Monday, March 22, 2010
Oh
I got a call today that said private so I didn't answer. I applied for that job and I am all nervous about it. I want it but I don't want to leave my job. I want change but I don't. I don't usually answer private calls anyway. If they leave a message I will know. There was a message. It wasn't anything in the world to do with a job. It was the OB I saw at my last visit. He was calling with the results from my blood work that I completely forgot about. Completely. Why was he calling? My heart was pounding in my ears. I called the office back. They asked me if I was sure he was the one that called. YES! He is on his line, do you want to hold? Duh? I wait. I am just sick. Mike is sitting in a chair in the same room watching me. He comes on the line. Blah, blah, remember the test gives you odds not a diagnosis. Blah, blah. THE FUCKING DR CALLED. My odds compared to other women my age of having a baby were very low. Number is gone from my mind. Blah, blah. My odds compared to other women my age, based on my blood work, of having a baby with a trisomy were high. Huh? Blood pulsing in ears. Words still coming out of doctor's mouth. Tears coming. Any questions? I don't know what to ask yet I say. He tells me we can get an amnio but we can't do it here we have go out of town where they do the genetics. That is the only way we can know if we want to know and not wait and see. He said by our 20 week ultrasound we will be able to see if the baby has physical defects if we don't want to do the amnio. Are we going to do anything different? No. But I have to sleep at night. I looked up trisomy 13 & 18 after I got off the phone of course. Mike doesn't get any of this. They are horrible. I have cried a lot. Then some more. I had to go get Jake and took him to the doctor since he is sick again. We left and drove and I realized after more than ten minutes of driving I hadn't said anything to him while were in the car. I just drove deep in thought. That made me feel terrible. There is not much I can do about the baby but I still have a little boy that needs all I have to give and plus a whole lot more.
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5 comments:
Oh, Jamie! That must have been just horrible to hear and now to have those thoughts brewing around in your head.
Are you saying that you aren't going to do the amnio and just wait until your 20 week ultrasound?
Hugs to you - this must be incredibly difficult.
The test can be wrong. That happened to my cousin and her little girl is 100% healthy. You are in my prayers.
Jaimie! I am so sorry you are stressed and worried over this. I can imagine how hard it must be to hear that from your doctor and then imagine the worst. I hope of course that the increased odds don't end up meaning anything! Hugs to you my friend. I will be thinking about you.
-Faith
I am so sorry you have been dealt this but just remember nothing is certain at this point except that you have life, a miracle, growing inside of you...I am praying for the best and anxiously await the news with you.
You do have a beautiful little boy to be a mommy to right now but don't deny yourself time to process your feelings.
Sending many hugs.
I am so sorry, I'll be thinking of you, hoping for the best. The test does have a high incidence of false positive results, I see it frequently where I work, women who were told their baby was at higher risk, but were perfect at birth...hope that's the case for you.
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