My struggles are a bit different right now. I have been so busy I haven't been able to dwell on how crappy I feel. A friend of mine saw a different doctor today about her thyroid and got a different medication. I am very interested to see how it works for her. My thyroid levels aren't real low but they sit on the line. I may make an appointment with the doctor she saw if it really helps her.

Anyway, that isn't the problem. One day years ago, like seven or eight, I agreed to work with the plastic surgeon that was coming to our hospital. I agreed to be the person primarily in his room so he could have some consistency when he started. I believe my boss said that way he didn't have reinvent the wheel each week. I was still pretty new. It had to be at least eight years ago. Anyway, I quickly discovered I didn't really care for it that much. I didn't like the doctor much and plastic surgery ranges from gross to really horrible. One day in a staff meeting, my boss announced that we had a new position and she was looking for people to apply. She said that she wanted to have coordinators for each specialty and they would be doing things similarly as to what I was doing. She announced to everyone that I was the service coordinator for Plastics. What the hell? This was the first I had heard about this title. I was not very happy. If given the opportunity I would have picked a different specialty. Ortho was my favorite and I wanted to do that. I told her. She told me I couldn't do both. I said that was fine, I just wanted to do ortho. Nope, not going to happen. It all worked out. I would have really gone crazy in that position when a particular doctor started. I would of quit.

So, there have been changes over the years. That surgeon left and I have completely set up two following plastic surgeons. I also was a coordinator for a retinal surgeon for the brief time he was here (I put so much work into that). After someone else quit, I was actually asked to take on gynecology also. The surgeon in that practice that I didn't like had just left so I said that would be just fine. I liked it a lot more. I still do. Anyway, back to the present. Some how this position means I can do my coworkers evaluations. I don't know why it does but that is what has happened. I want to blame on the temp director but I can't because my old boss made me do three last year. This year is different, however. I was initially assigned four. Two of the other service coordinators were also assigned four. One of them did the evals like I did last year and the other didn't. We didn't get any sort of training, just some papers and a shove last year. However, the people assigned to us were very carefully picked. The director did the problem ones, as well as ours and the charge nurse did a lot of the rest of the staff. Well, the charge nurse has been off for about two months now sick. She has been really sick. In and out of the hospital. Two hospitals actually. Tomorrow is the temps last day. She wanted all of the evals done by then. So that meant we had to split up the people assigned to the charge nurse and do those also. I took four initially and accepted a fifth one today.

Of the first four I got, the director told me she was sorry because she gave me two of the three hardest ones in the department. I was upset about one. I'm not sure who she thought the second one would was because the others weren't bad at all. She did give me my best friend, but we are good enough friends that we can tell each other what we need to do and it isn't a big deal. She did have a few issues but one of the other evals on my list is the most strong-willed nurse in the department. But the one I was dreading was the worst nurse in the department. The laziest person we have who is the charge nurse's pet. Wahoo!!! I have been sick about it. I worked on it for hours last night and then went to the director and went over it again today. I went to her to help me find some positive and she just kept adding more negative. I very frankly discussed my concerns about giving an honest evaluation to the charge nurse's pet. Our new director doesn't even know the charge nurse because she has been gone. (she was back for partial days for about a week about a month ago. She was still too sick). The inter um voiced my concerns to our new director or so she told me. She never saw it so she doesn't know what I am talking about. She didn't see the favoritism and hasn't seen the retaliation.

The inter um did the eval with me today. I'm glad but she was a lot harsher than I was. The coworker did okay, but I could see that by the end she was starting to think, to devise. You can see it in her eyes. She is a plotter. I am scared. There is nothing wrong with her appealing the eval. The director did it with me. I had specific supporting information that had been presented by peers. Peers too afraid to give their own names, but some obvious to her (that one would be my best friend that the charge calls a tattle tail all the time). But the nurse was still doing things she shouldn't. She actually has some firable infractions. I am still worried. I was sick all morning. However, I the last eval I picked up has me more concerned. It is someone that oriented me. She has been a nurse forever. She is a friend. But she is having some significant problems. I have done six evals so far and three of the people have voiced concerns about her. The same concerns I have. Something is wrong with her and I don't know what it is. I wonder if she is sick and not telling us. Her job performance has gone to crap. She used to be a bit dingy but a good nurse, now she is just bad. You pretty much have to tell her exactly what to do or she doesn't. She can't identify what needs to happen on her own. She will just stand there until you tell her to go do this or do that. We have been worried but we didn't know what to do. She has to have hand surgery but that isn't root of the problem. This one I think will be harder. I went over her self evaluation and I was just shocked. She could not have rated herself any higher. Not at all. She gave examples but they aren't enough. She obviously doesn't see how bad she is doing. It is going to hard. There will be crying. I believe this was the third evaluation of the top three. So I get to do them all. I am not worried about what she will do to me. She might be mad, but it is out of concern for her welfare, not to mention everyone she takes care of, that I have to be honest. This one might have to be brutally honest for her to see.

Why do I have to do these? What gives me the authority to do annual evaluations?? Peer evaluations yes, but the actual big one? I am so ready to be done with it!!!