hangning in

Life is still stressful. I sat in a meeting this afternoon for an additional hour after my shift ended. All I could think about was getting and walking out, forever. What the hell am I doing?? I am ready to strangle my "temporary" boss. We have a new one starting soon and I hope, I pray that they kick this lady to the curb. Is that going to happen? No, she has a contract for some crazy amount of money until the end of August and then will be a consultant until 6 major projects are completed. Or so she says. I don't know if the hospital will go for that. I'm sure it is a TON of money. Besides, we are hoping the new boss disagrees with some of things she is pushing. Anyway, she has made my life very difficult. Much more so than before. She keeps piling on the work. Every Monday she gives us more and more. The charge nurse doesn't give us any time to work on these minor projects. ha! I am sorely irritated that I am doing all this extra work for $80 a pay period. I would love to say I am done, but that won't happen. They won't let me quit this extra work without leaving the whole job. I am so tempted. Oh wait, I have to have a different job to do that! Anyway, she chewed me out for not questioning whether a doctor was credentialed to do a surgery or not. I never in a million years would have questioned this. It was just a small portion of the surgery she is yelling at me about. It is all about paperwork and not the doctor's abilities. I was just livid. LIVID. I checked into it and the person that can help is injured. Great. So I went to the medical director over surgical services and told him. He was shocked. Nurses being told to question doctors? So I hope I won't be getting my head chopped off tomorrow.

Speaking of chopping off - Jake took off the end of his thumb Saturday. He was playing in the storage container cupboard. We have a safety catch on the outside of the doors and then on the inside as well. He can get them open in less than 1o seconds. The main reason those doors are latched is because he makes such a big mess. Well, in the midst of his mess he cut his little thumb on the edge of a zi.p.loc storage container. Are they sharp? They aren't supposed to be. I was cooking dinner just feet away from him and he screamed for me and there was blood all over. OMG was there blood. I thought he cut his hand off. I was shocked. I had to struggle to see where the blood was actually coming from because it was all over him. I still don't know how he did it but the container is obviously gone. I held pressure on his little thumb for fifteen minutes and it didn't help. I didn't want to take him to the ER and have them tell me I was an idiot for bringing him there so I took him across the street to the neighbors. My neighbor and his dad were outside. They are both paramedics and flight nurses. My neighbor is actual now a nurse practitioner and been a nurse in two wars now being deployed multiple times. So anyway, I thought he could at least tell me if I was being silly or I really should go to the hospital. He looked at it and said it was pretty serious since there was no way to actually close the wound. This I know. But I don't know how they treat it when it is like this. I know what to do when it is worse, but this is in a grey area for me. He put a huge band aid on it and wrapped it with something I wasn't familiar with and then put a bunch of tape over it to try to keep it on. I know little kids. Half of them have their dressings off by the time we get them to the recovery room. Thank God Jake left it on. The goal was for it to fall off in the bath Sunday night, but I was presented the dressing and the thumb when I was trying to sleep Sunday morning. It looked like hell! It looked so painful. But thank you, Jesus, it wasn't bleeding. I got a couple of band aids on it and I wrapped it with some coban. That stayed on until after his bath and we put on another that is still on now. I was just sure it would fall off at daycare and start bleeding again. Hopefully we are past the bleeding now. If we had gone to the ER they would have had to cauterized it. That is so painful. I would have been crying too. So we are still good and he still wants to play in that cupboard.

Now on a daily basis we are talking about baby number two. Mike wants to start trying now. Mike is the one that gets to sleep. Although Jake is doing much better, but he still doesn't sleep all night in his bed every night. But it is better. He gets up very early and stays up way too late for me. I think it was about 845 when he fell asleep in the chair. He still screams until he barfs if you put him in his crib to go to sleep. I just don't know what to do about that. I am just tired of cleaning up vomit. Anyway, it is still a little earlier than I want to have a second baby. Mike keeps reminding me that I am thinking in the world where I get pregnant the first time we try and I need to wake up. Nice huh? He is right, but what if? Maybe... Then he reminds me that maybe Jake was our one on a million and it will take more than just a year of trying on our own this time and some hormones. Nothing like another slap in the face! But he is right, but what if... I want them to be two years apart in school so that would mean Jake needs to be three since his birthday is at the end of August. I guess there is still a chance we won't hold him back but I doubt. He is doing really well, but he is a boy and I am already sick thinking about how we are going to handle daycare then. I have been planning on stay on bcp's until the end of October. That has been my mindset and then we will have to figure it out.

The good news is that Mike's work situation has kind of leveled out a little. The railroad has hired back a few people. That puts him higher up the list. I am no longer worried on a daily basis if he will have a job and where it will be. But, we never dreamed they would cut so many people to begin with. It is still touchy. Mike says we will figure it out and we won't let it stop us having another baby. We have to feed it and diaper it. But we will work it out.

I went in to work today in a good mood because today is my tenth anniversary at my job. Too bad my boss had to poop on it.