4 months

Today Jacob is four months old. I can't believe it has been 4 months! Jake is now 15 pounds 1 ounce and 25 1/2 inches long. His fourth tooth broke threw yesterday. He is a little stinker today because he isn't feeling all that well from getting shots yesterday. He doesn't want mommy to put him down, not even long enough to go to the bathroom. I got him to sleep in his crib for only about two and half hours last night and then he slept on me in the chair until about 4. I was so kinked up by then I just took him to bed with me. I had to wake Mike up so he knew Jake was there. Jake was nice enough to let me sleep until 730. By then he had turned sideways in the bed and Mike and I were each laying on our sides on the edges of the bed. Thank God it is a king sized bed! We try to keep Jake out of our bed but once and awhile he ends up there. Mostly when mom is desperate for sleep and he will calm down and go to sleep if he is in bed with me. It is awfully convenient for a night time snack to for the little guy.

Jake was doing great with his sleeping the week before Christmas, but this week has been awful. He has gotten up at least once and most nights twice. Too much going on in his house I think. He is still nursing but I am still reconsidering with a near amputation this week. My doctor really encouraged me to keep going or pumping and giving him a bottle because of his already obvious allergies. Now that makes me feel a bit guilty for wanting to stop. I had yet another plugged duct yesterday and I just don't know. We have about enough milk in the freezer to carry us two months... I'll keep trying. We were doing better with the biting. It gets a lot worse when he is teething and he just seems to have the urge to chew everything.

I still can't believe he is ours. Although I am having a difficult time getting anything done (he is actually sleeping in his swing right now) I do like that he wants to snuggle so much when he isn't feeling well. He wants to be right on my chest just like he did when he first came home. I just adore this little guy.

We finally got our three month pictures. They aren't quite what our newborn pictures were, but there are some cute ones. I'm not sure yet how I feel about the photographer. I do like a lot of what you see on her site and blog, but our pictures don't seem to be quite the same. I haven't decided yet about going back. www.shutterbeephotography.com/jacob The pictures will only be available until the 10th I think. I didn't like any of the pictures with me at all. I realize I have a lot of work to do. I really gained a lot of weight in my face during pregnancy and with all that I have lost it would seem like more would have come off my face than has. New Years resolution I guess.

Freedom!!

I has been nice having my family visit, but it went on a bit too long. We took Jake in for his four month check up today and we didn't come home until we knew for certain we would be the only ones there. I love my family, but we need our home and our space back. Mike can walk around in his underwear again. I can pee with the bathroom door open. I just hate feeling like a guest in your own house because someone else has taken over. I will write more tomorrow, I just needed to celebrate my freedom with a few words.

Picture

Just a quick second. I put Jake's little Santa hat picture on here for the week. It is what we ended up using for our Christmas card picture and not on of the three of us. I think it is kind of funny because Mike was taking the pictures with his big fancy camera and this I took with my much "lesser" digital. Anyway, vote for us please because we want to be popular. http://www.simplytoimpress.com/photo-contest/index.php

three and a half months

Things are hard right now. Jake and I have both been sick. Stuffy/runny noses coughs, fevers. Then Jake has been just a bundle of joy working on his third tooth. Poor guy is miserable. He keeps biting his Mommy though when she is trying to feed him. I don't know how much longer I am going to be able to nurse him if he keeps drawing blood. I had hoped I could go until at least six months but I won't have any nipples left if things continue. I don't know what to do. I continue to try the things I have read. I have given him a stern "no" and I have also put him down for awhile and then let him nurse a bit later. I don't know. I can see there is a pattern that it is when he is almost finished that he bites. I have been watching him and I have my hand near to pry myself free when I think he is close to being done. It just frustrates me. I don't want to have to mess with formula. Some how I think we will be the people having to through a dozen different formulas before we are on the most expensive one in the world. That would be my luck.

I could keep pumping and just give him breast milk. However, I hate pumping. It is so hard to try and do at work. I keep getting plugged ducts that I struggle to get cleared before I end up with mastitis. It is miserable to have to work and need to pump and not be able to do it soon enough. That is what I think is happening. I think I'm not able to pump when I need to and then I get stopped up. It hurts so bad. It happened again on Wednesday when I was on call. I had an area I couldn't clear that was the size of a grapefruit. I was on call and I was scared I wouldn't be able get it to drain and I would be stuck at work getting sicker and sicker. I was able to go home several hours later than usual and I put a heating pad on this boulder I now had sitting on my chest. I tried to nurse but the baby had just eaten of course and didn't help me out much. So I just pumped and pressed as hard as I could tolerate. It is surprising how painful that is. I got one area to clear and then the second. I kid you not, milk came out in a constant stream for ten minutes. I got sixteen ounces. No wonder it hurt so much!

So basically, if I can't nurse him I don't want to mess with pumping and giving him breast milk. But I don't want the torture of figuring out what formula he can tolerate. He just has to stop biting. I need help. Anyone know what I should do?

My family will be here in less than a week now and I am having trouble getting excited. I don't want to spend that much time with my mom. I want to see everyone but I don't want all the work of it. This year should be so great because we have the best present ever and some how it just feels more stressful than any previous year. I don't get it.

On a good note, Jake made it two nights last week where he slept from about 8:15pm to 4am! He made it close a third night where he slept until just about 3:30am. But there was the night we were up five times too. Still it is HUGE progress. It makes it easier for mommy to handle other things like her crazy job and the crappy snow.

Jake has grown so much we had to move into size three diapers this week. I just want him to slow down! Too many teeth and too big! If he got his teeth at a normal time like most babies we wouldn't be having so much trouble.

I'm just feeling really down right now. I feel like this year has aged me so much. I was looking at lines around my eyes this morning and it was making me sick. I just feel so tired and so old.

Big boy

I just can't believe how fast Jake is growing up! He has had a fever and been really cranky this weekend because he is getting MORE teeth! His gum is swollen on either side of the teeth he has and then in one place on the top. He is drooling buckets and wants to chew on anything he can get into his mouth. His poor skin is in bad shape still though. I have tried to get a doctor's appointment that works with my work schedule but I couldn't get one before his appointment on the 28th that I was sure we could make. His scalp and forehead just seem to be so itchy for him. I feel so bad. When he sleeps or gets tired he really scratches. I got him up Saturday and there was so much blood in one area on his scalp I was worried. When I got the blood cleaned off it wasn't as bad as I feared, but still. I am afraid he is going to give himself some terrible scars and he will have bald spots all over his head. The hair still isn't growing in very well on the back of his head where they tried to suck him out.

He is getting so big! He loves to try and sit up and he is getting so strong. He is going to have some impressive abs if he keeps it up. He also wants to stand up on you all the time. He is really working on getting his coordination to stand with you only holding his hands. He is also growing like a weed. His cheeks are really filling out and he finally has a tummy that is kind of round. We are really pushing it by finishing this mega pack of size 2 diapers we are on. I got peed on twice last week. I hope we can get all the diapers used up in time!

I had to work yesterday and be on call and it was hard. My mom was here. We had a bad storm but I only had to do one surgery related to a snow incident. That was pretty good. Actually it went well until I got called at about 5 am this morning. I was on call until 7 am. It was a hard case, a craniotomy and I haven't done one with this doctor before. The Sunday crew had to do most of the case but I was still there until almost 9. I just can't leave until everything is well under control. I wouldn't want someone to do that to me. There are some people I work with that aren't nice enough to stay and help get everything in order. Thankfully, all the people on my weekend aren't like that. Our house just isn't big enough to have my mom here for so long. She just drives us nuts. She did my laundry so that was nice, kind of. She just won't do things how you like them done, she will only do them her way. Like you have to refold everything so it fits in the drawers. It is just kind of one her passive aggressive things she does. It just gets hard to ignore all the little comments she makes and she makes so many now when she is having "conversations" with Jake. But it was helpful for Mike to have her here especially because Jake didn't feel good. I got home early Saturday and she literally shoved him at me less than two minutes after I got in the door. But then she was insulted when he was happy and smiled for his mom!

Pictures

We got three month pictures taken today. I can't wait to see them. She showed me a few of them as she was taking them and Jakey was so cute. But unfortunately he was kind of a blob. I was wondering how she was going to position him and the answer was with a big bean bag. I can't wait for our six month pictures when Jake can sit up by himself. I am not sure yet if we are going to do nine month or just wait for a year. I guess we will wait and see how these pictures look because we certainly can't afford to go to the same photographer that took our newborn pictures for six and nine months and then again at a year. If these are good we will have to do some thinking. We were just so impressed by Kelly and the actual experience was much much different this time. But the difference in cost is tremendous. The sitting fee and a photo CD with picture rights is quite a bit less than just the sitting fee with the other sitting fee. I know the photographer we went to today is still working on building her clientele and I am sure the numbers will be going up all too soon. We will see...

My aunt is coming on the 20th for Christmas and I am getting excited. I really like her and I can't wait for her to meet Jake. She and my sister each called me last night. They were each concerned about discussions they each had with my mom. They were each concerned if my mom and talked to me about the holiday or if she was just taking it upon herself to take over. They know that we are celebrating at my house and that I love to be a hostess. They know that I really enjoy meal planning and cooking. They also know that I have a three month old. Well, I haven't gone all out by any means. I have thought about it some. However, my mother has not talked to me and I am really really not looking forward to her being here this week. The last time she was here it was awful. It really was awful. I was ready to throw her out. My husband was ready to throw her out. I don't want to have a big blow up right before Christmas, but I just don't know what I can take. I am half way hoping that Mike is gone the whole time and that I have to work a ton. She is coming on Friday night and not leaving until Sunday. We have already decided that we won't allow her to com the next weekend I have to work. It is the hard weekend too where I have to work Friday and am on call until 3pm Saturday and then go on call again at 7 am Sunday and am on call until 7 am Monday, but then I have to work Monday until 3 pm. So it would be nice to have someone here that was good help. But that isn't my mom. Jake will be 4 months by then. Mike will have to stay home from work. His parents can help if I am gone too much and it gets to be too much for him. It isn't like my mom can be here when my call starts at 3 on Friday or can stay until it ends on Monday so someone else has to be available right? I just don't think we can do it again especially with her being here at Christmas. I'm sure she is wanting to come Friday after work and staying until Tuesday or Wednesday. My aunt will be here as a buffer, but that is a long LONG time to be closed up with my mom. It isn't like we can run away because it is our house! I just don't want anything to happen and have Mike or even worse, myself, throw her out. God be with me this weekend and over the holiday. I need all the strength I can get.

One year

It was one year ago on this date that this little boy was created. My goodness what a year! It has had its ups and downs but what an outcome! I just can't believe how fast time is going. I want to keep my baby a baby. I would love more sleep and for him to not bite me, but both of those things will get better. Right??

Last Sunday he discovered his toes. He is now fascinated with them. Any minute they are going to make into his mouth. He is also stuck with socks on one or both of his hands much of the time. I always thought the mothers who covered up their baby's hands were mean and now I am one. He is scratching his head something awful. He takes the skin off in chunks. He has pictures on Tuesday and I want to have as few scabs as possible on his face! I just adore this little boy. I can't imagine my life without him now.

Mike and I will have been together nine years this week. We are closer now than ever. I don't even enjoy his time away anymore. I love having him here with me and his son. I love to see him with his son. This great big grouchy guy turns into a big ball of goo over this little boy. I'm sure others of you have noticed this to be true about your husbands as well. They have a man voice. It kind of conjures pictures of them peeing a circle around what is theirs when another male is around. Mike's already low voice seems to drop an octave. His chest seems to puff out too. Anyway, he doesn't notice this happens around other men. So I have always thought this was funny and now I see this man dancing around in front of his son talking baby talk in this squeaky little voice. I like to stand back and just watch. Jake laughs at him, as he is supposed too. I just warms my heart. I love my men so much.

Thanksgiving

We made it through our first official holiday. I want to gripe about my mother and how insensitive she is and all the stupid things she did or said but I won't. I will be thankful instead that I have a mother, even my mother. That doesn't me I won't bitch to my sister tomorrow, because I'm sure I will. But right now I am going to be thankful of all that I have. I have a strong and supportive husband who is working with me through the rough times. I have a great sister who is there whenever I need her. I just wish it wasn't through the phone so much and more in person. But I am extremely thankful that her family will be here at Christmas time! I am thankful that I have in laws that are more than willing to help me with the thing that I am most thankful for of all. I have my precious little boy. God gave me the best gift ever this year. I have had a bumpy path but what was at the end was so worth it! I am so thankful for little Jacob. (He got his second tooth on Thanksgiving. Two teeth at 12 weeks 1 day!!! I can't believe it. He occasionally bites too. We have to get that worked out. I don't want to stop breastfeeding him yet).

The week in review and the week to come...

This week was horrible. I had to work three late shifts. I only managed to leave on time once the entire week. I mean I only got to leave at the scheduled end of my shift once this week. I only got to pick Jake up from daycare once this week. Thank God it was Friday. It made the week less difficult when I got there and he smiled at me. I know this week was unusual because we had things going on every single day for PeriOerative Nurses' Week. It actually sucked. There were people not doing things all over the place but I was working really hard. It just pisses me off. You should not see someone sitting in the break room talking on their cellphone when we are still trying to get all the first cases set up. The laziness of some of my coworkers never ceases to amaze me. I should be used to it by now, but I'm not.

I also had a student start with me and she is different than any other student I have had before. I'm not quite sure how to deal with her. All the previous students I have had have actually wanted to work in the OR. This one made it very clear to me right away that she already has a job on the floor that handles cancer patients and lots of patients with more long term illnesses. She just didn't get to see much while she was a student in the OR and thought it might be interesting to come and watch. She isn't there to learn what I do at all.

I'm also not all that over joyed about the week to come. I have a terrible day on Monday. A case I have never done with the new plastic surgeon - an all day case with more cases to follow. And the rest of the rooms look just as bad. And then there is the family. Some how I am having Thanksgiving at my house again. It is just my family. My mom, my aunt, my husband if he is home and me. I didn't invite anyone. My mom and aunt will be staying with me. That is all fine. The thing that bothers me is that I had to buy food for these people for several days. I spent almost three hundred dollars at the grocery store last night and I didn't get much for us to eat. I got necessities for the house and diapers and stuff, but not dinner for us before they come. We really can't afford this and I have directly told those my family this and they don't care. Well, they will do the cooking so I don't have to. That isn't my issue! My mom said she would make a salad and the sweet potatoes. Well, that helps, but there is breakfast lunch and dinner for several days. Oh well, I guess. Mike and I could both stand to lose a few pounds.

Then there are my in laws. They are trying to get me over to their house everyday this next week. I need to get my house ready for company. Of course it isn't about me at all. If I just drop Jake off and come home and clean they would be happy. It would help me, but I really like to spend every bit of time I can with the baby. He is growing up so fast and this past week was horrible about seeing him. I was trying to get ready every morning so I didn't get to just be with him like I can in the evenings. Then he would be asleep and I would wake him up to eat when I would get home everyday but Friday.

I have really been gripy haven't I? I want to be with my baby while he is still a baby. He is everything and since I have to work to keep a roof over his head I will, but I still hate it.

They came!

We got our pictures today!!! I am so excited. My husband drove down to get the pictures. After the wait and for what they cost we figured he would go get them. Quite honestly, even with gas prices as they are it was still probably cheaper to drive than have them sent with all the insurance. They are spectacular. The two giant canvases we got are worth every penny, every bit of torture I am put through to earn that much. Jake's eyes are amazing in both of them. He looks like a wise old man in this brand new body. I can't wait to get them hung up! We are still trying to decide where exactly they are going and how we are going to rearrange the entire house to focus on these pictures. I know someday Jake is going to think they are stupid, but he will have them forever.

I am so glad tomorrow is finally Friday! This has been the longest week ever! I can't wait to pick up my baby after work and snuggle him. I haven't gotten to pick him up since Monday. I haven't gotten one of those special grins that tells you how much you mean to him since Monday! Maybe I will go back to work on Monday and maybe I won't...

I hate it

I'm ready to be done now. I hate going to work and not getting off until 8pm to come home and to my baby asleep. He wakes up for a minute to give me a smile and nurse for about two minutes and then off to sleep again. I hate it. I don't want to do this anymore I want to be with my baby again. I want to hold him instead of paying someone else to stick him in a swing and leave him there to sleep. I want to feed my baby instead of someone else giving him a bottle and not encouraging him or giving him enough time to eat more than 3 ounces. When he gets a bottle outside of daycare he takes 5-6 every time, not 2 or 3. I want to be with my baby. This is killing me. Getting up so early and giving him away most days and then getting up and trying to get a few things done before work, then having to stay late and not get to see my baby. I just hate it. I am miserable. I don't know what else I can do. I just miss Jacob so much.

Kirsten put one of her daughter's sweet pictures here and I thought I would toss on one of Jacob's that I like. He is 1521, as seen in a previous post. http://www.simplytoimpress.com/photo-contest/index.php

Have you hugged your OR nurse today?

This week is OR Nurses' Week and tomorrow is OR Nurses' Day. I don't quite understand how there is a day and a week. If you have a "week", why do you need a "day?" I don't know, but we have really needed something positive in our department. The thing is, we have organized all sorts of stuff for the week. WE have, our department has to do all the work to celebrate ourselves. Sure, that is something we should do, but shouldn't your employer do something? Every type of area in the hospital has its own week and/or day. But our hospital doesn't do anything to say "we appreciate you" to all the areas. They can easily do the same thing for each and every area. Cater a lunch. Give everyone coffee mugs or T shirts or something. Not even a "good job" or "well done." That makes you feel appreciated doesn't it? Oh, well at least the department has worked hard to celebrate each other. We did have one of our nicer doctors buy the whole department lunch today. That was very nice of him.

Surviving

We are surviving. I had to work this last Saturday and my mom came to watch the baby. It was awful. My mom now feels she can tell us what to do all the time. I was ready to kill her by the time she finally left. Poor Mike was ready long before then. Jake came home from daycare on Thursday with a cough and a stuffy nose. Mike picked Jake up after just a few hours on Friday so he could be home and not around the sickies there. I made it very clear to my mom that I wanted Jake to be home and not around anyone else. She wanted to take him shopping. She wanted to take him shopping in a carrier. She wanted Mike to take them to the mall so she could haul her grandson all over the germy place. He told her to go and he would watch Jake. She really does have a shopping sickness. Her wardrobe and shopping were about all she could talk about it and was driving me nuts. She can't pay her bills, but she can go buy new clothes. She has an insane amount of clothing. I mean truly insane.

Anyway, letting my mom come down and watch Jake when I work weekends isn't going to work. She just disregards our wishes completely. Mike got Jake dressed and she took off his jeans because they were "too tight on his tummy." I put the same jeans on him the next day. I can put three finger sideways (meaning there is over two inches of space). The issues just went on and on.

I can't believe this has happened. Jake's first tooth has broken through. It happened yesterday at ten weeks and four days! The blood blister popped when he was nursing in the morning and he screamed. He is such a good screamer. There is nothing wrong with his lungs now! Anyway, last night I felt the actual tooth for the first time. He is drooling like mad. He is pissy as hell and he had his first tooth break through. I just can't believe it. I don't want him to grow up so fast! I LOVE his gummy grin. I want to keep it as long as I can. I really don't know if there will be any other babies in our future and I just want to keep this one little as long as I can! Jake slept seven straight hours Saturday night too. That is the first time we have done that. It was great! I hope it starts happening with regularity!

One week down, the rest of our lives to go

We made it. I don't know how well, but we made it. The day before I went back to work, Jake started screaming. I don't mean crying, I mean screaming as hard as he can for long periods of time. Like he is in terrible pain. I felt so good about going to work the next day and leaving him. What if he did this at daycare? Was I going to get a call after a couple of hours to come get my baby?



The first day went fine. I dropped off a sleeping baby and felt horrible all day that my baby had to wake up in a strange place with strange people taking care of him. I called and checked on him. Mike was home or around all day so I knew at least he could pick him up or go be with him if nothing else, until I could get there. Now work, that was another story. I felt like I was in a foreign country when I got there in the morning. It felt awful. By afternoon I was feeling like it was a familiar place at least. The schedule was horrible though and there wasn't anyone to relieve me. On top of it all, I was in pain. One of my coworkers took pity on me and volunteered to stay so I could go. Thank God. I was there an extra hour and she had to stay two more. I owe her. I haven't done anything but I need to. I had called Mike and told him I didn't know when I was going to be able to get out and he was on his way to pick up the baby when I called and told him I was coming home so he turned around and I went and got the baby. He was sleeping when I got there. I picked him up and he begrudgingly opened his little eyes. He blinked a few times and then he gave me a big smile. That is when I started bawling.



The rest of the week went okay. I had to take my first call and it was really easy thank goodness. But Jake is crying pretty much the same time every evening for up to two hours. He is also waking up at night and staying awake for about two hours. They are letting him sleep way too much at daycare. It is easy for them to do that. They have the more active babies to chase after and Jake is more than happy to just sleep in a swing. I am a bit frustrated with this. But it could be worse.



So poor Jake has my sensitive skin. He has odd little ears. They aren't all that little but they are flat up against his head. When he sleeps on them he can get moisture back there and the skin starts breaking down. Sunday before I started work he had a yeast infection behind one ear and I thought that might be his crying. His skin cracks along the creases and with all that moisture it grew yeast. We got that cleared up by Tuesday. His poor eczema is bad and I thought he might be crying because of that. And then there is the cradle cap. It looks like the most painful of all of the skin ailments. It cracks and bleeds. Poor baby. I put baby oil on it like the doctor said and it makes a crust on his poor head, like a helmet. It is awful. But no that is not the source of his pain. He IS in fact teething. My baby who will be ten weeks old tomorrow is actually teething. He has two giant purple lumps in the front of his mouth and when you rub those lumps you feel two teeth barely under the gum. The poor boy is covered in drool. He is chewing his hands whenever he can get them in there. We are holding teething toys in his mouth for him since he isn't coordinated enough to do it himself yet. The poor little guy. At least we figured out why he is so upset.


I am so freaking exhausted though. I just can't get enough sleep. I try to get to bed early and I don't. I have to get up so stinking early and Jake is waking up a lot. I didn't go to work until late today and he was up by four thirty. I wasn't able to get any extra sleep over the weekend. I am just so stinking tired. Which I need to go to bed now, but I thought I would come post while I had the chance. Now I have to take the dogs out and pump. I hope I can stay awake that long! Nothing like falling asleep with a breast pump attached.

The end is here

I did a lot better this week than I thought I would. Today is the first day I have really been sad and I think some of that is because I feel so awful. I got a flu shot on Wednesday and I have had a terrible headache, my neck and back are killing me, achy all over and a little bit of a fever. Jake on the other hand, has been pissed or passed out. He has had a fever since yesterday late afternoon and he has been mad. His legs really seemed to hurt yesterday but they don't seem to bother him much today. He woke up at 5 and we went back to sleep in the chair in the living room. Obviously we didn't get up for practice today. I had already decided we wouldn't since he was going to be getting his shots. Anyway, he ate again about 8 and we went and got in my bed. We only got up at 10 because the phone rang.

He went back to sleep a little after noon and slept until after three. He cried a lot when he was awake and then was half way happy when he got up. We actually got to see him smile and he played with his toys some. He was still pretty warm though. He is being a little pistol about taking the Tylenol. He sucked it down when he was getting it in the hospital. Now he just spits it out as fast as you get it in there. He immediately gets his had up to his mouth so he spreads it all over his hands and face and into what he has for hair. Thank goodness it is the dye-free kind!

Now I can't get him to go back to sleep. I am so tired and just want to go to bed myself. I still have to pump and take care of the dogs. He is relatively content watching television right now, but I don't want to leave the house and it is too chilly to take him out. Mike finally went to work again so he isn't home. I miss him already. My mom is coming tomorrow. She was coming so I could finish getting the things I wanted to get done while on leave done. The things I have barely started. But I think I may be trying to sleep instead if I don't feel any better. She will be happy either way to be taking care of her grandson. Hopefully he is feeling better tomorrow. This was one of my very favorite pictures by the way. The people I love most in this world together. They both look so sweet!

Shots!!!

Our doctor's appointment went well except for the shots. I'm so glad Mike was home today to drive us home because I was still crying when we left. He has been stuck so many times and had many shots already when most "normal" babies have what just had vit K, hep B if you consent, and a heel stick or two right? I can't remember if there are any other pokes in the land of perfect l&d and baby. His cry of pain just makes my heart break!

Other than that everything went well. Jake has tapered down into the 75th percentiles or so on everything. He is 24 inches long, 12 lbs 6 oz, and his head is 16 1/8 inches. So no huge changes since last time. We were guessing he was a little over 12 pounds but we weren't sure how much. She confirmed that my child is sensitive and takes after me in that unfortunate way. She told me to slather up his cradle cap with some baby oil. I don't think I have said that he has eczema on his elbows before. A spot popped up on his knee yesterday, poor little guy. She said he should out grow all these horrible things. He has this spot on his gum that I think is looking better that she is a bit concerned about. She also thought his frenulum is tight. Well, it seems that it is a bit late to first be worried about that now. I think it looks great for my family. Most of my family was tongue tied to some degree. None of my nephews got theirs clipped and his is WAY better than all of the boys. My mom and aunts I think all got clipped, but my sister and I were okay. I'm not worried about it. He moves his tongue around a lot so he will stretch it out.

Jake is not happy though. I gave him his Tylenol before we left the office and he was asleep before

we made it to the car. He has fussed, whimpered, bawled pretty much since we got home. Poor guy! He pretty much wants to stay attached to the breast all the time, but most of it is just comfort sucking. Type of the little man, his daddy woke him up with the mower.

Time flies...

when you are having fun! I am so glad that I took as much time as I could off with Jake. I was so pissed that I "lost" that first week with him being in NICU. I felt like my time with my baby was being stolen. That is after we knew he was going to be fine and we were just there for his eating.

We have come so far from this "little" guy here. We thought he was so cute then and he was, but we think he is so much cuter now. We love that he interacts with us. That he looks at you and not just past you. I love that he doesn't always wake up screaming and I can go to his crib and as soon as he sees me he gives a giant gummy smile. I love that he smiles and giggles when we play. I love that we can play.

So anyway, my little Peanut was eight weeks old yesterday! I can't believe it at all. We got ourselves up early and got ready like we have been all week. It is still gong well. We were too early again yesterday so I slept a bit later today, until 0412!! The major problem there is that yesterday I came home after our little drive and took a nap while Jake was still sleeping. I was scared driving yesterday because I could hardly keep my eyes open. I suppose when I get to work and get moving I will wake right up.

I am doing a lot better this week than I did last week. I know I have to go back and I am just trying to get everything in this week that I can. All the smiles, giggles, poopy diapers, screams, etc that I can. Overall, Jake really is a pretty happy baby. He has been fussy and I have definitely messed up how he would like to sleep with waking him up at 5 am. Some mornings now he doesn't want to take a nap at all. He might go back to sleep until seven and not take a nap until noon or even two. Then some days he doesn't want to sleep in the afternoon. We are certainly not on a routine. It would drive my sister nuts! I'm just going with what Jake seems to need right now. He eats when he is hungry and sleeps when he seems to need to sleep. I need for him to sleep in the afternoon for sure and I try for about 2-4 but that doesn't always work. I'm not sure how that is going to work when I am picking him up after I get off work at 3. I'm really going to want to see those blue eyes then. I will probably want a nap then also. Maybe we will have to lay down together!

I called my OB office yesterday because I was feeling so much better last week and now I am not. I was concerned that maybe I was having a problem. My pain went away pretty much altogether by the end of last week. I thought that maybe it was associated with the medication I was having to take and that since the pain came back maybe I was having another problem. The PA I saw last week is gone all this week so I couldn't talk to her or see her, but I talked to her nurse and she talked to the call Dr. They said it was just a coincidence that the pain was better and not related to the other issue. The Dr said with the severity of the anterior tear I

had it might be 3 or 4 MORE months before I am healed and the pain is better. I wasn't expecting that. That didn't make me very happy either, not to mention my husband. We have made one effort to be "romantic" and it didn't go all that well. It involved a lot of fear, a fair amount of pain, and some crying. How enjoyable can that be for him?

So, I will try and put some numbers up later after our Dr visit. I just knew I had some time to write now, even if I did have to stop to change a diaper, breast feed, and get a little boy back to sleep. You can almost tell in this last picture that I took this morning that Jake's hair is starting to grow back. He now has a layer of fuzz maybe a 1/4 of an inch long. It is hard to tell if it is any lighter than the dark dark hair he was born with. It is just too fine. The old man hair along the back of his head has almost all fallen out now, but he had a few hairs that stayed on the top of his head and they are at least an inch to an inch and a half long so the are funny looking. I keep thinking they will fall out, but I may have to give up and trim them!

Practice

(Boy, I look at these pictures now and I was having a serious static problem with the scanner because they are crooked!)

So this morning we did the full deal. I was up by 0350. I got each of the dogs out uneventfully. I got a shower without any problem. I had to work a bit to get Jake to wake up to eat. I was able to get him to sleep by 830 last night and he woke up at about 130 and I think and I had us both back to bed by 2. I set Jake back in his bed after he ate while I pumped and he finally woke up. He poohed of course and was now awake. I got him changed and dressed and even got him to eat a little longer. I went out and started the car. It was less than 30 degrees out and there was frost on my windshield and I wanted to warm the car up some before I took the baby out. Actually I was waffling as to whether I would take Jake out of the house or not. Mike is home and I could leave him snug in his crib or I could take him out in the cold with me. I elected to take him with me just in case. So I put a little sweatshirt on him and got him in his car seat. He just looked up at me with his sweet eyes. I just can't get over how cute he is! So I loaded him up in the car and we drove to daycare. I got into the car at 523 and we drove past daycare at 533. So we were a little early! The door isn't unlocked until 555 I was told but the lady in Jake's room was already there. So we went to the grocery store and grabbed a few things so I can make breakfast for Mike and then we drove back by the daycare and took the same route home. The clock said 559 when I turned the car off. We did pretty well. But everything went very smoothly. Jake was cooperative because he didn't know what the heck was going on. The dogs were just happy to make it out before 10am and I wasn't dragging because I haven't been working all week. I climbed in my bed at 915 last night and I read for 20 minutes. I doubt I will be able to get to bed as early every night. I did wake up a couple of times a little dazed and confused.

The thing that I thought was interesting was how many more cars were out by the time we were driving home. Obviously we don't know what traffic problems are here. It might take an extra five minutes to get around when kids are getting dropped off and picked up at school and from 5-6 pm but that is about it. You have to worry more about how long you might be stopped at the railroad tracks depending upon how many you have to cross to get to work in the morning. But still, we saw about ten cars on the way at 530 and about fifty when we were driving home from daycare. I just thought that was interesting to see what a difference just a few minutes makes.

So the question is, am I going to get up any later tomorrow morning? I might give myself five more minutes just in case things don't run as smoothly. I think we will do the full deal - driving to daycare and all each - each morning this week just to keep getting used to it. I didn't get upset this morning which I am glad. Yesterday I cried about 6 times I think, maybe more. I told Mike that the next few weeks were going to rough and I'm sorry, but there will be a lot of crying and he is just going to have to get used to it!

If I have to be up and working by this time, why can't more places be open? We have a list of errands and tasks we need to accomplish this week and it sure would have been nice to get to some of those places this morning!

Not yet!

We had a rough night last night. It doesn't surprise me since Jake did seem to feel well yesterday. I'm not even sure how long or how many times I had to go settle him down last night before he went to sleep. Mike's sister came over and the two of them were being kind of noisy and it didn't help my process. His sister didn't leave until about eleven and my goal was to be in bed before ten. It was probably nine thirty before I got Jake settled in.


He woke up about two forty I think and it took two hours to get him happy enough to go back to sleep. I was so tired and stressed by the time that was all accomplished. I got in bed and I think I cried for half an hour before I fell asleep. I don't know how I am going do everything and be sane. I am not ready to go to work and give my baby to someone else. I don't have a choice. And I am really worried about our financial picture. Mike has really been getting yanked around at work again and his income is so terrible. We sat and talked the other night about if he were to do it all over again would he go to engine school or not. He doesn't think he would. I asked him where the friend was that stopped by on Thursday was on "the list" as far as going to school and Mike wasn't sure. They talked about it and Mike told him that if he really wants to drive the train then he should go, but if he wants to do it for job security like Mike did or if he wants to do it for higher earning potential than don't do it It isn't worth it. So far that is very very true.


I am getting headaches again. I would guess it is because I am stressing and maybe a little bit to do with hormones. I am so glad my headaches were better during my pregnancy. Thank God that was one thing that went my way! My skin is going to hell again and I would guess it is more of the same. I think that is so funny. Frustrating, but funny. My skin was the best it has ever been while I was pregnant.


I am so tired. If I can get Jake to go to sleep for more than ten minutes I might take a nap. I haven't even been able to get a shower yet today. The only thing I have been able to accomplish was to get the dishwasher unloaded. I guess I turned the dryer on too since it is still full of clothes I washed yesterday. They are going to be lovely! I need to get cleaning... Plus Mike and I need to get outside. It is supposed to snow tonight and tomorrow and we have leaves all over. The problem is maybe a tenth of our leaves have fallen. We have a lot of big trees with a lot of leaves.

I was planning on going to church tomorrow since I have only taken Jake once, but I'm not sure if I can do it. If it looks like I am going to be able to sleep I don't think we will go. Monday we have to start getting up before four so hopefully by the following Monday we can have our mornings figures out. I think I smell a dirty diaper on this little boy wiggling in my lap!

Pictures!

Today we went and ordered our pictures! Since we ordered so much we were able to buy the proofs for a "bargain" price and she will make us a CD too. We loved looking at the pictures on her web site but it is a hundred times better to be able to touch them and look at them.

We were all pretty tired and cranky. We had a really busy day yesterday and we were all cranky then. A friend wanted to come over last night because she hadn't been able to meet Jake yet. Our husbands grew up together and we came to work together. She doesn't work with me any more but we can still be friends as long as I don't tell anyone at work. (sad isn't it!!!) Anyway, they came to see us in the hospital while Jake was in the NICU so they didn't get to see him. I have been sending her pictures of him but we haven't been able to meet up. She has been having to take care of her sick grandpa and stuff. But she really wants to have a baby and her husband wants kids, someday. So I don't blame her for not trying harder to get here. I might be wrong about that, but I know how that feels to never be "the one." Now I am and I don't want her to feel bad. My husband is trying to work on her husband though.

So Jake was up later than usual. He ate and feel asleep so I put him to bed. I had wanted to give him a bath because he really needed one but it was already so late and he was cranky. I was trying to get some stuff done and the next thing I knew he was crying. I went in to check on him and he was extremely wet of course. I changed him and he was wide awake and smiling. So I decided it would be easier to give him a bath last night than this morning before we left. So we did. Mike loves to help. He takes him and dries him when I am done washing and they are just so cute together. Anyway, it was well after midnight by the time I got myself to bed and the alarm was set for 6. At least I got a little more sleep last night than I did the night before. Mike went to bed after I did. He is so sore from our trying to work out that he can hardly move.

Jake isn't acting like himself. I don't think he feels very well. Last night he was cranky and fussy and he is again today. He doesn't have a fever. He isn't congested. His nose isn't running. He doesn't have diarrhea and isn't constipated. He did spit up last night and that is only the fourth time I have seen him do that, but it was spit up, not vomit. He isn't coughing but he is just not himself. He is crying really easily and it doesn't seem to matter what you do. Anyway, this drive down and back wasn't as easy as the first one. I just hope Jake doesn't get sick. It makes me uneasy since we have been around a lot of extra people this week.

So we spent about a million dollars today, but we got a lot of Christmas presents! I'm glad no one in our family is complaining about getting pictures for Christmas. This is the third year in a row they have gotten professional photos from us. They all want them!

I scanned in most of the proofs today and here are but a few. I was getting kind of sloppy with my scanning it looks like. I kept getting a lot of static on the scanner and they would go crooked. Anyway, here is a sampling. We did change one of the pictures on the birth announcement. Mike didn't like the picture of Jake's head. I think he was jealous of all of Jake's hair and actually looking back now, he had lost some already. We put a close up of one of his hands on my hand there instead. We thought it balanced out with the feet on the other side. I just love her work. It was so hard to make a decision. I made an appointment for Jake's six month pictures with her too and Mike's eyes almost popped out of his head. I informed him we aren't getting anything like what we got this time! Some wallets, at least one 8x10 for ourselves and some 5x7s next time. We will have to wait and see if I hold myself to that. I think I will have too. I would like the proofs again but I don't know what she charges for them if you don't spend so much money. I will have to find out. Now I am trying to decide what picture to put in the newspaper for his birth announcement there. Both our parents have pestered us about that. I said we wanted to use a professional photo instead of one of ours because they always look so much better in our paper. They are all just so excited to brag and have everyone see their grandson and have people make comments to them about seeing him in the paper. I am glad they are all so excited!