tough week

So I handed my resignation to my boss last week and she folded it up and gave it back to me. We talked for over an hour and she tried to come up with a way for me to stay. She brought my charge nurse in and well, it seemed like it went okay. I don't really want to leave is my problem. I have been so sick all stinking week. What do I do? I have worried and fretted. I mean I know I am really not looking forward to the change in the work situation. I mean I know I can learn the job but I don't want to have to learn everything new. Especially right now with a new life joining us.

So I have been thinking, trying to decide. I didn't exactly like what my boss had to offer. She wanted me to immediately come out of a room and work with our aides. Last summer a nurse was put in charge over the aides to help that horrible situation. I don't have a stinking clue what she does. She had surgery several weeks ago and is still to be out for several more weeks and then comes back with lots of restrictions because she hasn't been able to put any weight on her leg at all. She has extensive rehab to go. Whatever. I don't want to do her job. I have been helping the aides as much as I can and I recognize that they really do need someone there giving them guidance. I'm not it. Anyway, her offer was to do this until I need to go out for the baby. It is a complete change from the last time I was pregnant. I mean she wants me to be able to take it easy and if I need to cut back I can. Well, I would come back from maternity leave as a casual employee but I could work as much as I want. However, if there isn't a need then I don't work. That is a problem. That is a huge problem. Right at this moment I could truly work everyday but that could change. As a casual employee, you don't work late shifts, you don't have to work weekends, and you don't take any call and you don't work any holidays. You can say that you don't want to work and they can't schedule you. You don't get benefits but you make a higher wage. I don't need the benefits (I can still contribute to my retirement account). But if they don't need you you don't work. Of course they are far from being in that position but I would need to work at least seven out of ten days to keep paying the bills. That is a lot. That would mean that I would have to cross train to most of my sister units and hope and pray they use me too. Mike says we could make this work because I wouldn't have to go through as much change. However, I know my coworkers. This would not go over well. It didn't go over well when the nurse was put in this position last summer and now to add me? Right! I offered to continue in my current position until I went out and then come back casual after the baby is born. Nope, that isn't what she wants. (there is a little benefit to me to come back casual. You don't get to keep your PTO's because you can't use them as a casual employee so I get to use them all up before I come back. That would mean I could take more than twelve weeks off!!!)

Okay, so I have talked to my boss many times this week. She has a position she is trying to create next year and she wants me to do it. It would be full time and so forth, but she doesn't know when it will be open. So I would have to hold on with the casual until that job is open. I'm sure the hospital is going to try to push it off as long as possible. It is a needed/required job but they can put it off until June, July, October, whatever. So that means holding on with an unknown income until then.

I appreciate that she is willing to try to keep me. She really wants someone around that can step into the charge position if my manager gets sick (that happens fairly often, right). I don't want to. It used to be the nurse that is over the aides now that did that and boss won't let that happen anymore. I don't want it to be me. I don't like running the show. The show is a mess!

So, as much as I really don't want to leave, I am going to give my resignation back to her tomorrow. Maybe she will consider me for the other position if my new job doesn't work out. I am concerned that the doctor won't be here for long. I think that is a reasonable concern having watched what happens over the years. He is a hospital employee so there is some obligation there. He does have a contract, but I'm sure he has a lawyer too. I have heard how excited they are to have me starting soon. I ran into one of the three office managers (that is a problem) today and she was thrilled. They can't wait to see me the 24th, I was told.

So now it really happens. Now my coworkers will know that I am leaving and the nastiness can begin. It is now only three weeks that I will have to put up with it. The boss did hire a traveling nurse but my coworkers thought it was to help with the problem we already have, not to help cover my shifts. At least the traveler will allow the person I am orienting to be able to finish her time to be ready to be out on her own. I just have so much stuff to do before I go. I feel bad about that. I didn't get much done this past week because I was too stressed out trying to figure out what I was going to do. That and I worked a shit load. I had a 20 hour day. That alone should help me decide to leave right??