel away before I came back from the vets and from taking Jake to the doctor for yet another ear infection. I just stood there. Molly nosed my hand a couple of times and snapped me back. So I went to the bathroom and took her out.

I kept going with my routine, but when I went to take a shower I stood there and held the door open and waited. Most mornings Lois would beat me to the bathroom for my shower but sometimes he would be behind, but either way he had to be in the bathroom while I was taking a shower. I don't know why but for all the years I had him this was a pattern he set. He used to have to check on me by peaking in the back of the shower but he stopped doing that regularly a few years back. It hit me really hard this morning when he didn't come that he would never be there again. I got in the shower and cried. Mike doesn't understand. He has always had a dog around but he doesn't form the attachment and the bond that I do. But the animals don't bond to him so much either.

I know there are animal people and there are people who don't like animals. There isn't a whole lot of middle ground. I know there are people who love dogs and can't see what a person could possibly see in a cat. There are some people like me who love them both and other animals too. It is hard for nonpet people to understand that it is very much like losing a human member of your family. I just miss him. I know I needed to do this but I was really hoping he would be one of those cats that lives into their twenties. Lois was the kind of cat that people that hate cats don't mind so much. He was really good with people. One of the things that is so hard now is that whenever I was upset he would try to comfort me. Now I don't have that.

Goodbye my friend

I had to do something very difficult today. I had to put a cat to sleep. Lois, a male cat, has been sick for awhile. He had digestive problems and he kept losing weight. A couple of days ago, Mike yelled at Lolo to get down. I fell asleep rocking Jake. I looked around because I thought he was up on a table or on Jake's jumper or something (he liked to go places he knew he wasn't allowed to go). Mike told him to get down again and at that point I realized he was on me. He was so light that I could not feel his weight on me at all.

He was a good cat with an ornery streak. He came to me when he was about 2 years old. It was when his first owner took him to be neutered that they learned he had been incorrectly named for his gender. When I got up the very first morning he had living in my house, I found him hanging in the curtains. He was snagged up in the sheers and the rod and bent in a V. He was fat then. He wasn't used to other cats and it took a bit of adjusting for him to fit be comfortable in my home. There were three cats then. If you scolded him at all it deeply hurt his feelings and he would hold a grudge something awful. I got a kitten two weeks before Lois came to live with me and very quickly they formed a bond. He raised her. He let her "nurse" on him. She actually found a teet and suckled. He groomed her and played with her.

He was very playful. He loved to lay on you. He was very friendly. He loved to greet guests. He always reached out and touched you with a paw to get your attention. He would get on your lap and then he would very slowly work his way up so that he was up as high as he could be on you. He was a bit sneaky and thought you wouldn't notice what he was doing. I got another kitten shortly after I had to put my oldest cat to sleep. Lois raised her also. She was a little pistol and went to live with my mom. She still sucked on Lois even though she was five. She sucked a clump of fur on his chest. She would come push up to his chest and he would groom her. He was a care taker. He even gave his people a bath. I was very sad when I had to start closing him out of the bedroom after Mike came to live with us. I didn't think it was fair because the cats had been there first, but Mike claimed to be allergic to cats.

Good bye my dear friend, Lois. You will always be in my heart. I am sad that Jake didn't get to know you better. You were so good with kids. I love you and I'm sorry.

My boy!

I can't believe how fast he is growing! We seem to take two steps forward and one step back though. He will do well with his sleeping and then like this weekend he will be horrible about going to sleep at night. Then he will SCREAM in his crib so hard he makes himself sick. Mommy is so tired. He got me up at three and I was finally able to go back to sleep about 3:50 but my alarm went off at 4:20. Mommy has been the walking dead today. She should be in bed because Jake is actually still in his bed.

He has cried and fussed a ton too. He doesn't want to be put down unless it is in a shopping cart or stroller. Then you have to keep them moving. He will play for awhile and then stop and cry at you. He is really yanking my hair again right now and gets my glasses off as soon as he can get anywhere near my face.

He is growing and changing so much though. He does sit and plat with more complex toys. He still doesn't crawl yet but he is so close. He will scoot backwards or turn in circles on the floor until he gets where he wants to be.

He hasn't gotten any more teeth, but I think he is working on it. So I think that was some of the problem this weekend. That and he was having trouble being constipated. Now that he is eating so much he is having a little trouble. Baby food with meat seems to be the worst.

He hardly takes his pacifier anymore. He does chew and suck his left thumb a lot now. My mom is just going to eat that up. She wants him to be left handed. I wouldn't mind it just because I am so left handed. It is easier for me to help and teach left handed.

I can hardly keep my eyes open. I have to go take the dogs out before I start drooling!

Where to shop???

We are finally getting Jake baptized. I asked the minister and asked her and she kept telling me it was only worked into certain services on certain Sundays. I asked her again and she said we could do it whenever we wanted, any Sunday at all. ???? Okay, whatever. We are doing it Mother's Day. I need something for him to wear. I want something nice but not one of those little white suits. I can't find anything nice in town and I have looked at more than a dozen different websites. No luck. Any suggestions???

1 year

One year ago today I woke up with the terrible stiff neck because I thought I had slept funny. I never imagined when I got up that morning what was in store for me. The function hasn't returned completely, like they were just sure it would and I still have pain and spasticity. It is a lot better now that I am taking the medicine the Physiatrist prescribed. However, the medications (he gave me two) have a lot of side effects so far that I am not happy with.

The Physiatrist was very nice at least. He had a lot of answers for me. I didn't like them all and it has put me in my funk. The drugs he "gave" me make me sleepy, clumsy, crabby, make my vision blurry, make my ankles and feet swell, and I have trouble speaking sometimes. But the most common side effect is severe dizziness and I haven't had that. I was mildly dizzy a couple of times but not bad at all. Not what I was expecting. He told me a dozen times or more not to stop taking the drugs because the side effects will get better. I sure hope so because I am covered with bruises and there are times it is all I can do to get up out of a chair because I am so sleepy. Great for work and taking care of baby!!

My face probably won't get any better as far as strength and movement, but it isn't too bad actually. Most people wouldn't notice or they might just think I was a bit weird (so they would be right). My mouth still raises when I close my right eye or if I raise my left eyebrow. But I can raise my left eyebrow. Not independently of the right, but not everyone can do that anyway. The pain is not the same nerve that goes with the paralysis. The two nerves run parallel and most people don't have problems with the Trigeminal nerve when they have Bell's Palsy, but I get to be lucky. I ended up with Trigeminal Neuralgia. We don't know what will happen yet. We don't know how long I will need to take medication, but hopefully not forever. At least I can smile at my son. I'll just keep with it. What else can I do?

walk

I took Jake for a long walk today. The weather was nice at our house, a bit windy, but still 65 degrees. I took him to this really nice walking path we have that follows the river we have. It is about five miles, maybe, from our house. The wind was so horrible I could barely push the stroller. Jake was all snug and warm and thought it was a great trip.

There are so many geese right now and they are all nesting. I can't tell you how many places I saw just the head of a female sticking out of some brush or grass or something and ten or so feet away there was the male standing guard, protecting his family. I don't know why but it really struck me to see how protective the papas were of their mates and those little eggs.

I remember being taught that geese are monogamous and frequently don't even seek another mate if something happens to theirs. For some reason I find this to be terribly romantic. But I remember hearing some scientist say some time ago that they did DNA studies on different groups of geese and actually found that wasn't exactly true. He said that they found more than one father to the eggs under the females. He said promiscuity was rampant. I remember just hating that man and wanting to know why they felt the need to study this.

So now when I see the father standing guard over his mate, I still try to think of them as mates for life and that he would do anything for her. I like the romantic version so much better!

Pictures

I have been struggling a little bit. I just seem to be having a hard time with everything. Amazingly I just don't want to talk about it. Or maybe I just don't know what to say.

Jake's six month - turned into seven month - pictures are back already. I was thinking it was going to take extra time because she was unexpectedly gone a week and instead we had our slide show in 1 week. She tells you ten to fourteen days normally and I was thinking closer to three weeks this time, so I got a pleasant surprise today. I will share the pictures, but I wish I could edit them. I don't even recognized the person in those pictures. In most of them you can't really tell my face still has problems. I can of course, but I just can't believe that fat face is me. I guess I haven't gotten used to the person I have become. That means I need to change it right? I need to because I have gained ten pounds in the six weeks. I guess the pictures don't lie.

http://www.kellyhighbyphotography.com/slideshows/

The password is "jacobc"

I do like them though. Jake wasn't cooperative for long, but there are some that are still pretty cute.

Right, Mom!

I made a bottle of formula for Jake this morning. It isn't the kind the doctor recommended, but it was one we had samples of at home. I had it ready when I went to get him out of bed. (it was my bed btw. He woke up in the night and was hungry so I just brought him to bed so I could sleep and he could eat and sleep to his heart's content). I got him up, checked the diaper and sat down to give him the bottle. He is very independent about the bottle for anyone else who gives him one so I handed it to him. He lifted it to his nose and sniffed it. Then he licked it. The promptly turned it over and handed it back to me. He was having none of it! I offered it to him two more times as I was getting ready and he refused in no uncertain terms. That made me feel better about trying to wean him!!!

I don't know what is wrong with me. This week was terrible and I just seem to be in a funk. Jake finally seems to be feeling better. He went back to daycare on Thursday. He still had diarhea, but he hadn't vomited since Tuesday I think. He ended up going to the doctor Monday and Tuesday. Three visits from Wednesday to the next Tuesday. That is worse than when we first brought him home! Oh well, you have to take care of your baby and if you think there is something wrong you take him back again and again. He is refluxing now which he has not had a problem with before now. Hopefully it will be better in the next few days.





I have had a lot of pain in my face and that doesn't really help. I have a doctor's appointment Tuesday to see if there is anything that can be done. I'm pretty sure whatever they want to do to me will have to wait until I am done breast feeding. So I think it is time to start weaning the baby, even though the doctor doesn't want me to. Mike and I talked about it as I was feeding Jake, of course, and I started bawling. He seemed to understand it better than I. I mean I guess once I stop that is it, we won't ever be doing that again. I was reading some information on some site about weaning and they said it could take many months!!! I don't think I can wait that long. I was hoping we could have it successfully completed in four weeks or less. Depending on what they do to me or give me, it just may not be a safe option. So I am having mixed emotions. I am planning on Wednesday being the day we start the process. Tuesday is when I have my appointment. I'm just not entirely sure how to start. I have read a few different approaches and I going to go talk to our lactation specialist on Monday to see what she has to say.





I have been so stinking tired. I think the headaches are making worse, that and the sick baby I have had to get up with many many times. Thursday night I fell asleep in the chair. I needed to nap for a few minutes before I got up and took care of all the things I needed to do still. Mike woke me up at midnight and told me to go to bed. I told him I couldn't because I didn't have my routine done and he did most of it for me so I could go to bed sooner. Bless him! Last night I laid down on the couch and was asleep within fifteen minutes of putting Jake to bed. Mike had pretty much everything done before he woke me up and walked me to bed. How wonderful!!! He has been home all week and he has just been great. He has managed with the sick baby even though he doesn't do well with that and was scared to take care of him. He has been cleaning the house up after himself so I didn't have to (well, not Monday and Tuesday when the boys were alone, but he has made up for it!)





I had a nightmare last night that the photographer's assisnt called again to tell us we wouldn't be able to get our pictures taken as scheduled. Only this time it was so the photographer could go on vacation. I was upset because I wouldn't have another day for a month that I could go and get them taken. She said not worry about not being able to get there for a month because they wouldn't be able to "fit us in" for three months! I then started sobbing about how now I wouldn't have six month pictures of my son because of them and they didn't need to worry about us coming in three months. I thought about checking the caller ID when I got up, however it was six and I am pretty sure they wouldn't be calling then.

Yesterday was fun. We cleaned and then my in laws came over. We got some different furniture and they came to see it. Jake was the center of attention of course, and in the middle of everyone watching him he threw up. A lot. Into Mom's hands. I don't do well with vomit, but I do better than my husband. This was just breast milk so it wasn't that bad. It scared him though. It is only the second time he ever vomited. The first time was because he was coughing so hard it made him sick. Grandma and Grandpa thought it was funny. They thought he gagged himself with a toy. Mommy didn't think it was funny and she didn't think it was a toy either. Mommy was right this time. He was so hungry and of course I feed him. Then he threw up about ten minutes later and about another ten minutes after I got him all cleaned up and changed. This time he really got me and my phone.

This morning he had a fever of 102. Poor little guy! He got to stay home with daddy. Daddy didn't do so well. Oh course he started getting sick from the other end too. He went to the doctor during my lunch break and he said it was his antibiotic and a virus making him sick. I can buy the virus. Give him lots of fluids. Great he won't take anything but breast milk. We got a couple of different flavors of pedialyte but it isn't happening. He won't take watered down juice when he isn't sick let alone when he is. Poor baby. He didn't throw up all day for dad, but he keeps spitting up now. That is not something he really has ever done. You can hear him refluxing. We are supposed to take him back to our regular doctor if it keeps up (her day off today). He also encouraged us not to take Jake to the urgent care we took him to last week - the one that is owned and operated by this doctor's office!!! What do you do??? He may have to stay home with daddy again tomorrow.

I had my ninth plugged duct. It started yesterday and finally resolved today. I think Jake wasn't nursing well enough yesterday because he didn't feel good. Poor baby, the kink almost always comes out while his is nursing and then I drowned him. He was making it worse by pushing my breast away from his facing which only made the stream come out stronger. I do like the closeness we have, but I can't wait to be done with this. I'm really hoping I won't be saying "just one more month" very soon!

Mom's wrong... yet again

We went to the urgent care place this morning because our doctor is sick. I felt entirely out of place there. I have never gone there in the middle of the day before. I am always at work then. First of all I am not racist. As a matter of fact, our family doctor is Hispanic. Anyway, I was definitely in the minority in waiting room. First of all Jake and I were the only blue eyed, fair skinned people. Second of all, we were the only people that had regular health insurance. You have to present your insurance card and from the time we sat down to the time we went back the only coverage I heard people say was not the blue cross like we have, if you get my drift. There were tons of other babies though and most of the mothers were babies themselves. This is a good look for Jake isn't it. His eye looks a ton better here than it did when he woke up. It hardly even opened at all this morning.
Anyway, I was sort of wrong, I guess. It isn't pink eye and he doesn't have a plugged duct. He does have a sinus infection and mucus is coming BACK OUT the nasal lacrimal duct. Poor baby! We got some antibiotics and then we went and ran errands. At least he doesn't have a highly infectious disease. He just feels like crap. He would have had lovely pictures today wouldn't he???
(I know the red eye is terrible, but I thought the picture was just so cute!) My pretty princess kitty loves to come and rub on Jake. She has very long, very silky fur and he loves to pet her. Usually, however, he is very gentle unlike this tail grab indicates. I haven't been able to snag a picture of her coming up and rubbing his nose with hers. I am always holding him when it happens. He just loves it! He giggles and giggles.

This FREAKING day!!!

Is it Friday yet??? I had to get up with Jake a couple of times last night and so this morning when I was oh so hoping I could sleep in a tiny bit it ticked me off that Mike got mad at me. I brought Jake to bed with me to feed him and hopefully, oh please God, get just another 30 minutes or so of sleep. Jake wasn't happy though and kept fussing. That irritated Mike and he yelled at me. Who is it that gets up every single time? Not him. Who is it that gets to continue to sleep after the baby and the dogs decide it is time to get up? Not me. So even if we get up at the same time, he still has more sleep because I was up an hour and a half in the night. Not to say he did get up. No, we got up and he stayed in bed until almost ten. If I'm lucky I can get daddy to dress the baby while I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off because things never go smoothly when I am a late shift. I still have to take the baby to daycare. Gee, where does daddy have to be...no where! He didn't go to work until 6pm. He took a damn nap after we left.

So that is how it goes. It makes me a tad bit cranky. That and the fact that I am congested and have a cough. When I got up to feed Jake in the night I noticed one of his eyes looked funny. I thought he had a black eye because it looked swollen. Mind you I don't have more than a 4 watt night lite with which to see. I took him in the bathroom and ticked him off royally. It looked like the nasty snot from his nose had run up his face and glued his eyelashes together and he couldn't open his eye fully. I cleaned him up and inspected his eye. It seemed to look fine. It looked fine later when we got up (since this originally occurred at about 3am).

One of my coworkers was so sweet to come in so I could go do my BLS. Thank God, because I don't think I could have done it Thursday night. Good day so far right? They went down hill rapidly. I had to be the afternoon charge nurse and there were issues. Unfortunately, I got practice that CPR I renewed today. A patient came into the OR in a full code. Not good. Not good at all! Thankfully we were able make things better. But as I am taking this patient to ICU I am handed a note about another patient that MAY need EMERGENCY surgery after the doctor goes to a meeting. Does that sound like an emergency to you??? As the charge person I would normally be talking to this doctor and finding out important things, but as I was already in a life and death situation he had to deal with someone else. Great. I had to figure it out later. So in the mean time I get a call from the ER. They have a bleeding patient that needs to come up right away. I chuckle and say of course you do, we will be right there to get them. We were. We are down to a skeleton crew now and we are gather supplies for the case we "might" do and the case we are going to do. The doctor calls back after his meeting and needs to do the emergency. I tell him we are setting up for a bleeding patient at the moment but we will get his case going as fast as we can. He tells me he is disappointed there is another case and needs to get his surgery started as soon as possible because it is going to take all night. Of course it is. So I am setting up for the bleeding patient and the doctor calls. She needs to deliver a baby first. Of course you do. I am having to call all sorts of people to keep them abreast of what is going on. A scrub and I say we will stay so that the "emergency" can get started in the other room and we will take care of the bleeding patient who is now on hold. I call my MIL and tell her I don't know when I will pick my baby up. She says no problem but did I notice something going on with Jake's eye? Great. I say well as a matter of fact I did and the phone rings and I have to hang up on her. The OB calls me and lets me know it might be awhile and did I know they think they have an appy in the ER and it might need to go before her bleeding patient?? Of course they do. So... I had a lovely day. We didn't have to do the appy. The doctor decided the patient wasn't as close to delivering as the nurse thought she might be and we got to take the patient back to the OR. I was there an extra two hours after the end of my shift.

I was so glad to get the hell out of work. I went and got my little darling and for crap sake it was the other eye!!! It is so swollen! I thought it was probably pink eye, but I am thinking not after seeing him. He might have a plugged tear duct or something else. His actual little eye did look pink at all. We were supposed to get our pictures taken in the morning, but the photographer had a death in her family and had to go to Texas. Sadly, that ended up working out well for us didn't it? I still have the day off so I can take the baby to the doctor. His poor little nose is so stuffy and snotty. I feel so bad for him. It still isn't natural for him to mouth breathe so it wakes him up and is kind of scary. Poor baby. More antibiotics and who knows what else. Did I say thank God this day is over yet???

Finally Saturday!

This week was so stinking long! After having to work over seventeen hours last Saturday and then being sick on Tuesday, I didn't know what day was what. Luckily it is over. Now I'm not entirely looking forward to next week either. I have three late shifts which I hate! But two good things though. I was supposed to take BLS (basic life support) on Thursday night - Thursday being the only regular day I work - but one of my coworkers took pity on me. She is part time and is going to come in for me on Tuesday afternoon so I can leave for a couple of hours and take the class then. I am so happy about that! That was so nice of her and I appreciate it so much. The other good thing is that I have Wednesday off so we can go get Jake's six month pictures taken by the really good, really expensive photographer. The week after that I don't think I have a single late shift. Yippee!!



My chest hurts and I have a terrible cough. It is different than I usually get though. I'm still a bit worried about it but I feel fine otherwise. I just feel like I am on the edge of an asthma attack, but none comes. I'm not complaining about that. It does seem to both irritate and concern Jake however. If he is eating than it disturbs him and he doesn't like that. If I am holding him or he is sitting near me he gives me or Mike a very concerned look.



Speaking of sitting, he is doing so well!!! You can see by the pictures. He is just beginning to fall in the picture with the fish in his mouth. His very favorite toy right now is his tongue. He loves to play with it. He sticks it out and rolls it up. He sprays spit or baby food every where with it. He just loves to see what he can do with it. He even licks you. I took him to a meeting at work with me on Friday and he was great entertainment with his tongue activities.



I am dreading the time change. I guess that is a good thing about having all the late shifts. I guess we can use them to ease ourselves in a bit more. It is just so hard for me to get up now in the mornings! Jake has been getting up a lot so that doesn't help but no matter how you look at it 415 is early.



This week I have toiled a lot over breast feeding. I have been having a lot of pain in my face around my left eye. I don't remember if I have posted this or not. The MRI that was done at the end of December showed that there was still an unusual amount of swelling on my facial nerve. I was put on a pretty good dose of steroids for fifteen days. That seemed to cut my milk supply in half. That was pretty emotional for me. I suddenly hardly had any milk to put in the freezer and I for the first time I didn't always have enough if I had Jake for the entire day. I would have to give him frozen milk. He still doesn't take a bottle from me very well. He has no problem if Mike gives him one and Mike never even has to touch it aside from hand it to him and take it when he is done. Not the case for Mommy however. Interesting... So a recommended treatment for the spasticity and pain I am having around my eye is to have bo.t.ox injected in my forehead and around my eye. Supposedly, my insurance will pay for it. So I said what about the the other side because I already know you look stupid with half your face paralyzed. Insurance won't pay for you to be symmetrical in this instance. But I can't get the injections and still nurse. Right now my doctor is supposed to be talking with a special pain doctor to see if there is something else that should be tried instead. I'm pretty sure I am just getting handed over to that practice, but I haven't officially been told that. So what do I do? Here I am struggling to try to increase my milk supply. I feel ready to stop, but the doctor wants me to keep going with Jake as long as I absolutely can. I decided I would try to make it through the end of the month. That will put Jake at seven months old. Hopefully he will continue to be doing better about eating baby food. I'm just not sure how to go about starting him on formula. I asked the doctor what formula she wanted me to start with when he did start needing formula and she wants us to go with soy. It upset his tummy before when we were doing soy and breast milk and we had to change. Of course his life was measured in days then. I don't want to have to mess with trying a dozen different kinds of formula! That is why I AM still breast feeding. The funny thing to me is that my husband seems to have strong feelings on the matter. Maybe it is just because he doesn't want to have to help with the bottles more, but he doesn't want me to stop. Maybe it is because I made such a stink about how important it was when we were struggling in the early days. He knew my goal was to make it six months though. I guess I will see what the doctors come up with for me and I will go from there, if I still have any milk left by then!