This and that

We are still hanging in there. I am not feeling great but not nearly as sick as I was with Jake. I still take meds most days because the days I don't are miserable. I may not get sick but at think I might at any given moment. Of course, that can still happen when I do take the zof.ran but that seems to be more situational. I know my husband couldn't have changed the poopy diaper I changed today without getting sick. Most of what makes me sick is an occupational hazard. I see and smell and hear things that the average population does not. I have had very little cramping and spotting too so that makes me feel better. Two more weeks and we get to see the baby. I can't wait to see a real looking baby this time.

Things at work have been... interesting. We are the shortest staffed I remember being and we have had heavy schedules. Normally this is our "slow" time. If this is slow, we are freaking screwed! We do have three people currently in orientation so that is great, but. BUT the first one to be out of orientation is ready to have a baby any second. She is going to take 8 weeks and then she will have to have some reorientation when she comes back. Hopefully it won't take long. She is pretty much ready to be on her own now, but we count on her being here for the entire day today much less relying on her being here tomorrow or the next day. But at least there is an end in site. We have two other people that not going to be out of orientation until June and July. The girl I'm orienting may actually be ready early. She is doing so well. I feel bad for her because I am really crabby and seem to get irritated easily. I'm glad she got to know me this past summer during her internship and not just now. I'm not sure about the other person. She isn't as willing to seek out learning experiences. So, basically, we are down three RN's from where we used to be and we are replacing only two of them. That means life is hell for the rest of us. We have fewer people to take late shifts so each person has to work more. It also means we have to call off some of those shifts because we don't have enough people to start the day so you are more likely to have to stay late. It also means fewer people to share the weekend load and to take share the call load. It is awful and not good timing for me, who is so freaking tired right now. It is also putting me in more situations where I am required to do physical things I shouldn't be doing while pregnant.

So this is also creating an added stress to my marriage. Mike is still having to stay home when I am and call. It has increased from 5 times in eight weeks to once a week and that is a BIG problem for him. It also means lost income. We have a potential lead on a high school age babysitter that may be able to stay with us overnight. My mom will also be transferring prisons soon and will be living and working in the same town. And that is only 30 miles away. She has said she can come stay with us during the week and on Sundays now when I am on call. Yes, she drives me nuts but that would be such a huge help. There just always ends up being a problem because eventually her personality gets in the way.

That brings to something else interesting. A month ago I was asked if I would be interested in a job in a doctor's office. The doctor is supposed to come the middle of March so it isn't anyone I have meet or know at all. Monday through Friday job. Eight thirty to five thirty job. HELLO!! This is exactly what I want, right? Yes, and no. The doctor is a physiatrist which is a kind of doctor I have seen not worked with. He is planning on being very busy and doing lots of procedures and actually, even some surgeries. Plus then there is the actual office work. I don't know anything about office work. Doesn't mean I can't learn it all. I may not know the specifics about the procedures yet, but I know that I can do. That is actually why they want an RN. There aren't very many office jobs for RNs which brings us to the primary problem. Pay. I have no idea what the pay cut will be. It doesn't mean I won't apply, once the job is actually posted. It is a friend that works in the same office that told me about this. This doctor is being brought in to better meet the needs of patients her surgeon sees. That surgeon is insanely busy and the new doctor will do some of the studies he currently has to try to fit in because no one else does them. I can see how great it will be for their office. I would actually get to share an office with her even. She knows all about the job and she has influence over who gets hired (her doctor does and he will say whatever she tells him to say). But she is not privy to anything about salary and is concerned that it will be a significant pay cut. There is the biggest problem. The one thing that might really stand in the way. If Mike doesn't have to stay home that will mean less income lost but I am thinking it is probably more like twenty plus thousand dollar pay cut. I hope I am wrong. I just currently make a lot more than just straight pay with overtime, call pay, clinical ladder (added income for all the things you do have done above and beyond), and as a service coordinator. I don't think Mike understands that. I have run numbers with him and he doesn't get it. And of course, we are adding another member to our household so that isn't the best time have a dramatic income decrease.

I have some other concerns that are benefit related that human resources should be able to answer for me but I don't want to put the cart before the horse. This office is part of the hospital system so I will still be under the same highest management but not a hospital employee. So naturally, as someone who is looking to have time off in the not so distant future, I want to make sure my EIBs and PTOs transfer across. I was planning on taking every last second I could off at my current job. I think I would be able to have enough time for 12 weeks. But if I change jobs now? I can't afford to be off without pay. I also have some concerns about how hard it would be for the office for me to be off for 12 weeks. I know that is what the law allows, but I'm sure that would be a problem. Obviously my friend knows and so does the doctor she works for that I am pregnant and don't have a problem with that and me being in the job.

I am also having huge mixed emotions about my job. I do like what I do. It certainly has its problems. But I really like MOST of the doctors I work with. I have put an enormous amount of time, work, and energy into what I do. I do like most of the people I work with. My unit manager has really made efforts to change and we can all tell. Those of us that know how things can be are waiting for the other shoe to drop, but she is doing so much better. I would feel so bad for leaving my coworkers even shorter than they already are. If I get hired for this other job I would have to give four weeks notice. Those would be the most miserable four weeks in my life I'm sure. I could take it, I know. But it really leaves everyone else in a pickle. But it is the late shifts and the call that are really driving me to need to leave for my family. This is huge with my husband. I just don't know. I guess I can't worry about it until I can actually apply for the job and interview and hear the numbers. I'm also afraid that we would have to change daycares if I change jobs, but I'm not even going there right now.

So, on a completely different note! Mike and Jake had a little man to man talk last night. It kills me that Daddy is able to have these talks with Jake and he listens to him!!! I might have to be the enforcer but Daddy can set down the law and he listens. Anyway, the discussion was that Jacob would sleep in his bed the whole night or if he got up like he always does, he would sleep in a sleeping bag on our bedroom floor and not in bed with us. I tried this the night before and it went over in a huge fit, but last night after their talk it worked. He whined a little but he climbed in the sleeping bag and slept there the rest of the night! I couldn't believe it. One step closer to sleeping in his own bed the whole night. It was awesome. Of course, Mike slept through the whole thing. It I wasn't so tired right now, I probably wouldn't have been ably to go back to sleep because I was so excited.

First real appointment

So the appointment went okay. Good news but not super good news. I forgot how much fun OB visit are! Wait. Wait. Wait. Get on a scale. Pee. Wait. Then the good stuff - paper work followed by a pap and std swabs! Of course this process was so much more painful because of the migraine I have today. I haven't had a really bad migraine in awhile. I get them once in awhile but they are thankfully dulled by medicine. Today, there was nothing. At least not until after the visit was finally over because she did give me a prescription for a little something that has helped some. Anyway, my doctor down played the spotting and cramping. She said it is common but I feel so crappy so that is good. She also said that the outside of my cervix was very fragile it started bleeding when she touched it. She said my uterus was nice and big but did want me to have an ultrasound today for my piece of mind. I heard how busy the sonographers were while I was waiting the first time so I knew I was in for a wait. That's fine. So she had them squeeze me between appointments and I only had to wait like another fifteen minutes or so in the waiting room. The waiting room was at least a little quieter by then since my head was throbbing.

So there was one little baby blob and I could see the little heart flutter right away. Very comforting. But there was was this big area that she kept looking at. Unless I am looking at a baby, I don't know what the hell I am seeing. I thought it was my bladder but it wasn't. It was a big collection of blood behind the placenta. So then I had to wait longer to see the doctor again because the sonographer said I really needed to see her again. That is what made me freak. So another wait, but at least this time I got to go into a quite and dark room. It was a procedure room filled with devices of torture but I recognized all of them so I wasn't too worried. Anyway, she came in an told me that this blood happens a lot and isn't usually a problem. She said the baby looks good. She said we will continue to monitor it and that I will probably bleed more. Can't wait. So we just keep going one day at a time like always!

Anyway, the baby had a nice heartbeat of 167 and measured right on. We have our next ultrasound in four weeks. I have bad nausea but don't vomit much. Zo.fran helps a ton. I have no energy but don't nap a lot.

On another subject, I have been thinking of figuring out how to have my blog password protected. It hasn't been an issue until just recently. It is a quiet little blog where I can express myself. I am used to having the occasional stray visitor but something has changed. I have had more hit this year so far than I did all of last year. That wouldn't be such a big deal if I didn't keep getting really strange emails and comments that don't mean anything at all. I like to drop in on blogs that are new to me every now and again so it is nice to have access. But getting harassing emails and weird comments gives me the creeps. I realize I have been sharing my private thoughts and feelings with the whole world, but the whole world hasn't noticed so it hasn't been a problem.

scared

cramping and spotting today. appointment tomorrow. wait