Thanksgiving

We made it through our first official holiday. I want to gripe about my mother and how insensitive she is and all the stupid things she did or said but I won't. I will be thankful instead that I have a mother, even my mother. That doesn't me I won't bitch to my sister tomorrow, because I'm sure I will. But right now I am going to be thankful of all that I have. I have a strong and supportive husband who is working with me through the rough times. I have a great sister who is there whenever I need her. I just wish it wasn't through the phone so much and more in person. But I am extremely thankful that her family will be here at Christmas time! I am thankful that I have in laws that are more than willing to help me with the thing that I am most thankful for of all. I have my precious little boy. God gave me the best gift ever this year. I have had a bumpy path but what was at the end was so worth it! I am so thankful for little Jacob. (He got his second tooth on Thanksgiving. Two teeth at 12 weeks 1 day!!! I can't believe it. He occasionally bites too. We have to get that worked out. I don't want to stop breastfeeding him yet).

The week in review and the week to come...

This week was horrible. I had to work three late shifts. I only managed to leave on time once the entire week. I mean I only got to leave at the scheduled end of my shift once this week. I only got to pick Jake up from daycare once this week. Thank God it was Friday. It made the week less difficult when I got there and he smiled at me. I know this week was unusual because we had things going on every single day for PeriOerative Nurses' Week. It actually sucked. There were people not doing things all over the place but I was working really hard. It just pisses me off. You should not see someone sitting in the break room talking on their cellphone when we are still trying to get all the first cases set up. The laziness of some of my coworkers never ceases to amaze me. I should be used to it by now, but I'm not.

I also had a student start with me and she is different than any other student I have had before. I'm not quite sure how to deal with her. All the previous students I have had have actually wanted to work in the OR. This one made it very clear to me right away that she already has a job on the floor that handles cancer patients and lots of patients with more long term illnesses. She just didn't get to see much while she was a student in the OR and thought it might be interesting to come and watch. She isn't there to learn what I do at all.

I'm also not all that over joyed about the week to come. I have a terrible day on Monday. A case I have never done with the new plastic surgeon - an all day case with more cases to follow. And the rest of the rooms look just as bad. And then there is the family. Some how I am having Thanksgiving at my house again. It is just my family. My mom, my aunt, my husband if he is home and me. I didn't invite anyone. My mom and aunt will be staying with me. That is all fine. The thing that bothers me is that I had to buy food for these people for several days. I spent almost three hundred dollars at the grocery store last night and I didn't get much for us to eat. I got necessities for the house and diapers and stuff, but not dinner for us before they come. We really can't afford this and I have directly told those my family this and they don't care. Well, they will do the cooking so I don't have to. That isn't my issue! My mom said she would make a salad and the sweet potatoes. Well, that helps, but there is breakfast lunch and dinner for several days. Oh well, I guess. Mike and I could both stand to lose a few pounds.

Then there are my in laws. They are trying to get me over to their house everyday this next week. I need to get my house ready for company. Of course it isn't about me at all. If I just drop Jake off and come home and clean they would be happy. It would help me, but I really like to spend every bit of time I can with the baby. He is growing up so fast and this past week was horrible about seeing him. I was trying to get ready every morning so I didn't get to just be with him like I can in the evenings. Then he would be asleep and I would wake him up to eat when I would get home everyday but Friday.

I have really been gripy haven't I? I want to be with my baby while he is still a baby. He is everything and since I have to work to keep a roof over his head I will, but I still hate it.

They came!

We got our pictures today!!! I am so excited. My husband drove down to get the pictures. After the wait and for what they cost we figured he would go get them. Quite honestly, even with gas prices as they are it was still probably cheaper to drive than have them sent with all the insurance. They are spectacular. The two giant canvases we got are worth every penny, every bit of torture I am put through to earn that much. Jake's eyes are amazing in both of them. He looks like a wise old man in this brand new body. I can't wait to get them hung up! We are still trying to decide where exactly they are going and how we are going to rearrange the entire house to focus on these pictures. I know someday Jake is going to think they are stupid, but he will have them forever.

I am so glad tomorrow is finally Friday! This has been the longest week ever! I can't wait to pick up my baby after work and snuggle him. I haven't gotten to pick him up since Monday. I haven't gotten one of those special grins that tells you how much you mean to him since Monday! Maybe I will go back to work on Monday and maybe I won't...

I hate it

I'm ready to be done now. I hate going to work and not getting off until 8pm to come home and to my baby asleep. He wakes up for a minute to give me a smile and nurse for about two minutes and then off to sleep again. I hate it. I don't want to do this anymore I want to be with my baby again. I want to hold him instead of paying someone else to stick him in a swing and leave him there to sleep. I want to feed my baby instead of someone else giving him a bottle and not encouraging him or giving him enough time to eat more than 3 ounces. When he gets a bottle outside of daycare he takes 5-6 every time, not 2 or 3. I want to be with my baby. This is killing me. Getting up so early and giving him away most days and then getting up and trying to get a few things done before work, then having to stay late and not get to see my baby. I just hate it. I am miserable. I don't know what else I can do. I just miss Jacob so much.

Kirsten put one of her daughter's sweet pictures here and I thought I would toss on one of Jacob's that I like. He is 1521, as seen in a previous post. http://www.simplytoimpress.com/photo-contest/index.php

Have you hugged your OR nurse today?

This week is OR Nurses' Week and tomorrow is OR Nurses' Day. I don't quite understand how there is a day and a week. If you have a "week", why do you need a "day?" I don't know, but we have really needed something positive in our department. The thing is, we have organized all sorts of stuff for the week. WE have, our department has to do all the work to celebrate ourselves. Sure, that is something we should do, but shouldn't your employer do something? Every type of area in the hospital has its own week and/or day. But our hospital doesn't do anything to say "we appreciate you" to all the areas. They can easily do the same thing for each and every area. Cater a lunch. Give everyone coffee mugs or T shirts or something. Not even a "good job" or "well done." That makes you feel appreciated doesn't it? Oh, well at least the department has worked hard to celebrate each other. We did have one of our nicer doctors buy the whole department lunch today. That was very nice of him.

Surviving

We are surviving. I had to work this last Saturday and my mom came to watch the baby. It was awful. My mom now feels she can tell us what to do all the time. I was ready to kill her by the time she finally left. Poor Mike was ready long before then. Jake came home from daycare on Thursday with a cough and a stuffy nose. Mike picked Jake up after just a few hours on Friday so he could be home and not around the sickies there. I made it very clear to my mom that I wanted Jake to be home and not around anyone else. She wanted to take him shopping. She wanted to take him shopping in a carrier. She wanted Mike to take them to the mall so she could haul her grandson all over the germy place. He told her to go and he would watch Jake. She really does have a shopping sickness. Her wardrobe and shopping were about all she could talk about it and was driving me nuts. She can't pay her bills, but she can go buy new clothes. She has an insane amount of clothing. I mean truly insane.

Anyway, letting my mom come down and watch Jake when I work weekends isn't going to work. She just disregards our wishes completely. Mike got Jake dressed and she took off his jeans because they were "too tight on his tummy." I put the same jeans on him the next day. I can put three finger sideways (meaning there is over two inches of space). The issues just went on and on.

I can't believe this has happened. Jake's first tooth has broken through. It happened yesterday at ten weeks and four days! The blood blister popped when he was nursing in the morning and he screamed. He is such a good screamer. There is nothing wrong with his lungs now! Anyway, last night I felt the actual tooth for the first time. He is drooling like mad. He is pissy as hell and he had his first tooth break through. I just can't believe it. I don't want him to grow up so fast! I LOVE his gummy grin. I want to keep it as long as I can. I really don't know if there will be any other babies in our future and I just want to keep this one little as long as I can! Jake slept seven straight hours Saturday night too. That is the first time we have done that. It was great! I hope it starts happening with regularity!

One week down, the rest of our lives to go

We made it. I don't know how well, but we made it. The day before I went back to work, Jake started screaming. I don't mean crying, I mean screaming as hard as he can for long periods of time. Like he is in terrible pain. I felt so good about going to work the next day and leaving him. What if he did this at daycare? Was I going to get a call after a couple of hours to come get my baby?



The first day went fine. I dropped off a sleeping baby and felt horrible all day that my baby had to wake up in a strange place with strange people taking care of him. I called and checked on him. Mike was home or around all day so I knew at least he could pick him up or go be with him if nothing else, until I could get there. Now work, that was another story. I felt like I was in a foreign country when I got there in the morning. It felt awful. By afternoon I was feeling like it was a familiar place at least. The schedule was horrible though and there wasn't anyone to relieve me. On top of it all, I was in pain. One of my coworkers took pity on me and volunteered to stay so I could go. Thank God. I was there an extra hour and she had to stay two more. I owe her. I haven't done anything but I need to. I had called Mike and told him I didn't know when I was going to be able to get out and he was on his way to pick up the baby when I called and told him I was coming home so he turned around and I went and got the baby. He was sleeping when I got there. I picked him up and he begrudgingly opened his little eyes. He blinked a few times and then he gave me a big smile. That is when I started bawling.



The rest of the week went okay. I had to take my first call and it was really easy thank goodness. But Jake is crying pretty much the same time every evening for up to two hours. He is also waking up at night and staying awake for about two hours. They are letting him sleep way too much at daycare. It is easy for them to do that. They have the more active babies to chase after and Jake is more than happy to just sleep in a swing. I am a bit frustrated with this. But it could be worse.



So poor Jake has my sensitive skin. He has odd little ears. They aren't all that little but they are flat up against his head. When he sleeps on them he can get moisture back there and the skin starts breaking down. Sunday before I started work he had a yeast infection behind one ear and I thought that might be his crying. His skin cracks along the creases and with all that moisture it grew yeast. We got that cleared up by Tuesday. His poor eczema is bad and I thought he might be crying because of that. And then there is the cradle cap. It looks like the most painful of all of the skin ailments. It cracks and bleeds. Poor baby. I put baby oil on it like the doctor said and it makes a crust on his poor head, like a helmet. It is awful. But no that is not the source of his pain. He IS in fact teething. My baby who will be ten weeks old tomorrow is actually teething. He has two giant purple lumps in the front of his mouth and when you rub those lumps you feel two teeth barely under the gum. The poor boy is covered in drool. He is chewing his hands whenever he can get them in there. We are holding teething toys in his mouth for him since he isn't coordinated enough to do it himself yet. The poor little guy. At least we figured out why he is so upset.


I am so freaking exhausted though. I just can't get enough sleep. I try to get to bed early and I don't. I have to get up so stinking early and Jake is waking up a lot. I didn't go to work until late today and he was up by four thirty. I wasn't able to get any extra sleep over the weekend. I am just so stinking tired. Which I need to go to bed now, but I thought I would come post while I had the chance. Now I have to take the dogs out and pump. I hope I can stay awake that long! Nothing like falling asleep with a breast pump attached.