Happy July 4th!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful day today. Independence day has always been one of my favorite holidays. When I was a kid, it was because you got to spend time with family eating ice cream, playing with sparklers, and watching fireworks. As I got older, it is that plus the actual representation of the day. I can't imagine being in the military myself, but I am so honored that there are so many people that are so willing to risk and give their lives for our country. Past and present.

I am still like a kid on the 4th. I moved to this state about twelve years ago. This is the first state that I have lived in that allows you to purchase and set off fireworks. It makes life kind of difficult for a bit. The police can't really enforce the curfew of 10pm and if you have to be up before 530 the next morning it kind of sucks. On the fourth you can light them until midnight so that makes it even worse if you have to work the next day, but it is only once a year right? The only bad thing is that the community doesn't support the city fireworks display like all the other places I have lived. Why donate money for that when you can light off your own? So our professional fireworks are disappointing. The thing I don't understand is how people can afford to set off fireworks every stinking night! I still didn't get into at home fireworks until I started spending the holiday with my in laws. They think I am funny because I enjoy it so much, like a kid would. Well, I haven't had the opportunity my whole life.

I have been having really weird and vivid dreams again and a lot of nightmares. Last night one of my dreams was that Jake decided he would turn around and refuse to budge from breech. There could certainly be worse things to happen, but he been head down as long as I have know. He might slide a little transverse, but he goes back. Anyway, I was panicking in my dream. In reality, I am getting more and more afraid of labor and if he were suddenly decided to turn then that would be that! I might only have to experience a little bit of labor or none at all. I have enough contractions now that I am concerned about what the "real" ones will be like.

I have been working so hard, I haven't enjoyed my time off. When I have been trying to relax, I have been stressing instead. I don't know what to do with myself. I just wish I could try and enjoy this time a little more. I don't feel so bad right now. My face doesn't hurt nearly as bad when I'm not at work. (I don't have anyone to talk to!) But, instead I worry. Then I worry about what all this worrying is doing to poor Jake.