Not so merry at the moment

So I've complained about my mom before, a lot actually. She has issues. She is very lonely but has done many things to isolate herself and push away the people around her. But she also really likes to draw attention to herself, particularly if someone else is getting attention. There is a long history of her having... fits at important events or such. She is always late for family events so as to make everyone wait and to draw attention when she finally makes a big entrance. She always wants to help, say, sew something that is important but not have it done when it needs to be. Critical items, like the dress I wore in my sister's wedding. We were all waiting for her and my dress. She showed up almost an hour late. The dress still wasn't finished and she wasn't dressed and ready. My sister's SIL had to sew me into the dress, literally. There were several, SEVERAL tantrums during my wedding. She refuses to participate. She ironed through the rehearsal. She was late and we had to wait on pictures even after the photographer rearranged his detailed schedule. He was not happy and I think it showed in our pictures. We almost had to delay the damn wedding. She gets sick and wallows in her illness. She misses tons of work.

So the actual issue at hand? We are all (my mom, my aunt, Jake and I) supposed to go to my sister's house for Christmas. Mike has to work and doesn't want me to go. Still having issues there. But my mom threw a fit! A hissy of monster proportions because my sister wants my aunt and my mom to stay in a hotel. My sister has one guest bedroom. I know her house is huge and has a lot of rooms, but there really isn't a place to put people. My mom and my aunt are extremely loud. My aunt never had children and my mom is obviously many years removed from having young children. She doesn't get how hard it is to try to keep a little order in their lives while there is company. It was a little hard when we were down there this fall. When my sister visits anywhere she usually stays in a hotel. There are five of them. They need to be able to put the boys behind closed doors to sleep, not in the middle of a main room floor. (one would be fine. the second is pushing it, but the third is too little still). Besides is my mom going to sleep on the top bunk or my aunt? Anyway, my mom has gotten ugly. She was supposed to take my aunt. Now my aunt wants me to take her but I'm still on the line to go. I still have to work on Mike. I don't want to be away from him. I don't want him to be away from Jake. I don't want to miss my family and I'm sick of holidays with his family. They just don't feel right.

Anyway, my mom won't talk to anyone, but she will send horrible emails. Mean, mean. She tried to raise her children right, but she doesn't know where she went so wrong to end up with children like this. What did she ever do to deserve such horrible daughters? She has yet to actually come at me, but it is coming. It has been directed toward my aunt and my sister so far. Ugly, ugly, ugly to my sister. My sister doesn't come up to the area we live often. She never lived here so it isn't home. There are five of them to try and coordinate. There is one of my mom to travel. My sister has paid several times for my mom to fly down to visit her. My mom complains about it. I paid to fly my mom down once, she just bitched about it. She hasn't seen my nephews since July 2007. She was mean to them. She made them cry! I do go visit my sister without including my mom. I can't drive down there with her. I would kill her. I would be mad the whole damn time. It is my vacation, right?

I don't know what to do. I mean this is totally my mom. She has done what she can to ruin the holiday for everyone. She got the attention she felt like she wasn't getting. It has gotten bad a few times before but this is truly ugly. My mom can be down right mean and that is what she is doing. She is a therapist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what to do. I may whine a lot and complain, a lot, but this is actually scary to me. I don't know how this can be worked through or past.

I forgot to mention that my sister is having surgery the Monday before Christmas but was still having everyone come. It isn't outpatient either. She will hopefully only spend one night, but still. That should be reason enough for people to give her some damn space! I am reluctant to go myself just for the added stress of company because I know it is hard. She is hoping to be feeling great two days after the surgery when people are supposed to be getting there but I am doubtful.