Craziness

Life has been crazy around here. Jake is growing up way too fast. I am struggling to keep myself going. I am definitely back to trying to keep my head above water all week just to make it to the weekends. I hate living like that. I want to be able to find something better about the weekdays to go upon.

Jake is a crazy man. He just goes and goes and goes. He is not a sleeper. Everyday I pray for strength and sleep - mostly for Jake, but if he sleeps... My peanut, well, he has gotten to be just a bit of a thing. I think that is a common thing for "sickly" little kids. What he doesn't have in size he makes up for with will, plus noise. At his 18 month check up he was 24.2lbs coming in at 25th percentile. He was 31.75 inches tall - 50th % and his head is but a mere 18.5 inches - 25th %. The head surprised me. It still looks large compared to the other kids and it takes a lot of work to get shirts over that melon. He has been sick forever. We just finished an antibiotic and there is still green stuff. It is the cough that is so bad. Never ending breathing treatments. Fun!

Jake is into everything. He is still pretty laid back about climbing though. He gets up on the furniture by himself now. He likes to stand on one of his step stools to reach higher. He is super helpful. He wants to help with just about everything. I'm not one to pass that up even if it means a task takes me three or more times longer to complete. I am glad he wants to help. It won't last long. He wants to be outside all the time. He loves it. Snot running down his face and just a going and going outside. It used to be when we pulled into the garage he would ask for a snack, but now the first thing he says is "outside" about two dozen times in a panic. If nothing else we walk down the driveway and across the street to the mailbox and back. We might go for a walk or ride around on his little big wheel thing. I have been trying to work on some of the landscaping since the weather has been better and he has been helping me with that too.

Jake just talks up a storm. "No" is still his favorite word and sure likes "mine" more than I like. But he loves to toss out the "peedis." Yes, that would be how he says pen.is. He will be running along and stop and point and identify. As soon as the diaper comes off, he tells you. When you try to wipe him he grabs it and says MY peedis. That worries me a little bit. Why does he do that? Has anyone else encountered this? It just worries me a little bit.

He is still a horrible eater. He will hardly eat anything besides baby food and he has stopped eating the chicken and veggies. I get so frustrated. He even wants it for breakfast and snack. I always offer him something else. He plays with the food - pushes it around, picks it up and puts it down. When it starts going over the edge I take it away and he tells me he is hungry and I give him baby food. I don't know what else to do. He ate two full jars and a couple of bites out of a third for lunch today! He is hungry. I don't know. I have been making bread and he loves that. I just don't know what to do. I've been told he will eat food when he is ready. Great.

I went to my physiatrist about a month ago. I've been seeing him for my face pain. He had me ween off one of the medications I was taking because I was on a very small dose. (I had trouble taking it in the morning and I seemed to be fine so I just once a day instead of twice). I was still on another medication he put me on and the pain seemed to be controlled. So anyway, he had me stop this medicine. I had two weeks of hell! I had the worst headaches I have ever had in my entire life. I was absolutely miserable. Migraines and horrible horrible headaches. I called the doctor's office and his bitch of a nurse left me a message suggesting I try some ibuprofen. I was so mad. I wanted to know it this was normal and how long to expect it to last. I was to the point were I can understand accidental overdoses because you are in such horrible pain you literally can't see straight and you take something. Then you take more, then you take something else and more. But then one day they stopped. THANK GOD.

I am having a lot of trouble though. I am so tired all the time. Jake won't let me sleep. I have had the crud and am afraid I am getting it back. I know I am depressed. Things are still not going well at work. My boss isn't finished until April 15th but she has been gone more and more. Well, she had at least six weeks of vacation to use up. But I know she is also trying to leave us alone more and more since we will have to stand on our own two feet soon. The charge nurse is getting more and more stressed and has acted very inappropriately. I mean the things she has always done that weren't appropriate are way worse. I am not looking forward to this never ending transition. I mean we have been transitioning, literally, for the last three years. It just keeps getting worse instead of better. Yippee

Mike is a bit stressed as well. The railroad is laying people off every week. My friend that just recently got the PCOS diagnosis, her husband got laid off on Friday. This doesn't not help them on their IF journey. He is still pretty far from losing his job but as they lay people off it means more work for the people still there. They aren't decreasing the number of trains they are running just the number of people running them. It also means he went from holding a pretty good position to have a much crappier one. We are all stressed by that.

Yesterday I hurt my back. Jake and I were outside. I was cleaning out some rock and Jake went running toward the street. There were neighbors out across the street saying how cute he was and he went toward them. He didn't even make it to the sidewalk before I caught up to him but I scooped him up and was swinging him and tickling and I felt an explosion of pain in my back. I don't think that is good. The pain was horrible. I am wondering how people live with this all the time. I haven't been having any muscle spasms. I'm pretty sure that actually isn't a good thing. I think that means disk then. I am much better than I was yesterday, but it isn't good. I have trouble with certain movements. Right now it doesn't hurt at all but if I go to stand up I can hardly do it. Not good. I am going to talk to a doctor tomorrow. I don't know if there is anything I should do like a course of steroids or something. I am do not want to get an MRI and have any further evaluation at this time. I can not have back surgery! Hopefully I don't need it though.

I know I have more to say but I think that is enough for now. I know I don't come here very often any more and I don't think many other people do either. I do still like it because I can speak openly and freely about whatever and whomever I want. I don't have to have a polite filter than I might on FB or whatever.