I will survive...

So life has been different. I have been through such a roller coaster of emotions lately. It was so hard to leave my job. What I did love I really did love. I feel like that part of me has died a little. What sucked, I don't miss at all. But I miss the people, at least most of them, a whole lot. I miss my coworkers. I miss the doctors. I am used to working with a large number of people. Now I work with a very small number of people in a small tight space. They are all nice though. I am just used to something different. The first two weeks I was worried if this was a do-able job for me. I mean, I know I can learn what I need to learn, but what I was dealing with was not a one person job. And it wasn't, I had someone there with me. But it was such a disastrous mess. My first week on my own was okay. This week was okay, but I think last week was better. It is a different pace. There are still lots of issues to work out, but I think it will happen. It is not perfect. The patients tend to be... challenging. They love the doctor, but don't necessarily like what he has to offer them and much of that time I am the one with that news. We definitely have some challenging patients. That is fine, but they are very time consuming. I have some frustrations but it will get better. One of my biggest frustrations is the amount of time it takes to get things done. There are so many things that you rely on other people and if it takes them time, it holds you up. I can understand people's frustrations with health care. I have discovered that work comp is a nightmare to deal with. Many many of our patients are there with work comp. Hopefully, as I learn more, and as we figure more out, it will get faster. It seems like there has to be an easier way to do a lot of things and maybe there is and hopefully I will find it.



Our life is much different. We get up in the morning and have some time before we have to be out. It hasn't taken us much time to learn to sleep a little later which is FANTASTIC! Jake fights with me everyday worse than he ever has though about going to school in the morning. I have a lot more freedom now and it is strange to me. I can take a longer lunch and leave if I want. Maybe someday I will. I don't much. I tend to try to catch up on calls and paperwork at lunch but I have been forcing myself to try to take 30 minutes for lunch. On Mondays and Fridays I might leave though and then I will take longer. We have a lot of things that we have to get going still and I think it will take more than just me to do the job. They are looking at that though. There were a few surprises that I am not all that happy about, but there still things not set in stone yet so we will see.



It is wonderful to have close to the same hours everyday. I do have to push to get out by 5:30-5:40 sometimes. I have to though to get Jake. It is interesting to see a whole different world of people by having a different schedule or even a schedule. I have yet to get a "normal" paycheck so I am a little worried about that. We will see I guess. Mike has been gone a lot but it doesn't seem like he is working enough. Things are getting bad with the railroad and I think Mike is the closet he has ever been to being without a job. That does not make the pregnant wife feel good. Not at all. I didn't realize things were that bad again and now I am a bit more freaked out.



Jake is so freaking busy. Man, I wish I had his energy! He just goes and goes and goes! He is having a good summer though. Daycare has a ton of stuff planned for them to keep them busy. He starts swimming lessons on Monday for two weeks. I wish I could go with him. I would love to see that. Actually, it has me a little anxious since I'm not there and my baby will be in water! Jake is working on potty training. He is getting it. We still have awhile before he will be wearing underwear but we hare closer. He totally uses the potty against me though. When ever he wants to manipulate a situation he tells me he needs to go potty. You know, like when he is in time out, time to leave for school or when he doesn't want to do something. He is doing pretty well in his big bed. He won't get into the covers but that is not a big deal. He still wakes me up a lot. I have a lot of bad nights actually. This whole situation has had me pretty depressed, the weather and then pregnancy have had me just wanting to sleep tons.



I had an OB appointment today. I was down two more pounds this month. I thought it would be up this time but I was wrong. I guess I didn't remember what I weighed last time. I took my glucose tolerance test this week and passed just fine. I saw the midwife and I think that I am going to keep seeing her now. I have always liked her but I have felt obligated to see the doctors since I worked with them. She talked to me for a long time and everything she said made sense. Everything she said was on track with what I feel and what I want. I felt like I was finally being listened to. She has been delivering longer than any of the doctors we have now that deliver. I also think she will come in for me even if she isn't on call. When they made my next appointment they just automatically made it with her so I think I will just see her. Many, many years ago I wanted to become a midwife. I really did. But that was before I decided I hated school and when I thought I would be going into L&D when I got out of school. Anyway, I think that is what I am going to do. I have an appointment with an ultrasound in three weeks. She chuckled at all the notes on ultrasounds to be done on my chart. She was very professional, however, about talking about the difference between the newer doctors and the doctors that started the practice that she knows I am familiar with. The older doctors worked very hard to always be current with best science and best practice. They were never behind, which would surprise many people about our rural setting. Anyway, I just felt so comfortable with her so I will keep seeing her.