Poor me

I have a case of the weepies! AF is back and I seem to be a freaking mess. That and I am still tired from the weekend. I am worried about my job. Everyone at work is stressed out and it is causing deeper cracks in an already crumbling foundation. We keep hearing (reading) statements form "officials" that tell us how nothing is wrong and people aren't going to lose jobs but we aren't idiots. We have different volumes. We have lost doctors. It just sucks. The future is very murky.

One of my friends is having her second baby in the morning. She has been very blessed. She has bad endometriosis and she was told that she it would be very difficult for her to get pregnant, probably not possible on her own. She got pregnant without trying. She didn't even realize she was pregnant the first time until she was in the second trimester. He will be 2 in April. She got pregnant right away with number two when she thought about a second. Go figure! I am very happy for them but it stirs up my weepies. I sat and held Jake and we ate teddy.grahams together tonight and it was wonderful. I loved that moment and I thought how much it made me want another one. In the same second I was back to thinking how could I make Jake share what little time we have? I know it is silly but I just want to eat up all those minutes. I know my husband is a bit irritated with my housekeeping at the moment and it just doesn't seem important. Play with Jake or tidy over there? Read to Jake or scrub all the counter tops? My answer has been, what is wrong with your hand? Okay, those haven't been the exact words but I work as much as he does. He has more "down" time when he is home. He is home alone when he is home in the day. Don't get on my butt about it if you aren't helping. Am I wrong? I do the laundry. I do the dishes. I clean the floors once a week and I try to clean up after myself as I do whatever it is I am doing. My priority is Jake. Gee, I guess I could be cleaning right now couldn't I? But instead I will take my sorry ass to bed since Molly is ready to come in. Oh, I think Jake is allergic to Molly. His forehead was welted this morning and I don't know why. His hair was messed up and I think it was because Molly licked him. I don't know. I don't want to think about it.