I don't want to say it outloud

...but things are going a lot better. Sleeping, much better. We have had a rough go but he is being able to go to sleep after you put him in bed. He is still waking up in the night but mostly now it is in the early morning and I just leave him. He is down to crying or fussing for 5-10 minutes and then he will go back to sleep! This means mommy can sleep. This is also helping us with the hurdle of weening. That had not been going so well. When he is in bed with me he wants to suck the entire time practically. When he is upset that is what he wants. It immediately calms him down. But it is better. I'm not sure how I will feel by morning but he only nursed once today. I don't have a lot of milk but I still do have some. I am already feeling a bit uncomfortable, but I know that is just going to be.

(Here is an example of seeing Mommy do something and then Jake does it.)
(Jake loves to get under my sink. There isn't really anything bad in there. He just carries embarrasses his dad by carrying feminine products around the house. I think that is good for dad, especially since he hasn't put a latch on the doors. He hasn't done that because we are going to replace the nasty sink with a pedestal. But we have to be ready to do the floors when we do that. That is a lot of work for Mike. You would think he would just put the latches on instead!)

Mister independent. I said something to Mike about toddlers and Mike got mad at me. Jake isn't a toddler yet. But honey, he is. No, he is still a baby! No honey, our baby is now a toddler. That hit daddy pretty hard. The only problem with Jake's eating is the actual consuming of food. He is a terrible eater! I'm not really sure what he managed to actually eat tonight. Maybe a teaspoon of corn kernels and maybe a bite of bread and a 1" section of banana. The only thing he still eats well is baby food. I am trying hard to get him to eat food. He does great about putting food in his mouth and chewing it. Then he puts more. Pretty soon he spits out a huge mouthful of chewed but not swallowed food. I don't know what to do. This is especially true with meat.
Here we throw toys into the laundry room! This is the best game. Now if only it also involved hide and seek.
Poor Molly is such a good sport. What else can she do?
He just loves her and she is so good to him. She gives me the most pathetic looks though.
I forgot to say, that teeth 15 and 16 FINALLY burst through this weekend. They are so long it is hard to believe they weren't there Friday. You could feel that though.

Life has been a bit crazy. Jake and I have been sick for two weeks and that doesn't help at all. Bronchitis, sinusitis, aches, fevers, tiredness, crankiness, breathing treatments, coughing, coughing, coughing, and that is mostly me. Jake has a cough too but he is mostly better. We just can't get his little sinuses to clear up. We finally went to the doctor yesterday and I got steroids, my own nebulizer suppliers, and antibiotics. I thought I was getting better but the coughing at night got a ton worse. It was taking two hours to get the coughing settled down. So that meant I kept waking myself and Mike up. Jake has been doing a little better with his sleeping. He is staying in bed longer before needing to come in our room. I just don't know if it is because he is sick or because he is doing better.

Jake is just changing by leaps and bounds. He is so busy and he is so much fun. Most of the time. I love how I will see him do something for the first time but it is totally his mimicking what we do. He stole my comb and was combing his hair. He likes to play with all our phones, but yesterday he picked up the phone on the fax and just jabbered away. He made different sounds than you usually hear and it was just so cute! He likes to eat rice crispies because he likes to pick up each individual piece and eat it. At least that keeps him occupied for awhile. He is so independent on his eating now! He really likes to feed himself. With his right hand he uses the spoon. With his left hand he shovels it in with his fingers. He loves to throw his hands up and say "all done" when he is done eating. He just walks and walks and walks. He still likes to crawl or bend over with his FP train car. It is the one that has the bar for the monkey to hang. He has used that bar as his walker for ever. It is sooo cute and funny to see him. Last weekend he was pushing it around the house and filling it up with what ever - little people, pens (his favorite thing ever) cars, animals - and he would take it into the kitchen and go to his baby gate and chuck everything out across the landing and down into the laundry room. You come in from the garage into the laundry room and there are two steps up into the house. There is a landing there that has a pantry for the kitchen and then the steps that go to the basement. Then there is another doorway into the kitchen and that is where the baby gate is. So he tosses the stuff pretty far. He just loves it. If you leave the door open to the laundry room you better watch your step because there is no telling what he has thrown in there. He pushed a laundry basket across the kitchen floor about fifteen feet and took it to the doorway/top of the steps into the laundry room. I took the first clothes out and put them into the washer. As soon as he saw me taking things out he started throwing them down for me. It was so funny.

He still hates riding around town. I haven't turned his seat around in my car yet. I went to and discovered that it says 22 pounds and 34 inches before front facing. I thought it was 20 pounds and I didn't remember there was a length minimum. Our other two seats don't have length minimums on them and they both say 20 pounds. He was 22lbs 4oz at our appointment yesterday with his clothes and shoes on. I'm not sure if he is 30 inches long yet. I don't know if I can wait until he is 34 inches. He is just so miserable in my car and perfectly content in Daddy's. That seat is only a front facing. He has no problems at all with it. Of course he hardly ever rides in the pickup with Daddy.

We got his Halloween costume and it is so cute. I can't believe I spent so much on a baby's costume but it is so cute. It is a monkey and he is adorable. We are going to have to practice wearing it some because he doesn't like the hat. It has just been too hot to wear it much yet. I have to get him used to it quick though because he is getting his picture taken in it next Sunday. I am driving all the way to our photographer because is having a Halloween special. He will get like 10 minutes and we pay fifteen dollars for one 5x7 and she is donating it all to the park where she takes her outdoor pictures. If we order anything additional she donates her profits to the park too. Jake's pictures didn't do the park justice. It is really a beautiful park. It has lots of different planting areas, separate gardens. Jake wouldn't cooperate so you could see all the beautiful flowers. He would only sit on the ground under them and pick at dirt. I am hoping there are some beautiful fall colors to go along with the costumes.

I love fall. I wish we weren't having a heat wave right now because this is my favorite time of year. I love the crisp air. I love changing leaves. I love the break from the heat. Fall always seems to have a different energy. Kids are back in school and life seems like it is underway. Football is back. I love going to football games. I sure hope Jake likes football. There is only one thing that is a little hard for me. This is the time for Homecomings. Last week was one town five miles away. This weekend is the town where we now live and next weekend is the town where we used to live. It just makes me sad because I don't feel like I have a place that I am from or home base. I know I need to stop whining about it and I just need to set down my own roots. I don't know. I just wish I had a "home town."

Work has been crappy. Things have really been changing. "They" are telling us it is for the better, but I'm just not so sure. We have been really busy again for awhile and now we are not. We are having to cut hours because our department needs to cut costs and yet we are seeing how the hospital is spending a huge amount of money on marketing. They have put up a new giant sign. It cost more than I make in a year. And then they have replaced all the smaller signs, like the one that says "pharmacy" and "emergency." I mean these are still large individual letters that light up on the out sides of the hospital and there are probably ten of them. I would say the letters are at least 2 feet tall. They have completely changed the letterhead and all the marketing literature. We are talking a lot of money. And I am having to go home early. We have a lot of other big problems and very few answers right now. I am afraid for some of our jobs. I think I will be okay, but I don't know what will happen. How will they decided if they do need to cut?? Not the best feeling. Especially when I have a, gulp, toddler I keeping wanting to get photographed.

I have started thinking about the when and the if and the what if we can't of another baby. All the people pestering me finally has me starting to think. I'm not ready to start trying yet but it does have me thinking. I just found out another coworker is pregnant and I most certainly got the pang of envy. I know I really do want another child. I am still having hard time thinking of having to make Jake share the limited time I have. I also am thinking about how little help my husband is in taking care of Jake. I am still a little gun shy of being pregnant, but I am starting to think of it as something sooner than later. I still don't know when we should start trying. I wish I had a crystal ball. I don't know what made things finally work last time. I suspect it was the progesterone, but I don't know for sure. I just know daycare for two at our current daycare would be a problem, but not quite enough of a problem for me to quit. Daycare for two, at our current daycare, would take 85% of one of my two week checks. That is more than we can afford for sure. Our next step would definitely be private daycare, but that has its problems. Mike thinks we ought to consider paying his mom, but I don't want to do that. First she would have to come to our house not hers and she won't do that. I'm not going to pay to completely furnish her house with everything Jake needs and then have his stuff at home. But I don't think there is anyway she could take care of two kids full time. I don't think she could handle it. Mike and his dad have talked about it, but I just don't think she can do it. Besides, Jake really likes being around people, even he got sent home with a "very mean" description of his behavior this week.

They are here!

I saw Jake on our photographer's blog this morning so I knew that meant today we should get the password to see the pictures. I have been trying to study but it has been hard because I want to see my boy and the magic Kelly works. Well no email. I just got a text from one of my coworkers telling me how good our pictures are and it didn't sound like she was talking about the blog. She guessed the password and let me know a few minutes ago. She has had her pictures done like six, seven, eight times there so she is more familiar with the complex password system. ha ha So anyway if anyone is interested my beautiful boy (not biased) can be seen at http://www.kellyhighbyphotography.com/slideshows/ The highly complex password is "jacobc" Please enjoy if you like.

More words, more whining

I feel like I should have something profound to say for my 250th post but I don't. I am having a bit of a rough time right now. I have a lot of stress right now. I am trying to study for a certification test. I am having to act as the afternoon charge fairly frequently and that puts me right next to my boss. I have to have my annual evaluation in the next couple of weeks. I have been asked to DO some of my coworkers annual evaluations. A form got passed around rating me and the unique job I do. (it would be nice to have warning that was going to happen). I have two difficult classes coming up. Some lady is hounding me from church to do home visits on new moms. There are several people on this group, none of whom are doing anything yet I am the only being hounded. Oh yeah, and I am trying to be a good mom to my little boy and something about being a wife too.

I am feeling overwhelmed. I am really tired too. I don't know what to do to get Jake sleeping better. I keep trying different things. I guess he is as stubborn as Mike and I and I just need to stick with it better. I just need to sleep and struggling with him at 11, 12, or 1 in the morning is just killing me. Man, can that boy scream!

The thing that is bothering me the most is that I am feeling really lonely. I keep making efforts to reach out to some people and I am get shot down. It is hard not to take it personally so I do. I wonder what I did to make them not want to be my friend or wonder what is wrong with me that they don't want to spend time with me. Someone convinced me I need to be using Face.book. So I signed up. I don't know what the hell I am doing. I haven't spent much time with it. But I did realize there isn't much point because you have to friends using it too.

I don't know what my problem is. I do know I need to quit feeling sorry for myself though. I'd like to run away for awhile.

On this date...

One year ago today we brought our little peanut home. I have been all weepy the past few days and I haven't been sure if it was hormones or memories or what. My how our world has changed. I wouldn't want it any other way. Well, I might change the sleep thing a bit...

Tagged

I was tagged by Nurse Lochia a long time ago but because I am technologically retarded it takes me a long time to remember or figure out how to do something. Here are the rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you
2. Post the rules to your blog
3. Write 6 random things about myself
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
5. Let each person you have tagged know by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is posted.

Gosh, random things. I'm not that deep and that is how I post anyway but here's a try.

1. I am a total freak at work about having everything in its right place. I want everything neat and tidy. As soon as I walk out the hospital door I am a total slob. I don't care if everything gets picked up until I know that company is coming to my house and then I dash around the house like a chicken with my head cut off trying to pick everything up. My house isn't dirty for the most part, just not picked up. We have gotten much better since having Jake.

2. To this day I would have hot dogs and mac & cheese for dinner almost every night if I could. My husband isn't a fan and Jake can't eat it. I pray that someday this is something I can share with my son. I also believe that spaghetti-o's are comfort food. My mom wasn't much of a cook!

3. I only wear pants at home because I have to. Before Jake and when we lived out in the country I would take my pants off as soon as I got dogs out. I should just invest in some scrubs to wear at home and then it would be easier. Or I wear jammies like right now. As soon as I was done shopping today I put on a pair of flannel pj bottoms. They match my shirt! It did slow me down to have to change back into my jeans when I was dashing about the house trying to pick up when a friend called and said they were stopping by. (she knows to call a head).

4. I have an irrational fear of misplacing my tweezers. My husband now understands he will be killed if he touches my tweezers. God forbid he use them to do something. I was born with a uni brow. My husband kind of has one. He actually has three separate areas of hair growth - just an extra but separate brow in the middle. Poor Jake was doomed. My husband finally admitted today that Jake has one. My mother would not let me do anything with my eyebrows until I was in 7th grade or maybe even 8th. She just didn't understand how traumatizing this was for me. I remember being so excited when my grandma offered to take me to get my eyebrows waxed when I was about 9 or 10. My mother wouldn't allow it. She didn't get it. Nor did she get the social need to wear a bra, shave my legs, or wear makeup. I don't know when most girls started wearing bras. I moved to a small town and all the other girls were wearing training bras in fourth grade so I wanted to also. To be honest, I did actually have some breast development so it wasn't unreasonable.

Wow two more...
5. I have been afflicted with insomnia since puberty. For a number of years, during most of high school and college, I was prescribed an antidepressant to help me sleep. Now I am so freaking exhausted I can sleep most nights if Jake would let me. He sleeps worse now than he did when I started back to work. He is waking up around eleven almost every night and then wakes up again in the 1-2 range and then again most mornings before my alarm goes off. I can't take the crying so he ends up in bed with us. I have to get some sleep. My back is killing me though because I sleep on my side so he can nurse when he wants. (we are making a little bit of ground on the weening, but this will be the hardest). Believe me I want more than anything to leave him in his room, but he doesn't stop crying. I have to get some sleep and since Mike either is gone to work or is sleeping like the dead it is all up to me.

6. I am an excellent teacher for things you have to do standing across a patient or table for most people. A) I am just that good and B) since I am left handed it works really well to be able to mirror things. One thing that stands out in my mind is putting in a foley catheter. I know it isn't a lot to be proud of but believe me it is helpful to the person learning because I am comfortable across the table. What will happen when the day comes that they give me a left handed person to teach? I don't know. It hasn't happened yet, but I will figure it out. I'm not ambidextrous

Pathetic confessions, I know. Now for the poor people I have to tag
1 Becca
2 Linlee
3 Faith
4 Kirsten
5 Stephanie
6 Hopeful Mother

Celebration!

Look Mom, it's cheese. Okay, it is rice cheese, but it actually tastes like American cheese. He loves it. I was happy that our store had it! Now I will try taking fake cheese and substitute noodles and making fake macaroni and cheese!

Here is the pooped out boy after our trip to the zoo!

So we had a pretty good birthday party. It was hot but the shade of our patio was nice. The food was good and Jake loved to entertain his guests. He wasn't so sure about the cake at first. I should have taken it out of the fridge sooner so the frosting could soften up some and be easier for him. It wasn't too bad of a cake. We will have to buy the cake mix again. I didn't like the frosting very much. I'm not sure if it was the fake butter or the frosting mix, but one of them had a very strong butter taste. I love butter, but I love real butter and this was too much. We will have to try something else or the cake was good enough for no frosting. Jake ended up with a terrible belly ache about 10:30 and I am attributing it to the cake. I was within 5 minutes of taking him to the hospital, but he started calming down.

One of my friends took such good pictures for me that it is almost like watching a movie. It was nice to have someone else taking pictures for once. Jake really got into the cake. There was cake a good ten feet away from his highchair. Once he figured out how the more he got into the cake the more all the girls cheered he had a ball! It was great. The one bad thing was that the fake butter is made from vegetable oils and he was slicker than snot even after the bath. His skin was sure soft the next day though!

So after his bath we opened presents. He could have cared less. I thought he would get into the paper and the bags but he didn't care at all. In the very first bag we opened there was a phone and that held his interest for quite some time.
Look a rare picture of mom! Mike's mom (in the background) was all in a tither before she came over. She gets all freaked out when there is an event. She likes events to be at her house and she gets all uptight before they happen. I called and asked Mike's sister to come over and watch Jake while I went to pick up food because my mom was late. When she got here she said she was so relieved to get out of her mother's house because she was having "the big one." I was exhausted because I literally had no sleep the night before between my two boys and I just didn't want to deal with her and how she gets. However, I was pleasantly surprised. After the initial "she's here" moments, she really settled down and actually had a good time. She had a couple of little mini fits, but they were easily ignored. It didn't help that my mom ended up being five hours late from the original time she was to be here. She was actually about an hour late for the party. That is her way of drawing attention to herself. Oh well. No one really cared so she wasn't a big deal either. So neither grandma ruined the day! Grandpa and dad both consumed a bit of beer but they were okay too. Mike just isn't a big gathering kind of guy. He doesn't do well with company. He and my best friend's husband do pretty well together so Doug helped keep him calm. Plus Mike's sister helps keep him relaxed. So all was well.

Yesterday I even got Mike to church. I thought he was going to die, but he did it. We FINALLY got Jake baptized. If we ever have another baby we will make sure we do it sooner. Jake was a bit of a stinker but church is during his nap time. He was asleep not ten minutes after his baptism was finished. I couldn't believe Jake sniffed his daddy's feet after we got home from church. Mike has major, MAJOR foot odor issues.

So our little Jake is really becoming a boy. He starting walking on Wednesday and is doing pretty well with it. He will take about a dozen steps at a time. He also has discovered that there is a world above what is at his chest level and we are in trouble! He is a little fella now. He weighed in at 21lbs 4 oz, and is 29 inches long at his appointment. Both were 50th percentile. His head however is 19 inches which is 95th percentile. Our doctor said he is going to be very smart with such a big head. I said, well, at least he will wear a big hat and she laughed. He is very chatty and you can understand most of what he says. He is finally saying "mama" regularly. He will say back just about anything you say. He says thank you every time he gives you something or takes something from you. He calls a lot of things "kitty."

I have loved being off for almost a week. I don't want to go back. We have had some really bad nights and I don't know if it is because we are out of our routine or because they were just going to be bad nights. I have really enjoyed my time with Jake and with Mike. I wish I could get used to this. I think Jake is starting to like it too. The only thing is that he is a very social little guy and I know he likes all the people at daycare. He will be in his new room tomorrow and we will see how that goes. They changed the teachers around last week so one of the girls that he really, really likes isn't with him anymore. She is the only person that has remained a constant since his very first day there. Can you blame him? She now stops in and sees him before she starts work.

Jake is taking bottles from me at home in the middle of the day. It is just hard when he gets tired and or doesn't feel good. Then he wants to nurse. He let Mike give him a bottle before bed last night even. I think I am going to stop pumping at work completely. I hoping that if I can make it the rest of this week at work we will be good. I will have supplies there of course, just in case I get too sore, but I think with this time off it will be okay. Last week was the first time he didn't get at least some breast milk at daycare. I don't think they can have much formula left and then we will switch to rice milk. That will be nice!

Today is the day!!!

My baby is one today! I have been all misty about that. I can't believe he has been with us for a year. I is as naughty as ever. I only worked Monday and Tuesday this week. Wednesday we went and got his pictures taken. He was a little pill. The photographer kept telling me he was doing better than most one year olds. I find that hard to believe.

Yesterday we hung out and I had to go to a meeting at work. Then I took Jake to an eye appointment with me. I wasn't sure how that was going to go. It was supposed to be a quick in quick out thing and it wasn't. I wasn't sure how they were going to react to my bring him. You know how some people are really snotty because you are making things more difficult for them and noisy for everyone else. Everyone was really nice and gave him the proper attention he was after. Man is he a charmer!

We went shopping this morning and got a few things we needed and we got Jake a wagon for his birthday. Then we went to the zoo. We actually have a pretty good zoo, surprising as that is for a community of our size. Communities of our size rarely ever have a zoo so it says something that we do. We haven't taken Jake before and we haven't gone since we got married. It was nice. Jake didn't last too long but I think he could see the animals better than the zoo in Denver.

Tomorrow we have an actual party for both the boys. It will be nice since pretty much everyone forgot Mike's birthday last year. They did actually forget, but he was just an after thought some time later. He wasn't upset or anything. All our focus was our baby in NICU.

Off to clean and get a few last minute supplies. I have to get Jake's special cake made too.

How embarrassing!

I picked up Jake from daycare today and I was afraid to hear what they had to say. Yesterday we got a bad report. He was hitting, biting, pulling hair and throwing toys. They wanted to know how they were supposed to handle it. I don't know. Make him stop! I don't want the naughty child! Today they told me he was good. Then the one lady I think doesn't like Jake asked me who taught him to say "tickle tickle" when you change his diaper and he plays with his "thingie." I was horrified! He said what? And this grown woman can't say pe.nis? Anyway, I was so embarrassed. Jake screams almost every time you change his diaper. I try to distract him with a toy or by tickling his tummy. When I tickle him I always say "tickle, tickle." As soon as you get the tab undone on his diaper he has his hand down his diaper and is yanking on his pe.nis. So he associates my saying tickle with his playing with himself!!! Great! He isn't even a quite a year and he is getting me in trouble with the things he says! It only goes down hill from here...

Movin', movin', movin'

I can't believe how fast time has gone. Jake now stands for long periods of time. He can stand from a sitting position without pulling up on anything. He also will push his little truck for ever 3o - 45 minutes of back and forth is nothing. He thinks about walking and is so close it scares me. I just can't believe how fast my little baby boy has grown. His thirteenth tooth is through as of today.
He has been a little crab though. I know the teeth are just killing him. I am worried that he is getting sick though because he slept a ton yesterday while I had to work. My mom came to watch him and thank goodness because I had to work more than eighteen hours straight yesterday. Of course Jake was up by five this morning. I managed to nurse and snuggle him until six. I just hate having to leave him. Mike and my mom both said that by afternoon, when I should be picking him up from daycare, they could tell he was really missing his Mommy. I don't know how would stay sane being a full time SAHM but I want so much more time with my little Peanut. I just love to be able to sit down and play ball with him. He loves to throw the ball and everything else for that matter. I just don't feel like I have enough time to spend with Jake and take care of our household. That is why we still have so many packed boxes around. There has to be an answer out there. I am still looking.

My in laws are really pissing me off. They get Jake when I have to work late and they love it, but it is such a burden for them as we keep being told. I just wish I had a regular schedule and so did Mike. It would be a lot easier to plan. Even if I were at my same job if Mike just had a normal job it would be so much easier to work out. Unfortunately people at work don't understand that. If I just had the same schedule every week we could find someone to watch Jake, but since I don't have the same shifts from week to week or month to month it really is challenging. We didn't even get the schedule we started today until last Thursday! That is terrible. I need to stop whining and just live with it I guess. I just want more time with Jake.

And the ween is on...

We got the nod to switch Jake to rice milk today. We had an appointment with the allergist and he is an odd, but nice, duck. We waited and waited and waited, in a patient room thank goodness, for him to see us. He walked in the door and Jake crawled right over to him and grabbed his shoe and pulled himself up his pant leg. He held his arms up and the doctor tossed him up and had him smiling ear to ear and giggling away. I couldn't believe it! Jake is full swing with his stranger anxiety and doesn't usually want to go to most people he knows. This doctor is nice, except he says we have to wait until Jake is TWO before we test him again, but he is a bit goofy. He is about sixty, he is Indian and has a very thick accent, he has huge glasses that I thought Jake would pull off, and he has odd tufts of hair about and he was wearing a lab jacket. But Jake seemed to love him.

So my dear boy is going to have to learn to give up the boob. I have already cut my pumping back to just at lunch time at work. I officially put away my breast pump at home today. Now we just need to get Jake to decided he doesn't need to nurse to solve all the world's problems. That is what I am worried about. When he gets really upset, all he wants is to nurse to calm down. I guess he will have to be upset. I will work on getting the mornings cut out first. I am worried about the nights though. We only go about one night a week where Jake isn't ending up in our bed so he can nurse. We took a nap this weekend and he just sucked for two hours. Boy was I sore when I woke up!

So, now we can use up all that expensive formula we have first and then switch to rice milk. He seems to like it, but I don't think he understands that is all he will get soon. He will get a tums everyday for calcium too. I can't wait to start giving him that! We are just so that it isn't so traumatic for me when I give him the zyrtec!!! I think I am not looking forward to this... adventure!

Our first real haircut

Jake got his first real, big boy haircut today! It was hard. I didn't cry because I was trying to hold him still. That and I had a migraine and was less sentimental. My stylist was surprised by home much hair she had to cut. He wasn't too bad. She had to take the back up a little because of a scissor mark from where he moved suddenly. I don't know how she did it with him moving around so much.

Jake has been a stinker about his sleeping. We will do well one night and then we will have three bad ones. Last night he would not settle down. He just played and played until he finally just plopped down. He has a marker in his left hand that he wouldn't give up until his little hand relaxed and let go. I am going to have to get some of the markers that only wright on the special paper and soon because he loves to carry one around. When he figures out how to get the cap off I am trouble!I bought a watermelon this weekend and he loved it! I chopped it up into tiny pieces for him so I could get the seeds out and he just gobbled it up! I gave him more tonight and I was shocked how much he ate. It is probably all the sugar in the watermelon keeping him up!

Rough morning

Jake woke up a little before five this morning which is normal. Mommy wanted to sleep in. I brought him into bed with me and he nursed and climbed on me for a bit and then went to sleep. He let me sleep about an hour and then we repeated the nursing, climbing and falling back asleep. I got to sleep until seven which I think is wonderful.

We got up and I went to bring in the paper. It wasn't there. This is the second time this week! The Sunday paper is, of course, my favorite of the whole week. Sip some coffee, read the paper, let the baby destroy the house. Normal routine. Not this week! So that has me irked. Jake is just a grouch. He is whining and whimpering a lot. His teeth are really bothering him again/still.

I worked on folding laundry, which I hate. I work on cleaning up all our messes. Jake gets hungry. Okay, what will we feed him? He is really being picky right now and we have our limits of course. I try giving him some applesauce that has extra berries in it. He usually loves it. Nope not today. I get him to take a cracker to munch while I search. Good thing because he is yelling at me. I offer him this super healthy - allergen free bar. One bite in, the rest on the floor. Crap. There are some left over sweet potato chunks that he likes pretty well. So I heat them up and then cool them down. He squishes them with his fingers and spits the one I put in his mouth out. Great, sweet potatoes are usually our saving food. So I look around the kitchen and am reading labels, searching for something, anything to feed the grouchy boy. I suddenly smell something. I look up from the label I am reading and OH GOD NO! He has pooped and since he is sitting the poop has pushed out the top of his diaper. He is smearing it all over his highchair tray. Dear God NO!!!!! He just put a piece of yesterday's corn in his mouth. Gag, gag. Run to get the tray off. Gag, gag. Put the tray in the sink that has fresh green beans for today. Gag, gag. Pull the baby out of the chair and run him to the bath tub, holding him as far out as my arms can reach. It is everywhere. He is having loose stools because of the teething, of course. He is covered. I am covered. Gag, gag. Fight with the diaper and the now crying child. Get the diaper off and in the trash, but oops some of it smears on the wall as the diaper flips open. The baby is now screaming because he wants the water on. I turned the shower on to wash the stool off. Gag, gag. He has smeared it all over the sides and top of the tub. I am pulling toys out as fast as I can so they don't get dirty. He thinks the shower is interesting, but he can't really splash so that makes him mad. I got the most of it rinsed off so I turned off the shower and started the tub. I scrubbed him. Got him out and dried off. Thank God that is over. Oh wait, I still have to scrub the poop off the wall, out of the tub, out of the kitchen sink, off the highchair tray, out of the highchair. And the baby is still hungry.

I want my freaking newspaper...

Yuck!

Last night Jake and I crashed in the chair early, probably by 730. I woke up at 830 and put him to bed and I had to let the dogs out and get ready for bed myself. I forgot to take the trash out that I set on top of a big trash can with a lid on it. This morning I let Sparky out first. I went back to let him in and he had jumped on top of the trash can, ripped a hole in the garbage bag, and was eating poop out of a diaper. I just about hurled. I screamed at him - mind you it was before seven - and he ran away of course. I couldn't catch the little shit! Thank goodness it had rained last night and at least the grass wiped the pooh off him!

I let Molly out and came back in to find Jacob crawling out from my room at a rapid pace. He had something in each hand. As he came up to me I laughed so hard. I tried to get a picture of the crawl but he was too fast. He has a tampon in one hand and an ovulation predictor in the other hand. I did snap a picture of him stopping and banging the two together. I just thought of how many of each of those two items I had gone through before getting the little fellow holding them.

I'm trying to decided what to do for the birthdays coming up. Jake's birthday is on a Friday and Mike's in on Saturday. We will have a party for both on Saturday. (we never have a party for Mike, or me for that matter, so this is new ground). So we can't decide how big to make it. I have asked a number of my coworkers and they would go big for the first birthday. How big? I mean how many people do I invite? Where do I draw the line? I am thinking if I invite very many of my friends I need to just put up a stinking invite at work because I will get into that damn trouble I always do about someone being left out. I don't think anyone other than my friends would come anyway, but than at least I don't leave anyone out. I think it is silly however because it is my son's party. However, I don't recall every having seen a baby's party up there. I don't know. When we look at just inviting a few people, just family(parents, Mike's sister and grandmas) and a few friends it seems hard to draw the line. I don't know and it seems silly. But there is a big difference between 10 people and 40 people. And words of advice? What have/are you going to do???

Eleven months!

We had a busy weekend. I feel like I got a fair amount accomplished. I still don't feel very settled here and it bothers me. There are still a lot of boxes that need to be unpacked. The thing that bothers me the most is not having pictures up on the walls. We kept waiting to decide where to put what and I gave up and just started putting things up. There are some pictures in the hall that need to be rehung but they are up for now. The people who lived here before left a lot of nails up. I can't believe how high all their stuff was hung. The tallest person in the family was no taller than me at 5'5".

That makes it feel a bit more like home but I don't know. I just don't know where to put everything and Mike isn't being much help. I don't know why I thought it would be any different unpacking than it was packing, but somehow I thought he would help me more. I'm just having a really hard time with stuff not have a permanent place and needing to still do so many things. I really want to jump in and start doing work to the house and yard, but I just don't think I can do that yet until stuff has a home.

I did take care of one thing outside. We have a narrow flower bed that runs along the front walk. It is pretty long and it wraps around the front step and continues along the front of the house. I pulled all of the volunteer stuff and mulch up out of the area to the door and I planted irises. I have always loved irises and I have wanted my own. I bought a ton of them and got about half planted. The next area I need to work on has nasty white rock and the black weed barrier that didn't seem to work. It looked stupid because these two areas meet. So I will pick up all the rock, pull up the black stuff, and continue the irises along the front of the house. I spaced them out like you are supposed to, but some day it will be like a fence between our front walk (which is really wide enough to be called a patio) and the yard.

I still can't help but be in a funk. I am feeling very lonely for some reason. Mike has been working a ton and it feels like I have been too. I never seem to get to spend the time I would like with Jake and he can be so much fun right now. He will just giggle and giggle when we play. We went swimming in a kiddie pool I got him and he loved it. I don't know if I could handle being home all the time with Jake, but I sure feel like I miss so much. That makes me sad. He will be eleven months tomorrow. Eleven months! Crap, where has the last year gone??? I'm trying to figure out what we will do for a birthday party and I can't decided how many people to invite and which people. I can't decide what I want to get him as a present.

(I try and try to get this little boy to wear a hat outside and he rips it off in a split second. But he will wear it for half and hour while he is playing in the house!)

a trip to grandma's house

Yesterday was my mother's sixtieth birthday. I called her while I was waiting for someone to show up at daycare to drop Jake off. She sounded pretty good. I know it was a hard one for her though. After I finally got to work and I looked at our light schedule, I asked my charge nurse if I could leave early so I could drive up and surprise my mom on her birthday. I got out of work after a meeting I had that was interesting. I went and picked up a pizza, got gas, got Jake, ran home and packed him some stuff, and then we went and picked up a birthday cake. We headed on out. I waited a bit and then i started trying to call my mother. I couldn't get her over and over again. I kept thinking she was in a meeting. I decided to try her house. It would be like my mom to call in sick on her birthday. She calls in sick every week anyway so why not then. I couldn't get her at home. Then I think she is playing hooky and went shopping somewhere. It involves traveling a couple of hours for her to shop any where so I am cursing about that. Then there is about an hour stretch of road where you have no signal at all. I am sure hoping I didn't waste gas and time on this trip at this point.

So we get to her town. I have to call Mike to tell me how to get to the prison because it is right by the train track. He tells me and I eventually find it. It is four my mom is supposed to work until four thirty. Her car is not in the parking lot. Now I am really mad. So I drive by her house. Not a soul. Crap!!! By this time I really need to pee so that didn't help my temper. I called Mike and started venting. I started heading toward a gas station so I can go to the bathroom and my mom turns around the corner next to me. She doesn't realize for a minute that it is me waving at her.

It was worth the trip. My mom was tickled to death. She was so excited to see us. She liked the camera we bought her. I think she might be able to use it. She tried to stall our being there as long as possible. We ate dinner and Jake was a little stinker. We had cake and I told her we needed to go. Jake was not behaving at all well at this point. He is tired even though he slept the whole way up, THANK GOD!! So I pack up his stuff and she is trying to keep us. She made me take her picture with Jake out front. He wouldn't cooperate very well, but hopefully there was one decent one out of the fifteen I took.

Then we made it out. The interesting thing to me was that it was a pleasant visit. She did not make one of "her comments." I was quite shocked actually. I thought maybe she would have a comment about the camera, but she didn't. She loved it. I was really surprised. She said it was the best present of all for us to surprise her with our visit. It almost made me forget how visits with my mom go. I wish they could all be like this visit.

The drive home kind of sucked though. I drove a tad fast trying to get home. I wanted to get to the road I was familiar with before it got too dark. There are so many deer and antelope along this trip. I really hate dusk when they seem to be out. I did have to come to a hard break. I thought it was a baby antelope or deer up a head in the middle of my lane but it turned out to be a coyote. Not that I really wanted to hit that, but at least there wouldn't be more to run out in front of you like if it were deer or antelope.

So I will have to mark it on the calendar that I had a good visit with my mom. Sadly, there probably won't be another mark like that for a long long time.

Sunday

Jake and I went to church today. I haven't been going much because church is at 9:30. Nap time is basically the same time. I know there is a nursery but I don't want to leave him there. He spends at least nine hours a day in that area of our church and on one of my two days a week that I get him to myself (meaning no daycare) I don't want to leave him there. There was a special service today celebrating the organ player. He has been playing at the church for twenty years and he is wonderful. So we went. Jake loves music. He bounced around to that organ while I was pregnant and he likes it still.

Today these twin girls came and sat in the row behind us with their great grandparents, grandma and mom (who is four or five months pregnant). The twins are one week older than Jake. They came about six weeks early and were born on my due date. So there were lots of baby noises in our area. The girls were noisy at a low level constantly. Jake made some noise but a couple of times he was very noisy. I got up and took him out. We went out in the fellowship hall and I let him crawl around for awhile and then things were better. When the service was over I had two people very rudely tell me that the church has a crying room and they provide a nursery for a reason. I was shocked. We also had countless people tell us how glad they are to hear the youth of the church. Our congregation is pretty old. I would say the average age is probably about 65 - of those at the service it might even be older. They keep having meetings and trying all sorts of things to bring in younger people and families. Anyway I didn't hear anyone say a thing to the family of the twins. I am pretty upset about this. I try to be considerate of others. I know there is nothing more annoying than trying to listen and someone is letting their kid scream. That is why I take mine out. How are kids supposed to learn if they don't practice? I obviously don't mean children as young as Jake.

This really upset me. I don't know if these people thought all of the noise was coming from my child or not. One of my coworkers keeps inviting me to come to services at her church. They have a new minister. It is the Methodist church in the town that I now live in as opposed to the Methodist church that I go to in the town we used to live in. The two towns are connected and I actually probably live farther from the church in this town than the other church. But now I am really tempted to go. The one problem is that service is still at 9:30. She did say that when school starts the time changes and I'm pretty sure she said at 10:30 or 11 so that would be better. I don't know. My best friend's daughter was there with me for one of the people and she was also horrified. The next thing you know her grandpa was told and grandpa is one of the pillars of the church. He wanted to know exactly who those people were and he wanted to have words with them. I didn't tell him. I actually didn't know who the one fellow was. But anyway...

So that has had me down all day. We went shopping after church, like everyone else in town, and that was a horrible experience. I ended up spending over three hundred dollars and it didn't seem like I got that much stuff. I did buy formula though and thank goodness I have been able to breast feed this long!!! The nurse at the allergist's office said Jake would need to drink rice milk and I assumed we could start that at age one. I have been drinking it and using it on cereal since that appointment but it very plainly says not to give to children under the age of 5 without consulting a doctor. So I need to double check at our next appointment which is just before Jake's first birthday. It seems as though I might have typed this before... Anyway, I sure hope we can give him the rice milk because it is a lot cheaper and a whole lot less stinky than Nutramigen! I haven't blamed Jake for not wanting to drink that stuff.

I mentioned in my last post we have had a rough week. I kept telling them at daycare he was teething. They kept telling me they thought he had another ear infection. He does have a nasty nose and he is pulling his ears but both of those can go with teething. I keep telling them that the doctor said he will pull his ears for a long time and that it is now a habit not just a sign of an ear issue. Well his eye teeth broke through. He now has twelve!!! teeth through the gums. He still has a big blood blister over one of his molars that he is working on. Now I'm just wondering if it will make it through before he turns one or not. This child will be able to have steak at his own first birthday party!!!

Big weekend

Getting out of town was a good thing to do. I don't go do it enough. It was really nice that my sister and nephews could come up. I don't get to see my nephews enough and I certainly want the cousins to get to know on another. My nephews really enjoyed trying to teach Jake things to say or noises to make and he thought they were great.

Jake is not the best traveler. He slept most of the way down, but not all of it. He woke up as I was getting into heavier traffic and cried the last forty five miles or so. It was great. Traffic, screaming baby. Two of my favorite things. Actually traffic wasn't that bad and I took the back way down on a toll road so traffic was actually pretty light. It was worth the 34 miles of tolls! I went home on the interstate and it was horrible. I had more than fifty miles of construction and at one point the traffic completely stopped. That was about twenty five miles north of Denver so it wasn't even in the city. I'm not even sure why we were stopped. I watched vehicle after vehicle take the ditch and go over to the frontage road. After about 20 minutes I did the same thing. I probably would have been there between a half hour and hour if I hadn't so I was glad I did. So in the midst of this standing still on the way home Jake woke up so that made it even worse. He eventually settled down and played some.

We stayed in a pretty nice place. We had a full kitchen, two bedrooms, two bathrooms and then a living room with fire place and of course a sofa bed so it worked well for all of us. We were able to easily get carry out and have all the boys sitting at a table to eat. It was great and we didn't have to spend so much time waiting and it was less expensive since we didn't have drinks and tip. Plus there wasn't any whining in a restaurant to put up with.

Jake got to go on his first train ride followed by his first bus ride all to get us to the zoo. We spent six hours at the zoo and it was great. I haven't been to the Denver Zoo since I was in high school. I don't think it was the most exciting thing for Jake though because he could hardly see anything. We did get some nice up close and personal views of the lions and he liked that. He says "kitty" pretty well and now he can roar like a lion. That and make monkey noises. My youngest nephew has the tendency to wander off and that kept being a problem because there were a ton of people there. The hard part was taking the bus and train back, especially because we missed catching a bus by about two minutes and then we had to wait for 20 minutes and everyone was so tired.

We went to the Children's Museum the next day and I wasn't sure what to expect but I think everyone really had a good time. I don't think my sister was thinking her boys were going to enjoy it as much as they did, but they sure did. It had more stuff to do than we expected. There was even a nice area for the littlest guys and that was great. Jake loved it. He had a huge fit when I took him out of the baby area to go find his cousins. We even went back later while they were doing some other stuff and he was just happy as can be.

I got a little bit of shopping in and got some things we needed. I was able to go to a grocery store where I could get some things for Jake that I found on a few allergy websites. It was nice to not have to pay the higher prices and shipping! Now we will just have to try some of these things and see if he will eat them.

My sister brought me tons of stuff. I could barely get Jake and I into the SUV. She brought us a picnic table for Jake, another car seat, a little bike for him, a little grocery cart, books, toys, and bags and bags of clothes. I bought four big tubs to put the clothes in and they just fit. They are a bit big for now but it is going to be great to have so many really nice clothes when we get to 3T and up. We are practically set which is nice.

Jakey got to go swimming for the first time and LOVED it. He was kicking around and just having a ball. We were in the pool for a bit and his lips starting getting blue so I took him out. I wrapped him up and less than five minutes later he was trying to get away from me to get himself back into the water.

The week has been hard though. It has been really busy and we have had a couple of really bad nights. One big thing has changed and I'm not sure how I am dealing with it. Jake has started taking formula. They kept offering it to him at daycare and all the sudden this week he stopped throwing the bottle back at them. This is good since my milk supply (both my personal one and the one it the freezer) is diminishing. It is really hard though. In some respects I am excited. I am tired of being a slave to the breast pump. But this is also something I could do for him that no one else could. So it is making me sad. Part of me wants to keep going for a long time and another part of me is wanting to skip the weening and just be done with it all. I am looking forward to being able to have some peanut butter or peanuts and when I am not at home. To add to my week I have been a touch hormonal. AF stopped by for the first time since having Jake. I feel like all my moodiness from all the missed months has been saving up for this visit. Mike says I'm not that bad, but he values his life and body parts so he might lie.

I just keep wonder what happened to my baby because I suddenly have a little boy. I wonder when he will be

walking. He will walk holding only one of my hands. He has been pushin

g around the cart my sister brought as well as another toy he has and it is killing me. I know he is still using assistance but to see him moving upright without a person is really something. It scares me too. I keep looking around and wondering what he will get into, trip over, bonk, grap, or even worse, climb, next.

We are outta here - almost

We never go anywhere. Our jobs don't allow us much freedom to escape. This weekend Jake and I are making a break for it though. We are driving down to Denver tomorrow and my sister and her boys are driving up. Jake hasn't gone on an overnight stay away before. (we stayed over at my inlaws once but it was because I was on call). I am so glad to get out of town. I have been looking forward to this for quite awhile.

I don't know how much stuff to take with us though. I hope I get it right (I always pack too much). My sister is loading her SUV with stuff to pass on to us so we have to have plenty of room in the back. I love free stuff. I am a bit worried about the trip, however. Jake has been screaming a lot riding in the car and that is just around town. At first I thought he didn't like his new car seat and then it seemed to be fine. I am wondering again if there is something uncomfortable about this not inexpensive car seat.

I wish Mike was able to get out of town with us but it is no husbands. Not that he could get away anyway. He has made all these promises about what he is going to accomplish while we are gone. I am hopeful that he will get half of what he has said done. The garage is still completely packed with stuff - some that we actively need, but I can't physically get to it. There are cabinets up in the garage that he is going to take down to make room for his work bench and he has promised he will put them in the laundry room. I want that more than anything. There is no storage in our laundry room and I want to be able to put the soap and the rest of the household cleaners there, up out of a little boy's reach. I was able to type "little boy" without crying. He is growing up so fast! You can even see one of his molars in this picture.

I haven't seen my sister or nephews since Christmas so I am excited to see them. We are all going to stay in the same suite so we are going to get our share of each other really fast. Jake is such a terrible sleeper. I hope the boys don't keep him up and then in turn he keeps them up. I am excited and my car is even fixed. It had to have some work done that Mike couldn't get the parts to fix without going through the dealer and they flat out told us they would charge us this horrendous amount for the part to buy, but if they fixed it wouldn't cost anywhere as much. Does that make any sense at all??? It cost half what they quoted us for the part to have them fix it and put in the exact same part. I don't get it.

2 years

Today is our second wedding anniversary. Our lives have changed so much. Mine more than Mike's. I'm a little worried that Mike is afraid to take care of Jake on his own. I had to work last night and Mike took Jake over to his parents' house as soon as I left. He stayed there with Jake most of the time but Grandma fed him and changed his diaper. Mike said he played with him most of the time, but I worry about that.

But anyway, two years and we have been together just shy of ten years. There were lots of times I never thought we wouldn't make to this point. Wow! I wonder if this is what Mike saw for himself ten years ago. I will have to ask him.