Frustration

I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving. Ours was there. I was sick. I am sicker than I was last week when I went to the dr. I felt better for a few days because of the big old shot of steroids and then the dose pack, but now not so good. I had a fever most of the day yesterday and again today. I went back to the doctor, you know, after I got out of work early today and got stronger antibiotics and better cough medicine. I have coughed my self into some strained muscles along my ribs and into back spasms. What freaking fun! That isn't my actual issue however.

We went to my in laws yesterday to eat. Mike was actually home and went and then it was just them and Jake and me. We ate during nap time. Oh wait, we had to keep the boy up. Thank goodness I feed him lunch because there was nothing for him to eat. He is FINALLY interested in real food, some. He wouldn't touch the turkey. He wanted green bean casserole. Luckily she had some beans in the cupboard still. The chewed on a radish for awhile. He basically ate a few green beans and some crackers. We have known Jake's allergies since he was 8 months or a little less right? Grandpa wanted to give him the casserole. No, I said. He wanted to give him the mashed potatoes Jake wanted. No, Grandpa I said. Grandma wanted to give him the stuffing. Where is package I asked. Did you use butter in it like the directions say? Oh, says Grandma. Grandpa hands him a roll. Where is the bag, I ask. Nope, not that either. Well can he have the green salad, Gpa asks. I turn and look at him and say No! (it gag worthy anyway but it is made with cottage cheese). Hello??? When I went to take the roll away I looked at their bread, nope, it has milk. I know I am not handling this as well as I might because I really don't feel good, but come on people! They pick him up from daycare and FEED him. Now, to my knowledge, they give him crackers, baby food that I buy, and fruit. I have actually been grateful he won't eat food there. Apparently I am going to have to pack him a dinner on the days they have to pick him up. They just don't get it.

However, the icing on the cake, the thing that sent me home crying, the reason that I believe these people are idiots... sitting on an end table in the living room where Jake plays was a cup of m&m's and PEANUTS. I know it isn't the end of the world if Jake gets a little dairy. Milk still gives him eczema. But peanuts could KILL him. Obviously they don't understand that I am absolutely terrified of the world out there and my child's peanut allergy. I have to work hard not to think about it and just do everything I can to control his environment. I am working very hard to not let the anxiety in the back of my mind over this allergy to freak me out. I have thought about changing my job to something I can do from home. I have given it thought to actually home school my son when the time comes. I think that is a great thing for some people. I mean I really give those parents (okay we know it is mostly mothers) credit. I couldn't do it. We would be butting heads and I would be going insane. I get frustrated to easily. I am not a teacher and I think there is a special place in heaven for teachers and those who care work in daycare. I can't imagine being in a room full of two year olds, three year olds, four year olds, whatever. I know I couldn't handle that, but I am terrified of the world out there when my son has a life-threatening allergy. I can not control the whole world, but I should be able to count on his damn grandparents! The f***ing peanuts are right next to his crackers in the cupboard. The f***ing peanut butter is next to his baby food. He goes to the cupboard for his stuff! I should be able to count on his grandparents to not be idiots. I have tried education. I have expressed to them the severity of the allergy. They have and epipen and had to learn how to use it.

I didn't even bring it up with Mike after we got home. We went in separate cars and he went to work as soon as we came home so he didn't notice I had been crying. I don't know how to solve this. They are always going to be his grandparents and apparently they are going to be idiots. I have looked into different daycare options. I can't find anything that fits our need. We can't afford to pay someone $10 an hour to watch him in addition to his regular daycare. There is not one actual daycare that is open late enough. Plus, sometimes I have to stay late. Overtime is mandatory and not scheduled. Mike is gone there is nothing he can do. I have considered giving room and board and paying a college student to watch him but I can't find one. I almost had one. Almost, but that is only temporary anyway. I have asked at daycare if there is anyone interested but there isn't. Duh, they want to leave work too. It comes back to me. To my job. Or Mike's job. If I could find an office/case management/ education kind of job, I would have to take a huge pay cut. That would be hard but we could figure something out. But there hasn't been anything. I can't really afford a 20 thousand dollar pay cut either. Especially since there is still instability with Mike's job. If he loses his job than maybe he could find something with normal hours but the job market is so terrible here and he won't move. I don't know what to pray for! I wish a nanny that refuses pay would drop out of the sky for us. I think I need to talk to my minister again. I keep hoping that someone will present them self to her that will fit our needs. I have put it out there to many people. I mean we obviously will have to cough up the cash if we could just find someone because we just can't count on his grandparents. They won't watch him overnight when I am on call either so that is a problem as well. But I can't really trust them anyway! Mike doesn't get it either because when we have problems with our actual daycare he is quick to say that we could pay his mom to watch Jake.

BTW, the dumbass coworker was finished yesterday and so far the charge hasn't freaked out and retaliated. I know the boss talked to her after so many people talked. I know I have had some bad assignments lately but I think work just sucks right now. I think some people have worse assignments than I do.